Signing My Life Away
Posted on October 17, 2009 Posted by John Scalzi 35 Comments
Today: More signing of signature sheets. The plan is to get through at least a thousand. To get through all that scribbling I’ll put on some of my favorite movies, so that I can have them in the background but they won’t distract me too much. I tried doing signing during last night’s Stargate: Universe episode (which I hadn’t seen the final version of yet) but I ended up watching it instead of signing. Curse that interesting show! So today I’ll put on, like, Raiders of the Lost Ark, which I’ve only seen 14,000 times and sign away. There are worse ways to spend a Saturday.
John, if you’re looking for something truly mindless, try Mystery Men.
So, how many did you sign before you realised you’re not Indiana Jones?
When I saw that you had 5 boxes, my arm swelled up in sympathy.
I only have one box (about 2100) that I’ve had to get through for the special edition of Happiest Days, and it’s taken me forever, because after about 400 pages, my signature completely falls apart to a point where even I can hardly read it. I figure people buying the limited edition deserve better than that, so it’s really been a slog.
Now, as a matter of personal pride, I have to finish my remaining 700 or so before you get through all of yours.
(It’s going to be a long Saturday, that’s for sure.)
You know, to keep it from getting too monotonous, you could randomly switch from signatures to sketching bunnies or something.
RE: “The plan is to get through at least a thousand.”
In your sleep!
This looks wayyyy worse than being a week behind with the ironing. :O I feel for you.
Of course, feelings won’t get the job done, but how about my handy-dandy, patented, “Divide-and-conquer-by-outsourcing-to-low-cost-suppliers-while-offering-mass-customisation (TM)” approach. You know it’s the modern way:
1) First, and foremost, accept you’re going to lower the quality or your product, but compensate by advertising it as an advantage.
2) Enlist low-cost (family?) helpers to spread sheets evenly across the entire floor. (no effort required on your part)
3) Dip all cats paws in ink. (minimal effort)
4) Stand atop pile of empty boxes and, laser pointer in hand, make deft wrist-flicks back and forth across the floor – as if you’re mowing a lawn. (minimal effort on your part – esp. if you get some help climbing up the boxes)
5) Family helpers in attendance throughout, to re-ink paws as required.
1) Every sheet, “as unique as a Jackson Pollock (TM)”. That can be your advertising angle.
2) You have fun (“signing” via a very scientific-sounding laser-guided-cat-paw proxy)
3) You get to play with lasers!!!!! Yay!!!
4) The you-tube video will quickly eclipse “evolution of dance”.
Benefit #5. Chang will buy every single copy!
For twice the price.
Are there worse ways to spend a Saturday? In this regard your job sucks way more than mine. My hands ache in sympathy.
Anytime spent watching Raiders of the Lost Ark is time well spent. Now if he was signing with Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls playing in the background I would feel some pity for him (although I challenge anyone to sit through that movie without destroying their DVD player in disgust).
You need an intern who can copy your signature.
Just a suggestion,
you should record yourself signing,
then watch the recording
the next time around.
Keep recording yourself
from book to book
until you perfect the art,
perfect the groove, man.
Then sell the DVD to aspiring writers.
It could be like a variety show with
guests cats and dogs,
and you, in various costumes.
Scalzi Signing 2012 is way cooler
than Scalzi Signing 2011.
All I can say is – I hope you have a GOOD pen. ;-)
I think you should do one where you print your name like a four-year-old Scalzi. Or put made-up nicknames in quotes between ‘John’ and ‘Scalzi.’ Or do a few upside-down.
Then your fans could brag when they get one of the ‘weird’ ones. They would be the ultimate collector’s items … more valuable than gold.
“Look everyone … I got the ‘John “bird dog” Scalzi’ edition!”
“Oh, yeah? Well, mine has a fingerprint and says ‘Journey Rocks.'”
“Does it have any bacon grease on it?”
John – learn how to sign your name in Ancient! Do they have an ‘official’ font/etc for that yet? That could be fun. Of course, everyone in the Stargate universe seems to speak English…
As an animator, I’m used to repetative (no, really – REPETATIVE) work that none the less requires attention and accuracy.
Orchestral Music Only.
