My New Roof, Unassembled Format

At the end of winter a mighty wind blew (or something) and took a fair amount of the roof with it, so — oh, yay — we get to have a new roof, and today is the day it gets to be had. The roofers were here yesterday to drop all off the new shingles and such, and within the hour they will be here to apply them to the house, which occassion all manner of hammering and banging and tearing and shredding and sloths and fruit bats and breakfast cereals and so on. Which means a) no real chance for me to get any work done if it involves trying to think for more than one-and-a-half seconds in a row b) crazy insane dog going mad at all the thumping and bumping. Which of course brings us back to point a).

In short, today will be an excellent day to listen really loud music and not think at all. And so, this is my plan for the day. So if you call today, there’s a good chance our entire conversation will be thumps and bangs and me saying to you “WHAT?!? Hey, I can’t hear you, I’m listening to Slayer.” Mmmm… Slayer. I’m just warning you ahead of time, is all. Maybe just e-mail today.

32 Comments on “My New Roof, Unassembled Format”

  1. …and the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans…

  2. Thank you for helping the local economy, John. Especially since I have a son that’s a roofer. I have one that’s an architectural designer also, need a new addition to the house?

  3. It’s about time you listen to some good music. ;)

    I just hope your roofers aren’t hippies.

  4. We’re stimulating the economy with the purchase of a new roof as well. Ours will be Sarnafil, though, not those cute shingles you folks in the Midwest can get away with.

    That mile-high plume of smoke you may have seen over New Hampshire last week? That was from the smoking hole that was torn into our checking account.

  5. Also? Last time we had the roofers here (to replace the garage roof), it sounded like they were playing Dance Dance Revolution on the roof all day…with the power loaders from Aliens.

    Not even Slayer may burn through that noise to give you sweet aural relief.

  6. I had to have a new roof put on during the Christmas holidays that lasted over New Year’s. It was so lovely to see old roofing stuff with the navity set on the front lawn!!! Along with my plastic snowmen. After about a month everything was finished. The roof looks great now. In about six weeks another hurricane season starts. I hope it is a very quite one. Come on El Nino do your stuff!!!

  7. When we got our roof replaced last year, one of the the roofers banged every nail into place to the rhythm of “shave and a haircut” (though he left off the “two bits.”)

    Four hours, over and over. I thought I might go mad.

  8. You’d think having a new roof put on would be a good excuse to hang out somewhere else in town. I know you’re still breaking in your new modem but aren’t there any coffee shops around with Wifi?

  9. Romeo:

    No coffee shops in Bradford. Two bars, though. Never thought to see if they had free wifi. In any event, I don’t want to leave the dog alone; she’d go a little nuts at the noise.

  10. I already knew you had excellent taste in music, but this just doubles down .
    Go Slayer !

  11. Wait, didn’t we do this last year? Something about people walking across your roof, dropping things, hammering things, the fruit bats and breakfast cereals. Yes, I think I remember this. And you weren’t able to get work done then, either. You’re starting to reuse excuses, Scalzi. I think your editors no longer believe that Kodi ate your work (especially after the whole, “I don’t have a printer” thing) and you’re trying to come up with something else.

  12. Metallica works well to drown out most anything…lil’ head bangin’ to go with the hammer bangin’!

    And I’m thinking today would have been a good day to take Kodi for grooming. No doggie daycare spas up your way? No, don’t fret, they’re coming.

  13. Dude, you need to listen to some fucking BORIS. That shit will block out any noise. I recommend the PINK album. Sick, sick, sick Japanese metal!

  14. Why not drive out to somewhere a little more serene and camp out? If you don’t feel like putting up a tent you could just sit in the car with a laptop and leash the dog to a door handle.

  15. This is in reality a plot by the dog to get you to take her for a day-long walk. Give in now, and she won’t have the roofers pound on your head so long. Besides, the exercise might do you good.

  16. I had my roof done as well yesterday. Full teardown, new decking on half of it, ice barrier, felt, shingles and ridge venting. From start to finish, 5 hours. Granted, it’s a small house, but they worked fast, didn’t cut any corners and did a great job on it. The new roof looks great.

  17. so would it be fair to assume that crazy insane dog’s commentary to the work of said contractors would be, “ROOF!! ROOF!!” ?

  18. lauren @ 11 My brother tells me that proper roofers only need two strokes per nail, one to set and one to drive all the way in.

    bang BANG bang BANG bang BANG

    like that

  19. rys@21 – there is a roofing contractor here in Atlanta that uses a dalmation in their commercials…dog drives up in the company truck, is met at the door by homemaker, introduces self – Roof Roof – the tag line is something about call them at 1-800 (then the dog barks)roofroof!

  20. We created a smoking hole in our bank account yesterday by engaging a contractor to remove our 51 year old asphalt driveway and replace it with pavers.

    They start on Wednesday.

    It will be nice to have a flat surface to park on. After 50 years of patching, our driveway looks like the contour maps of Mars that have been posted on APOD recently.

  21. Roofing is fun! I got to help put new shingles on a house in Pittsburgh once… in the RAIN! Haha good thing it’s nice out today!

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