I Am A Bastard Who Never Helps Others, Or, A Very Special Pimping Thread
In the aftermath of yesterday’s entry, it has been ascertained that in point of fact I am a heartless bastard of a writer, who once he achieved super-ultra-mega-LASER-stardom not only pulled the ladder up from behind him, but then dismantled the ladder and threw the now useless chunks of the ladder at the heads of all those left below, laughing as he did so.
Well, you know. I can’t deny this. I am just that selfish and rotten. I will never help any of you! Ever! Or offer you space on my blog to promote your current works or the works of others, whom you admire and wish to bring attention to! Say, in a comment thread! Like the one beneath this entry! That will never happen! Never, I say! The 40,000 daily readers of the site will not hear of such things! So ha!
And to prove how callous and nasty I am, when I am not offering you that space to promote your works or the works of others in the comment thread below, I want you to complain about how awful I am. So I can snicker evilly about it! Say, something along this line:
John Scalzi, you unspeakably heartless bastard! I simply cannot believe that you will not give me space on your blog to point out that Steven Boyett’s classic fantasy novel Ariel is back in print after more than a decade, and everybody should go out and buy it, because it is just THAT good! Why won’t you let me do that? On your blog? Like this? Right now? I hate you! I hate you forever!
Yes, yes. Comments like that would do just fine, for my nefarious snickering purposes.
So! Start railing against me about all the things I will not let you promote, right here, right now, in the comment thread to this entry! And REMEMBER — if in pointing out the things I won’t let you promote on this site, you link to more than a couple in the same entry, there’s a possibility that the comment might get sent to the moderation queue! In which case I will chortle most grievously at it before releasing it at some reasonably near point in the future! Because I am just that mean.
What? You still haven’t posted? Do I have to taunt you a second time? Go!