Films? TV? Forget it. Too distracting. Music with Lyrics? Nuh-uh. You’ll sign lyrics 200 times before your eyes catch up with your fingers, and you’ll need a do-over.
Me, I work well to things like the Halo soundtracks, or C-64 remixes. I realise I’m an incurable nerd, but trust me on the orchestral.
Now, the soundtrack for ROTLA, you might have something there! Maybe a mashup of the 3 Raiders soundtracks, + Superman, + Flash Gordon (if only for Ming’s soliloquy), + Star Wars, + Conan the Barbarian, +…
Snakes. Very dangerous. You go first.
In college I used to loop movies I had watched often while I had long programming sessions. It was really comforting to have something I liked in the background. I must have played The Matrix dozens and dozens of times!
Haha just be careful you don’t accidentally start writing what they’re saying in the movie! I’ve done that with math homework by accident…
You know there’s a .001% chance for an epic item called [The Mighty Pen] to drop, don’t you?
[The Mighty Pen] Speed 3.10
Heals wrists +5 every 1.5 minutes
It’s a bit of a grind, I’ll grant, but the [World Famous Author] achievement is at the end of it, and you get [Fanboy Pet].
When I want movie-like company while I do a task, I put on the commentary track to something like Lord of the Rings. There’s about 300 hours of that kind of stuff . . .
Pixelfish @20: I think you’ll find that ever since the expansion came out that they nerfed the drop rate. It’s now a solid 15%, although of course there’s now a [The Mightier Pen] with much better stats.
Merus@22: Yeah, but [The Mighty Pen] was at least bind-on-equip and vends pretty well at the auction house. [The Mightier Pen] is bind-on-pickup and to get it you have to turn in [The Typewriter of Bombasity] after slaying Harlan Ellison in the IguanaCon dungeon in heroic mode without aggroing any of his small mobs.
I watch LOTR every Christmas while wrapping presents and packaging them up for sending away.
That way I see it once a year and it becomes happy Xmas flicks.
Someone always walks in and interrupts me the first time we meet Strider upstairs in the Inn though.
Couldn’t tear my eyes off U last night. Liked it. Lots.
“doctor, help, what’s wrong with this man?”
“my lord, he’s suffering from a case of exertus signaturitus. You almost never see that. Wait, is he an author?”
“that would explain it. They’re a nostalgic sort for analog. Particularly for such a technical profession. Not to worry, we’ll need a case of coke zero and a viewing of star trek the original motion picture. If that doesn’t bring him around, we can follow up with the revitalized star wars episode four.”
In the Marine Corps, I was an electronics tech, and most of the people I dealt with were electronics techs.
We dealt with rather complicated situations, and could the section or platoon leader REALLY verify our work?
One of the things NUMEROUS SNCO’s teach guys like me, is how to sign their name. Often we would assign the WORST tech to “clear our MIMMS.”
That is actually funny stuff.
Oh, and besides the point. Might want to teach Athena Caligraphy, so she can make it look like you have a pretty signature.
That’s how I’d roll (read a thing about how none of Dali’s paintings weren’t signed by him, but rather an assistant, maybe it wasn’t dali, and his wife was a money and prestige grubbing piece of crap, so who knows which is real which is fake, which is signed by who?
Oh Ouch. I sometimes wonder how Subterranean Press gets all those nifty signatures on the limited editions I so frequently buy from them… Now I know.
On a side note, this episode of Stargate Universe (“Darkness”) was totally brilliant. I’m mildly annoyed at the cliffhanger, though. Now I have to wait till next Friday!
Was anyone besides me thinking refuel maneuver?
Get a stamp engraved.
Speaking of Stargate, Stargate SG1 season 8 just went up on Hulu.
Liked the latest episode of U too. I can’t wait until next week!
I did think that the scene that skipped from the lieutenant praying to an aerial shot of the pentagon was a little heavy-handed though.
Re Raiders: To me, Paul Freeman will always be The Guy Who Ate A Bug So He Wouldn’t Ruin A Take. You have to admire that level of professionalism.
Wil — so you’re, Wil then? Spouse met you at a Linux convention and said you’re a cool guy. I don’t know why pros hanging around pros surprises me but sometimes it does.
And do we have writer’s cramp yet? :)
#13 and #19
John “Why’d it have to be snakes” Scalzi.
I’d pay good money for that signature.