28 Comments on “Because I Don’t Need a Culturally Sanctioned Day to Lie My Ass Off to All Y’all”

1. And evil. But more fun.

2. No kidding?

3. “I may have done it already, in fact”

   You mean, you didn’t really tape bacon to your cat?

4. It’s all one big honkin’ awesome lie.

5. You mean, you didn’t really tape bacon to your cat?

   It was vegan bacon

6. I don’t believe you.

7. You say you will not try to fool us, but this is on a day when traditionally people are fooled, so we cannot trust what you say. But if we do not trust you, you would have fooled us by being completely honest. So we must expect you to be completely honest in saying you will not try to fool us, which means we will be completely vulnerable to being fooled.

   Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

8. nice usage of “all y’all”. i feel so included!

9. I will feed you lies and disinformation on any day I damn well feel like doing it. I may have done it already, in fact. You don’t know. You will never know. That’s what makes it fun.

   So you’ve got sort of a Bush Administration thing going on here then? I don’t think I like that. I don’t like it at all.

10. I WANT TO BELIEVE

11. I never trusted you anyway.

    Now John Scalvi…there’s a guy you can rely on.

12. I skimmed the post and thought it said –

    I Don’t Need a Culturally Sanctioned Day to Lie On My Ass Doing Nothing

    And I thought, sure, but there’s no need to rub it in.

13. “nice usage of “all y’all”. i feel so included!”

    *nods* It’s an emphatic (for the edification of the heathen Yankees out there). Translates to “allayouse” in Jersey and Brooklynese.

14. That’s okay Scalzi, because even now I’m hiding outside your house in the bushes, waiting to catch you abusing bacon.

15. So how long have you been working for the government?

16. So, does this mean that you’re finally admitting that Athena is the true author of the OMW series? (I still think you’re to blame for TAD- at least Chapter 1)

17. Shecky @# 12: I was taught by a native Atlantan (Atlantean? No, that’s someone from Atlantis. Hmm. I digress.) that “all y’all” is the plural form of “y’all”, which is singular.

18. So no Reader Request Week posts today?

19. DG @ #16: Etlannans don’t count. That’s a whole different world. Them thar is cityfolk and they talk funny.

20. The lie is that there really is no such person as “John Scalzi” — all his books were written by an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters, and this blog is updated by an unpaid intern. (There’s a new one every month, as most interns quit under the barrage of bacon-related emails.)

    If you think you’ve met him, you’ve probably just met the Andorran government’s secret “Scalzibot”. (Phase 1: Accept Hugo awards, go to conventions. Phase 2: Invade France.)

21. #19)

    Phase 4: ????
    Phase 5: PROFIT!

22. #19)

    Phase 3, of course, involves collecting copius amouts of French peoples under garments.

23. EW.

24. And to think I’ve been so trusting all this time.

    P.S. to Shecky @ 18, in Brooklyn, it’s “all-a-youse-guyzes”

25. Ah, the truth. How refreshing.

26. Suddenly it does all makes sense… Tapes bacon to a cat, no mention of a rush trip to the hospital for a few dozen stitches…

    Photoshop FTW!! =)

27. So, Josh @ #5, the bacon is prepared from either an alien from Vega or a vegan human?

    (One of my favorite people has started dating a somewhat-vegetarian — she also eats fish, seafood and dairy– when asked if he’d changed, he said, “I’m an omnivore…. I EAT vegetarians!”)

28. @25: See earlier post; our Host truly IS one of the luckiest SOBs extant, both in the history of science fiction literature and also in the annals of human-feline relations in general (subcategory: Adhesives, Application to Felines Of). As I see it, either Ghlaghghee is owed a prize for Exceptional Tolerance of Humanity, or Scalzi should be named as our planet’s first(?) exo-species ombudsman. Or both.

    @26: omnivore: n. one who can/will eat anything of nutritional value; may obliquely express variable ability to procure sustainance:

    Sure, I love to eat salad… if that’s all I’ve managed to catch today.

    Remember: vegetables are what food eats.   *garbs self in Nomex*