Posted on June 18, 2009 Posted by John Scalzi 9 Comments
I’m SUPER far behind on e-mail. Just in case you sent me some recently and am wondering if my not responding means I think you’re the worst person in the world or something. No, I don’t. Unless you are. In which case I do.
How could you think that anyone is the worst person in the world when it’s obvious that the worst person is you, for being so far behind on e-mail? I mean, jeez. I bet Nero would have kept up with HIS e-mail, if he’d had e-mail…
I half considered sending you mail to make you further behind, but that would just be evil.
Me, I’m not doing so bad – I just got caught up with ALL of May’s messages…
And here I was thinking that magical night in the Cote meant nothing at all! Sniff.
I haven’t send you an email!
Worst person algorithm for discerning you are the worst person in the world:
Send Scalzi email
Scalzi reads email
Worst person in the world?
Is your name Dick Cheney? Yes -> Worst Person Mod
No -> Is your name Axl Rose Yes ->Worst Person Mod
No -> Did you vote yes on Prop 8 Yes ->Worst Person Mod
No -> Do you eat soy bacon -> Yes Worst Person Mod
No -> Are you Spencer Pratt -> Yes Worst Person Mod
No -> Scazli is behind on his email
Worst Person Mod
Delete person from Contacts Folder
Grade person’s hate mail
Tape bacon to his/her cat
Go kill zombies with Athena
[Note: This is pseudocode. Were it real code, I might have written something that, yanno, worked.]
Phew! That’s a relief.
…so, if you were exposed to kryptonite, would you then end up being less behind?
Yeah, it had to be pseudocode. ‘Cause if it were a real programming language, like FORTRAN, the compiler would gently remind you with the Sledgehammer Of Epic FAIL that having an END IF statement without a preceding and properly written IF statement isn’t allowed in Kosher FORTRAN. (grin)
*** FATAL ERROR 0001
*** FATAL ERROR – ENDIF STATEMENT WITHOUT IF
__ 1 __ Fatal Errors
No code generated.
Compiler runtime 0.006 seconds.
I wanted to thank you for Zoe’s Tale, i finished it last week and loved it. I also want to thank you for recommending “One Second After”, I finished it yesterday. Not only is it very good, I think it is an important book.
Thanks again, and keep up the great work.