In the Category of “Things I Would Not Expect to Go Together”
Posted on July 31, 2009 Posted by John Scalzi 57 Comments
Apparently people who buy wolf urine on Amazon also buy The Last Colony. And LEGOs. And toilet paper, but that almost kind of makes sense. Almost.
(Snurched from BackBackHeyHey on Twitter)
Well, they needed somthing to read while freezing their asses off in those tree stands!!
What? You don’t use wolf urine as a cologne to attract female scalzi fans?
I just finished reading The Last Colony. I couldn’t wait for my supply of wolf urine to arrive. I should’ve waited. The reading experience was just not the same without it.
I’m going to read Zoe’s Tale next. Which animal urine do you recommend?
Be sure not to buy cheap imitators which contain 80% coyote pee.
Deer laugh at coyote pee.
People who buy coyote pee also read Twilight books.
Really, look it up.
I find a piquant badger urine goes spectacularly with ZT.
Not just Legos, but forbidden Legos.
That is awesome.
Dude, not just toilet paper but fancy-pants colored toilet paper. Somehow, though, I can’t imagine that the people buying wolf urine are also trying to get their bathroom decor just so.
What strikes me the most is that I’m getting wolf urine under the category “Kitchen and Dining” rather than sporting goods or somesuch.
Wonder if it’s used in tacos? (bleh!)
Look at the colors: orange and black. Somebody’s getting ready for Halloween.
Realized my comment might be taken the wrong way and was also reading the “Amish Taco” discussion on the previous thread and being meta. I imagined some outdoorsman cooking show adding wolf urine to their backwoods campfire he-man taco recipe.
“Wolf Urine Lure”?
I’m not a hunter, but I’m pretty sure that the scent of wolf piss doesn’t exactly make the deer go, “Hey! A wolf! Let me check out where it went!”
Too bad it’s not android’s dream, because then we could talk about wolf and sheep and the serpent would eat it’s tail, and the universe would explode.
I keep all of my Scalzi books between two jugs of Wolf Urine.
Has your publisher ever considered putting an insert coupon into your books for discounted Wolf Urine? You know… because of synergy and all of that stuff.
What I (don’t?) want to know is how one harvests wolf urine…
Actually, it makes perfect sense. Wolf urine is an excellent way to keep the local aliens away from the colony. Using it properly would have changed the plot a fair amount! For that matter, the Rraey probably wouldn’t like it either, culinary experts as they are.
And, it goes well with other Scalzi books. For example it can help keep the sheep from getting too far afield in Android’s Dream. A virtual fence of sorts. And since the upper-crust Nidu are so scent-driven, it might work well as a plot device there too.
Oh John, if only you’d have noticed the interest of your readers in wolf urine before! Perhaps you can use this in a sequel to Android’s Dream? (Hint…)
It keeps the fanties away, and with them, the wolfmen.
Pretty smart planning, I’d say.
I like how the toilet paper isn’t just white…it’s RED…and the paper towels are BLACK.
So, what does red toilet paper, black paper towels, wolf urine, The Last Colony, and Forbidden Legos have in common?
Maybe the colonists used wolf urine to scare away the nasties in the forest? No? Well, it was worth a try.
I just had the mental image of how they collect and package wolf urine. Yuck. Now, that’s a Dirty Job…
@Marko – Perhaps it’s intended for hunters with guilty consciences. You know, only wanting to kill the suicidal deer.
Don’t know how much good it would do around here, though. Wolves have been extinct in Ohio since the 1840s. Our deer wouldn’t recognize it as such. Might as well buy the slightly cheaper Coyote jug-o-piss.
Welcome to the world of how recommendations fail on the far end of the long tail! This just means that of the five people who bought wolf urine, one bought The Lost Colony.
All funny answers.
Mine is simply another Amazon oddity,
I bought the Mike Hammer novel, The Goliath Bone, that Max Allan Collins finished. I got the old Because you bought The Goliath Bone, you might be interested in Barbie and The Diamond Castle DVD.
That’s what I love about Amazon. Where else can you pick up a copy of a Scalzi novel and a jug of wolf piss? One-stop shopping at its best.
Steve Burnap @22: “This just means that of the five people who bought wolf urine, one bought The Lost Colony.”
I don’t want to know that guy.
Reminds me of Bruce Schneier ‘s famous essay on security – Uncle Milton Industries has been selling ant farms to children since 1956. Some years ago, I remember opening one up with a friend. There were no actual ants included in the box. Instead, there was a card that you filled in with your address, and the company would mail you some ants. My friend expressed surprise that you could get ants sent to you in the mail.
I replied: “What’s really interesting is that these people will send a tube of live ants to anyone you tell them to.”
These days, we can update that to wolf urine.
