Exiled In My Own Home!
Posted on October 21, 2009 Posted by John Scalzi 50 Comments
The entire top half of my house has been taken over by house painters, who are painting the rooms and hallway in tones with names like “restful” and “free spirit.” I am exiled to the formal dining room with the laptop, since sitting in my office sniffing paint fumes is not actually how I want to spend my day. Kodi is in here with me, barred from chewing on the house painters by a pair of baby gates we’ve kept around for events such as these. As the dining room is roughly the size of a Manhattan studio apartment, this is not as horrible as it could be. Even so, it’s amusing to be shut out of most of one’s own house. I’ll likely be here for the next couple of days.
At least you’ve still got internet and aren’t forced to roam the town picking up little bandwidths off of street corners in your car again!
Did your wife make you clean your office before the painters showed?
So you’re saying sniffing pain is bad. Hmm. Have to remember that.
Actually my office is closed off. We’re planning a major renovation of that room for some other time.
Will the future office renovation involve an extra-dimensional book storage facility for clutter reduction purposes?
Stephen Buchheit @ #3:
How does one sniff pain, exactly?
(I know you meant “sniffing paint”, but what actually came out struck me in the funny bone, it did.)
Don’t worry, when you return to the mainland from the Elba Dining Room you will be received with great cheering and Fanfare.
Oh, and you’ll totally get to stay there for more than a hundred days, I swear.
Any free bacon for those of us who come to rescue you? (it worked for the hobbits).
sniffing pain=punched in the nose
Weirdness. I click the comments link for one thread and get the comments for a whole different thread. Hence my comments about low VOC paint in the completely wrong topics. Is this site haunted today???
Yeah, “major renovation” is how we refer to cleaning the den at my house as well.
What’s in the package? Anything good?
Signature sheets for The God Engines.
I’m impressed that Kodi can be dissuaded with a couple of baby gates.
Actually my office is closed off. We’re planning a major
renovationexcavation of that room for some other time.
Internal exile! To a luxurious formal dining room, where you must tap out your words with nothing but a poor laptop while seated in a beautiful and comfortable chair at an exquisitely polished and beautiful* table! How you must suffer!
Seriously, I know how disconcerting it is to be displaced from your normal workspace. And paint, yuck.
*or at least beautifully photographed
Go to a coffee shop, John.
I was exiled from my office as soon as I got back from Indianapolis this weekend. The laundry room sink backed up, and then the kitchen sink, with all its kitchen waste goodness, backed up into it.
So yes, since I had Monday off, we got a plumber to show up.
One day, one snaking, and one bleach rinse later, I was able to return to my basement lair.
Of course, now it reeks of chlorine, but it’s better than stagnant water.
I’d rather smell paint.
So how can you work in a room without piles of books? Will piles of books begin to spontaneously form around you?
Have you exiled the Felis catus to the outdoors for the duration?
The size of a Manhattan studio apartment? I thought that was 20′ by 20′?
(I honestly have no idea.)
How are you going to watch tomorrow’s episode of Stargate Universe? I don’t see a TV in that room.
I have it on DVD.
Being held hostage in a formal dining room sounds like some WW II movie where The Dirty Dozen are holding prisoners in some French chateau.
20’x20′ would be a pretty big Manhattan studio. I’ve seen showers in kitchens.
Related to the recent tangent, can we have an open, 100% spoilerific SG:U thread, or would you rather we take that to official SG:U forums?
I say you pull a Napolean and get your neighbors to come help stage a rebellion. Then… the rest of the neighborhood.
The baby gates are mostly symbolic, surely. If Kodi really wanted to eat house painters, I’m sure she could go over or through mere baby gates.
Had a dog who went through a closed door once, but she was being menaced by a 9 lb cat, not trying to eat interlopers. And yes, it was a fairly flimsy door, and she was a very muscular pit bull. And he was a very frightening cat. But still, through the door, leaving a roughly dog shaped hole, just like in a cartoon.
apologies for the unclosed italics.
You could have our basement. I think we got rid of the mice.
Wow. just… wow.
That is a very pretty room. How can I get exiled somewhere that nice? Do I have to do, like, housekeeping? Awwww, man…
I should probably clarify that I only saw the aftermath after realizing that we had accidentally shut the cat in with the dog. There was probably a fair amount of chewing involved in going through the door, not just sudden impact. But the results really did look like a cartoon.
