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Our Long National Nightmare is Over

My new DSL modem has arrived and works just fine.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

25 replies on “Our Long National Nightmare is Over”

Welcome back, Esteemed Feeder of Ghlaghghee. Regardless of whether or not you’ve achieved anything professionally, I do hope you did something useful/enjoyable/worthwhile with your day offline, rather than just huddling in a corner shivering, hoping that the magical series of tubes will come back soon.

I picture John coming back to the Internet like that scene in Star Trek when Odo walks back into the Great Link. It’s all emotional and sappy and we’re all rooting for him and stuff. But John’s not wearing a tuxedo like Odo, he’s wearing sweats and a stained Bigfoot T-shirt. And the Great Link isn’t all golden and serene like it was on Star Trek, it’s a viscous black mire of screaming trolls and n00bs whoring their Twitter feeds. For a second John thinks of leaving the Internets forever, but then a big oily arm yanks him back in (kinda like that TOS episode where Yarr dies). Btw, no knock on your wardrobe John, that’s just how I picture it. Welcome back.

Jeff Hentosz @10: As someone who is both plain-dressed and a clogger of the ‘tubes, I can attest that the two are in no way mutually exclusive.

I don’t have a Lincoln beard, though, and I don’t think any of my plain-dressed, ‘tubes-clogging friends do either, so I can’t speak to that. Except to say that I honestly cannot picture Scalzi with such a beard.

Yay, Yay, the Bandwith’s Here
Let’s pet the Cats
and Drink more Beer
Yay, Yay, the little light is Green

Yay, Yay, the Courier
Delivered parts
to our Corner
Yay, Yay, the little light is Green

Yay, Yay, the ISP
Say all is Well
the link is Swell
Yay, Yay, the little light is Green

Hey, Hey, the light is Red
Oh my god,
the Spam’s downloaded
Sigh, Sigh, the little light is Sad…

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