Dear Toad in My Front Bushes: It’s Totally Not Safe Here

I mean, dude: Did you not see that three cats live here? And cats, as I’m sure you know, love to take toads like you and do all sorts of horrible, unspeakable things with them. Starting with their intestines.

So while I’m perfectly happy to have you around, eating up bugs and look adorable in that bumpy amphibian way of yours, I really do suggest that you head off before one of the trio of obligate carnivores who reside at the house decide they want to make you a gift to us humans. I think neither you nor I want to be part of that gift-giving scenario.

All best,


P.S. Seriously, man. Run.

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