I’m inherently suspicious of any color named “restful”. We put an offer on a new place a couple days ago. I’m going to paint over the wierd designer colors with one of the following:
Whatever color white Home Depot has on sale white
The mental image of a muscular pitbull gnawing for survival through a door to escape a rather ordinary sized cat is really delightful. Thanks for that.
TomG@21: You can watch Stargate Universe on a TV? How does the TV contact hulu.com!?
Have you ever noticed the non-menaced pit bull tends to be a rather shy, if not easily frightened, animal?
Some neighbors had a pair years ago. They were good watchdogs up to a point. I went over to ask the neighbor lady something when the two dogs came tear-assing around the corner.
I did what any sane man would do when menaced by the barking, teeth-filled maws of two pit bulls. I screamed like a little girl.
One dog skidded to a halt and turned around (not unlike in a Warner Bros. cartoon). The other started whimpering and hunkered down begging not to be punished.
I patted the one hunkering on the head and was very confused. (I since learned you have to make those dogs mean because they really don’t do it on their own very well.)
Why use smelly, toxic solvents when modern water based paints are just as good? Even outdoors or bathroom paints are just as good with water as a solvent nowadays. AFAIK it’s only some very specific uses (metals) that still require smelly solvents.
I might be cynical but I suspect “professionals” keep on using the nasty stuff just to set themselves apart from amateurs.
“Restful” and “free spirit”? You’re hardly trying! My parents managed to paint the whole house “Intellectual Gray”. They both work for Boston universities.
yes, I have noticed. I grew up with them. Our dogs only showed aggression towards frightening and dangerous things like squirrels, large water melons, vaguely menacing bushes and/or mailboxes on dark nights.
My understanding is that the old breeders were quite ruthless about culling animals that showed aggression towards humans, but it is still possible to make them mean if you work at it. The problem is, they’re are so strong that if they’re poorly socialized or deliberately trained to be aggressive, they are downright dangerous.
IIRC, Kodi’s forebears were also bred for dog fighting, and we have all heard what a vicious and untrustworthy beast she is. There’s no reason a well socialized pit bull should be any more dangerous than an akita.
The key phrase there is “well-socialized.” A poorly socialized Akita is not a good thing.
The entire top half of my house has been taken over by house painters, who are painting the rooms and hallway in tones with names like “restful” and “free spirit.”
…and then you get the bill, and your face turns tones with names like “OMFG!” and “I’ll have to take out a second mortgage on my lungs to pay this”. Yes, I’m still feeling some residual bitter about the triple wallet by-pass that took place last time tradesmen were allowed in the house. :)
My understanding is that the old breeders were quite ruthless about culling animals that showed aggression towards humans, but it is still possible to make them mean if you work at it.,
Of course it is — I bet I could turn you into a vicious mo-fo in no time with a judicious application of physical and psychological abuse. But we keep having these idiotic debates about “dangerous” dog breeds rather than dangerous and sadistic people who aren’t fit to care for pet rocks.
A poorly socialized Akita is not a good thing.
Heavens, how true that is! They interrupt their elders, make rude puns, and refer to their girlfriends as “bitches” (though I must confess they generally are).
ANY dog can be made vicious by training and abuse. The pit bulls only real sin is to have the natural tools to be very effective when vicious.
The problem is the owners, of course.
Silly me but I would expect paint with names like “Free Spirit” and “Restful” to at least be low VOC and preferably No VOC.
But that’s just me.
JP, sure, that was a typo. It was supposed to be “sniffing paint.” One doesn’t sniff pain. Instead, one mainlines pain like heroin.
Craig @ 41 –
“Of course it is — I bet I could turn you into a vicious mo-fo in no time with a judicious application of physical and psychological abuse.”
Isn’t that pretty much the plot to Rocky IV?
Looks like you picked the wrong week to quit sniffing paint.
Random thought: how often does the formal dining room actually get used for eating/food (as opposed for temporary work space like now)?
You KNOW what Krissy will to do you if you leave it looking like your office, right? RIGHT?!
Has anyone ever considered the multitude of nuances that arise from ‘sniffing pain”? Is anyone currently working on the next (hideously expensive) medical breakthrough which can not only identify, but CURE, every ache, every sore, every PAIN (call now for your free 10 day supply)
with a money-back guarantee (of course!!!