Oh Noes! It’s the Catpocalypse!
Posted on May 4, 2009 Posted by John Scalzi 22 Comments
As the first of the hydrogen bombs go off the in the distance, Ghlaghghee idly wonders which of the humans the cats will eat first when the dark times come. Probably the balding one. He’s so pudgy and soft. The three cats could take him down easy.
(It’s actually a sunset. Everyone know the Catpocalypse isn’t scheduled until 2012. By which time, incidentally, I intend to make myself totally buff. So there, you dumb ol’ cats.)
Best. Post. Ever.
[Deleted because comments on the “Being Poor” essay are wildly out of place in a comment thread about the Catpocalypse. Tinker, your words are not forever erased; I e-mailed them to myself and will post them again in a more appropriate place. Thanks — JS]
Silly human. Now that you have warned us, we will leave yummy and rich food out to sabotage your diet. And exercise? Pffft. We will lie in your lap, immobilizing you and sapping your will.
There will be no buffness, only soft, tender human steaks. Mmmm… like veal.
Actually, the large dog is our backup food source and the poodle is his. The cat’s breath is enough to protect him from the dinner pot.
Meoyan Calendar… O.o
Comment spam at #5 alert, John.
“Rorsach’s diary. Found myself in middle of nowhere, Ohio. Not used to non-city. Not enough noir set in farms. Losing vocab to describe.
Found pudgy, balding corpse partially eaten by cats, with bacon taped to corpse. Strange.
This picture is in serious need of some Zeus. Who better to usher in the acatpolypse? Also H-Bombs? Pssh, it’s clearly ball lightning.
In the background, The Ink spots are signing “I don’t want to set the world on fire.”
Ghlaghghee: “War. War never changes….Well, that said, time for a nap.”
Don’t buff up, John. That’ll just make you look TASTIER!
Sorry, John, but it’s unacceptable for you to be a bestselling author, a popular blogger, The Guy Who Taped Bacon To His Cat and buff. Leave something for the rest of us.
Chang! No comment?
I am soooo disappointed.
O Great Scalzi, what a superb picture of Her Most Gracious Shimmering Radiant Perfection examining Her Creation. We are lucky that the Beauteous Ghlaghghee judged Her Work acceptable, otherwise doomsday would indeed be in the offing.
Naturally, as usual your commentary is foolish and irrelevant. You really should leave analysis to the experts of the Executive Committee of The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club.
In the interest of encouraging your current streak of excellent pictures of Her, the Executive Committee has reluctantly – by the slimmest majority – decided to award you the coveted Seal of Approval Award:
The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club Seal of Approval Award
valid 5 May 2009 to 6 May 2009
The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club
PS – Silence, low-brow Whatever readers. Unlike Scalzi, the Executive Committee of the Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club does not dance for your amusement. Your disappointment pales in comparison with ours as we contemplate Scalzi’s numerous failures and abuses, despite our entreaties and Her Supreme Guidance of him.
@11 Eviljwinter I had faith that chang, who is not chang would post on behalf of the Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club eventually.
That is just *begging* to be a book cover.
Perhaps John Scalvi’s latest rural thriller, THE CAT CAME BACK? Tagline “She just wouldn’t stay away…”
I do not think the biosphere will last very long after cats get The Bomb.
“Forget the lasers, Kodi, THAT’s how you fight an alien invasion.”
Well, strictly speaking, it *is* a thermonuclear fireball. And so scenic!
@14 This would be a good cover for the unexpected next book in the OMW series, “Ghlaghghee’s Revenge”, when BrainPals get jammed into cats.
I think chang winc needs to change the name of the Ghlaghghee Fan Club to the First Church of Radiant Perfection or something. While others border on ailurolatry, chang has waded in, donned scuba gear, and swum to the very depths.
“Nuke them from space, it’s the only way to be sure.”
Cats have a fine sense of the appropriate…
@ 12 Chang, who is apparently using an alias
“Silence, low-brow Whatever readers. Unlike Scalzi, the Executive Committee of the Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club does not dance for your amusement. Your disappointment pales in comparison with ours as we contemplate Scalzi’s numerous failures and abuses, despite our entreaties and Her Supreme Guidance of him.”
Yeah, whatever, dude. Point is I posted before you did on a Ghlaghghee post.
Slacking by official cat fan clubs is not permitted nor tolerated. That’s my job, and given my busy schedule, I have to terminate slackage on a given issue at some point.
Since this implies that I have been slacking (which I assure you I was, most diligently and thoroughly), by definition, you had more than enough time to address the latest offering of The Presence*.
In the future, please remember slack time IS finite and random and that it is The Official Fan Clubs duty to address their critiquing duties during the designated slackage.
Didn’t you get the memo? I’ll send you another copy.
Oh, and I’m gonna need The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club to go ahead and use the cover sheets on their TPS Reports. If you could do that, that’d be great.
Sr. VP of Slackage
Are you now buff enough to repel the cats when the Catpocalypse occurs?