In the Category of “Things I Would Not Expect to Go Together”

Apparently people who buy wolf urine on Amazon also buy The Last Colony. And LEGOs. And toilet paper, but that almost kind of makes sense. Almost.

(Snurched from BackBackHeyHey on Twitter)

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

57 replies on “In the Category of “Things I Would Not Expect to Go Together””

I just finished reading The Last Colony. I couldn’t wait for my supply of wolf urine to arrive. I should’ve waited. The reading experience was just not the same without it.

I’m going to read Zoe’s Tale next. Which animal urine do you recommend?

Dude, not just toilet paper but fancy-pants colored toilet paper. Somehow, though, I can’t imagine that the people buying wolf urine are also trying to get their bathroom decor just so.

What strikes me the most is that I’m getting wolf urine under the category “Kitchen and Dining” rather than sporting goods or somesuch.

Wonder if it’s used in tacos? (bleh!)

Realized my comment might be taken the wrong way and was also reading the “Amish Taco” discussion on the previous thread and being meta. I imagined some outdoorsman cooking show adding wolf urine to their backwoods campfire he-man taco recipe.

I keep all of my Scalzi books between two jugs of Wolf Urine.

Has your publisher ever considered putting an insert coupon into your books for discounted Wolf Urine? You know… because of synergy and all of that stuff.

Actually, it makes perfect sense. Wolf urine is an excellent way to keep the local aliens away from the colony. Using it properly would have changed the plot a fair amount! For that matter, the Rraey probably wouldn’t like it either, culinary experts as they are.

And, it goes well with other Scalzi books. For example it can help keep the sheep from getting too far afield in Android’s Dream. A virtual fence of sorts. And since the upper-crust Nidu are so scent-driven, it might work well as a plot device there too.

Oh John, if only you’d have noticed the interest of your readers in wolf urine before! Perhaps you can use this in a sequel to Android’s Dream? (Hint…)

@Marko – Perhaps it’s intended for hunters with guilty consciences. You know, only wanting to kill the suicidal deer.

Don’t know how much good it would do around here, though. Wolves have been extinct in Ohio since the 1840s. Our deer wouldn’t recognize it as such. Might as well buy the slightly cheaper Coyote jug-o-piss.

Welcome to the world of how recommendations fail on the far end of the long tail! This just means that of the five people who bought wolf urine, one bought The Lost Colony.

By the way, there are some really amusing reviews of the Wolf Urine:

“One is immediately drawn to this vintage by the colour, which is an elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose. It has an incredibly effervescent bead — the whole glass teams with bubbles — culminating in a frothy layer at the head. “

Brad DeLong @30: I love the part: “What Do Customers Ultimately Buy After Viewing This Item?” Apparently, almost a quarter of the people say “Screw the Uranium Ore, I’ll go with the Windows 7 upgrade instead.” Perhaps they’re looking for a more efficient way to nuke their computer.

Forbidden Legos = the ones you left out on the kitchen floor for a barefoot parental unit to find at 3 am, or the ones launched via rubberband to add some spice to your Battle of Anzio plastic army men set?

I find that wolf urine filtered through black paper towels makes a perfect glue for permanently attaching Forbidden Legos together. And the red toilet paper and The Last Colony are for those times when the wolf doesn’t ONLY have to pee.

Not only did the buyers of wolf urine also buy TLC, but if you click on the next page, they purchased the dashboard Jesus and the Jesus band-aids as well! I obviously overlooked some important items when I purchase my copy of TLC.

From the comments to the product Brad DeLong linked to, another product favored by purchasers of The Last Colony and LEGO:

Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz

1,101 customer reviews, many involving quite elaborate scenarios. It’s priced at about $70, which is not cheap, but Amazon is offering a deal on shipping:

For a limited time only receive $.99 Standard Shipping on all Grocery products fulfilled by, normally $4.59 + $.59 per item.

“Due to changes in shipping regulations this product cannot be shipped to California” Why not? I think we should be told . . .

And Amazon UK doesn’t even sell Wolf Urine, I have to order it from America ;-(


In cases like this, where it’s someone on the Internet far away from me, and unlikely to show up at my home or workplace, I recommend a week-long comparison test as the best solution.

3 days each of the Butt Plug and Wolf Urine.

Please keep detailed video logs of both your own reactions and those of people around you. Posting select exerpts to YouTube is a bonus.

I’d recommend an assistant to take notes, if they can put up with the Wolf Urine days.

I’d suggest making it a double blind study to increase statistical validity, but in this case I suspect that the test subject will be able to tell the difference, so we’ll have to put up with self-adjusting factors.

Re wolf urine: I have found that human urine keeps deer away. You must be careful about applying it if the folks next door are watching.

Re uranium ore: Never bought it. The 5 pound chunk my uncle gave me when I was 8 has been enough. He refused to give my sister her own supply. He claimed that our rooms were too close together or something.

Stephanie, I don’t know for sure, but I suspect it’s to sprinkle around one’s garden in an effort to scare off the veggie munchers like bunnies and deer (see Mark @54 for an alternative substance). No idea if either method works. I used to have a friend, a rose-grower, who swore that fertilizing the roses with dried deer blood did much the same thing, re: bunnies. I always assumed he bought the stuff at a local greenhouse/garden supply store, in those days; these days, I’m not sure I want to know what goes on a “Related Items” list with deer blood . . .

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