By the way, there are some really amusing reviews of the Wolf Urine:
“One is immediately drawn to this vintage by the colour, which is an elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose. It has an incredibly effervescent bead — the whole glass teams with bubbles — culminating in a frothy layer at the head. “
People want to experience more of the vapid werewolf indigenous specie on the planet. Since you didn’t give us more, we have to go to extreme lengths to get more. Seriously. You’re responsible for this smell.
whoops, that should be “vorpal werewolf indigenous specie”
Need to stop doing this interboobie thing at work. The work distracts me from what’s important.
You need to check out:
I think you just figured out what Kodi was doing with your wallet last week, John.
Better check your credit card statements…
Jeez, who are these people?
In OMW wasn’t there an alien species that looked like deer and ate people?
Maybe Scalzi made them up, maybe not. Why take a chance? Peace of mind for a $32 jug of wolf pee is a bargain.
Brad DeLong @30: I love the part: “What Do Customers Ultimately Buy After Viewing This Item?” Apparently, almost a quarter of the people say “Screw the Uranium Ore, I’ll go with the Windows 7 upgrade instead.” Perhaps they’re looking for a more efficient way to nuke their computer.
It could be worse, people who buy Uranium ore also but Charlie Stross’s Halting State, Knuth’s Art of computer programming, and the forbidden Legos…
Hmmmm. the forbidden logos seem to be the link…
Forbidden Legos = the ones you left out on the kitchen floor for a barefoot parental unit to find at 3 am, or the ones launched via rubberband to add some spice to your Battle of Anzio plastic army men set?
Just wanted to post this very happy news:
(The Religious Society of Friends in England have agreed to conduct same sex marriages the same way they conduct opposite sex ones.)
OMG, deer repellent plus black paper towels plus toilet paper plus Legos =
oh, no… I can’t say it…
No, I will say it.
This is all old man stuff!!!!!
If Cheney only knew.
I find that wolf urine filtered through black paper towels makes a perfect glue for permanently attaching Forbidden Legos together. And the red toilet paper and The Last Colony are for those times when the wolf doesn’t ONLY have to pee.
Scoff all you want, but this stuff has allowed me to test clean and play in the Lupine League for the last five years.
Not only did the buyers of wolf urine also buy TLC, but if you click on the next page, they purchased the dashboard Jesus and the Jesus band-aids as well! I obviously overlooked some important items when I purchase my copy of TLC.
@42 – They also bought, from page 3, the crazy cat lady action figure. Sadly, no bacon to be seen.
Not just any toilet paper, RED toilet paper.
Missed brand name opportunity: “Hemorrhoid Hankies”.
From the comments to the product Brad DeLong linked to, another product favored by purchasers of The Last Colony and LEGO:
1,101 customer reviews, many involving quite elaborate scenarios. It’s priced at about $70, which is not cheap, but Amazon is offering a deal on shipping:
“Due to changes in shipping regulations this product cannot be shipped to California” Why not? I think we should be told . . .
And Amazon UK doesn’t even sell Wolf Urine, I have to order it from America ;-(
They also seem to be fans of the “Ramsey IG7 Ion Generator Kit.” I am finding no end of fascination in this.
Having a hard time working out if this is better or worse than the butt plug.
I think that’s a matter of personal taste, don’t you?
In cases like this, where it’s someone on the Internet far away from me, and unlikely to show up at my home or workplace, I recommend a week-long comparison test as the best solution.
3 days each of the Butt Plug and Wolf Urine.
Please keep detailed video logs of both your own reactions and those of people around you. Posting select exerpts to YouTube is a bonus.
I’d recommend an assistant to take notes, if they can put up with the Wolf Urine days.
I’d suggest making it a double blind study to increase statistical validity, but in this case I suspect that the test subject will be able to tell the difference, so we’ll have to put up with self-adjusting factors.
George, consider it taken under advisement.
You really shouldn’t be mocking the taste of your readers. They could turn around and bite you. And you can’t get shots for that.
Re wolf urine: I have found that human urine keeps deer away. You must be careful about applying it if the folks next door are watching.
Re uranium ore: Never bought it. The 5 pound chunk my uncle gave me when I was 8 has been enough. He refused to give my sister her own supply. He claimed that our rooms were too close together or something.
What does one do with wolf urine?
Stephanie, I don’t know for sure, but I suspect it’s to sprinkle around one’s garden in an effort to scare off the veggie munchers like bunnies and deer (see Mark @54 for an alternative substance). No idea if either method works. I used to have a friend, a rose-grower, who swore that fertilizing the roses with dried deer blood did much the same thing, re: bunnies. I always assumed he bought the stuff at a local greenhouse/garden supply store, in those days; these days, I’m not sure I want to know what goes on a “Related Items” list with deer blood . . .
Does wolf urine work on illegal immigrants?