Yes, I’ve Seen It
Posted on April 1, 2009 Posted by John Scalzi 31 Comments
ThinkGeek’s April Fool’s Day product for the year: Squeez Bacon.
And yes, I received about ten e-mails about it in five minutes. You can stop sending the e-mail. More than one of the e-mail wrote something along the line of “clearly they were thinking about you.” Well, while in fact the folks at ThinkGeek and I have a bit of a mutual admiration society going on, contrary to popular opinion (here, at least) not everything involving the Internet and bacon revolves around me.
Also: Squeez Bacon is an idea simultaneously wrong, and awesome. I’m mildly surprised it doesn’t actually exist, and would not be surprised if after this, it does.
I thought it was the other way around. Internet bacon doesn’t revolve around you – it’s the flame to your moth.
The nose wrinkles as the mouth salivates. Talk about your love-hate food concept.
Norwegian Baconost. A friend came back raving about the stuff.
No. You all think I love bacon rather more than I actually do.
Baconnaise is obviously a squeeze bacon type product.
It’s not that we think you love bacon, it’s that we want you to have a weakness. We’ve decided that bacon is a good weakness for you.
We want to stand there with a case of coke zero and a package of bacon and make you entertain us. Please let us think that it would work. :)
“Lillefläsk” means “Smallpork” in Swedish…
What cracks me up is the vendor name! “Lillefläsk” means “Smallpork”. Coincidence? I think not!
You put the Squee in Squeez Bacon.
Never mind the squeeze bacon — I want a Tauntaun sleeping bag!
When you change your background to this or a reasonable substitute, then we’ll know you’ll have fully embraced the bacon lifestyle. And that Krissy needs to put that cardiologist’s number on speed-dial.
I was wondering if the publishers sent you a copy of this tho blurb. http://www.amazon.com/Bacon-Story-Survey-Everybodys-Favorite/dp/0061704288/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238593229&sr=8-1
I’m waiting for my copy to arrive any day now to review.
Oh man, I’m mildly disgusted and slightly amused at the same time.
I have to say I would love to try it at least once if it were real. However, I think that in the end it wouldn’t taste just right.
Y’know, if the taste were right, I have a feeling my #1 Truck Gene Child, another bacon addict, would be going thru as much of this stuff as he does ketchup.
Pretty wallpaper, btw.
A thought Scalzi’s had that other people probably haven’t:
Tape bacon to a cat just once, and people get all weird about it.
Buah. Bluaaaaaac buaaaaaaaach
I just glanced at it before reading the label and said” Oh, bacon flavored ketchup” which doesn’t seem too farfetched to me. Squeeze bacon and squeeze cheese together, with or without crackers, would have been a healthy breakfast in my college days…8D
Now all we need is a Squeez Cat to go along with the Squeez Bacon.
It’d be a real simple thing to fill a squeeze bottle with bacon-flavored mayonnaise.
See, it would have been funnier if you had made this post a promotional plug for the amazing new product, Squeez Bacon. For example, say something like “I’ve beta tested this product, and its great!” You know, in keeping with the spirit of April Fools and all that.
Tangy Tomato Bacon dressing is a real product and a closer match than Baconnaise: http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/Products/ProductInfoDisplay.aspx?SiteId=1&Product=2100000280
Did you notice this on a recent ThinkGeek blog post? They still like you.
#13 “I think that in the end it wouldn’t taste just right.”
Never mind the taste – what the heck is the texture like? Eewwww…
Hmm… this sounds truely disgusting, too bad its not real.
On the other hand though, you can actually buy these:
BACON FLAVORED MINTS
Each one of these mints tastes like a delicious slice of crispy bacon with just a hint of mint flavor to give it that extra punch!
It may sound weird but once you taste it, you’ll see that mint and bacon is a match made in China. Each 2″ x 2″ tin contains one hundred mints.
I am very bummed that this is a fake product, and I don’t even eat bacon. It should exist.
Far from the only fake product in their April 1 email. The tough part this year is guessing which one is real…I’m sure one of them must be. My money is on the scannable t-shirt.
This is even better…
The idea has been around a while. The 1991 movie The Dark Backward featured Blump’s Squeezable Bacon and Blump’s Pork Juice in a carton. That’s the only thing I remember about that movie.
How’s this for sad: my teenager (who is in full Adolescent Rebellion Mode and therefore eats pork) refused to believe that Squeez Bacon was fake when I told her it was a prank, and continued to insist right up until she put it in her ThinkGeek shopping cart and it gave her the April Fools message.
Clearly, there is an unmet consumer need. Corporate America, are you listening?
I wonder if Scalzi has seen this:
I’ve seen everything now.
But why? Why Swedish?