66 Comments on “Oh My God”

1. Oh. Sorry about that. There was a MY NAME IS EARL marathon on the superstation. It’s the one where Randy acts stupid.

2. ‘cos I’m not Lassie?

3. You didn’t push your “Fell Down A Well” alert button! There it is, on that string around your neck, where we put it because you kept forgetting it!

   I guess we’re going to have to take turns watching you. You’d think Kody would have come running to us, saying “Bark bark!” which as every Lassie viewer knows is Dog for “Hurry! Bring ropes and block and tackle and medical supplies! The guy with the camera has fallen down a well with no Coke Zero in it!” But Kody neglected this fundamental duty.

   Cats pretty much think you might as well be down a well as anywhere…until you miss feeding them. Then it’s all “Call the police! Call the fire department! Call the grocery store! We’re hunnnnnngry!“

4. Is there an app for that?

5. I’m sorry, but I’m not taking on the zombie hordes to rescue you with out a huge bribe.

6. There are wells in L4D2?

7. What’s that Lassie, Johnnie’s fallen down a well?

8. We assumed your failure to post was the first sign of the zombie apocalypse, and were preparing our bunkers.

9. Beeecaauuse we were respecting your privacy?

   Or maybe just having too much fun with the Palin post.

10. There was no bacon offered for helping. I’m sorry, but that is my MINIMUM charge for assisting via the interwebz.

11. The question is not why didn’t we come rescue you.

    The question is this: Why didn’t you tweet the fact that you had fallen down a well?

    And don’t give me that “I didn’t have my phone down the well!” canard. Everyone who’s anyone already has the Direct Neural Interface plug-in for all the hip social networking sites.

    Don’t tell me you’re not anyone?

12. I could have sworn that I signed up for “Receive Scalzi fell down a well! Alerts on your Mobile Phone” service. Sorry, but either my provider or yours must have dropped the ball on that.

13. Well, you never answer your e-mail anyway and you probably ran down your cell phone battery on Twitter. (grin) Plus the above posters commenting on the uselessness of cats are quite correct — the self-absorbed kitties never pass on the messages I telepathically send them. Bastards.

    Dr. Phil

14. I tried- but Kodi wouldn’t let me set foot on the Scalzi Compound(tm).

15. I was getting a little worried.

    Whatever has it’s own tab open most days and nothing had happened since I got up about seven hours ago.

16. I was just about to hop on a flight from Canada to your well but seems you rescued yourself… thanks for saving me the airmiles/$$.

17. Well, I would’ve, but it’s dark down there and I didn’t want to get eatn by a grue.

18. no wells, no wells
    no wells, no well
    we are your readers
    and we wish you no wells.

19. (missing ‘s’ in second line.)

20. It’s your own fault. We couldn’t find you. DUDE. 140 character limit. Just look at your tweet:

    “HELP, I AM STUCK DOWN A WELL!1!1! SEND THE FIRE COMPANY TO COME AND RESCUE ME!1!! THE WELL IS LOCATED ON THE BACK 40! ITS RIGHT NEAR THE “

    I mean, really. What were we SUPPOSED to do?

21. I was gonna wait another couple of hours, then come over and steal your stuff.

22. I’m sorry, I forgot your middle name was Timmy and we ought to check the wells every now and then. Kodi is no Lassie, and frankly, since it wasn’t feeding time and the cat boxes didn’t need cleaning, the cats just can’t be trusted for that kind of mission.

23. @6 Hahaha, I wish I could reply to comments here because that is exactly what I was thinking.

24. Your lack of posting was taken as a clear sign that the country has fallen to marxist/socialist ideals. Or maybe I was eating cake.

25. What was that? Sorry I was off killing zombie hordes and studying for a final exam on databases. Oh you’re out now, carry on.

26. ’cause I fell down the well before you.

    p.s. please move, you’re on my spleen.

27. Was it a treacle well?

    Because that would be a sticky situation.

28. Soon, in Reader’s Digest:

    I AM RICHARD’S SPLEEN

    I AM JOHN’S ELBOW IN RICHARD’S SPLEEN

29. 27 Julia

    I’m *really* glad I wasn’t drinking anything, ’cause it would have come out my nose.

30. Meh. It’s barely 1:00 here, and I’m on city water anyhow.

31. I totally rescued you, but you were asleep. My feelings are hurt now. So I put you back.

32. I figured you were just saving the world from a zombie envasion. And since you never creep up on a guy with a shotgun . . .

33. Isn’t Sameer Desai in that well with you? You could step on his shoulders, or if he has perished from lack of food, make a ladder out of his bones and tendons.

34. Were you late because you were secretly reading Palin’s book?

35. That’s what happens when you’re dog is sick.

36. I can’t have my recreational drug use interrupted by the likes of you.

37. Oh, is it my turn to be your keeper? I forgot. My bad.

38. It’s been so long since you posted anything, I just kind of forgot about you. Didn’t you used to be a writer or something like that, back in the day?

39. I just assumed it was extended L4D2 play. Zombies take a big bite out of a day, so such silences are to be expected.

    — Steve

40. Wait, you *weren’t* down that well?

    Well, who the heck did we drag out of it, then?

41. No one rescued you because we all wanted to read the reasons why – and laugh, laugh, laugh!

42. I was busy renting a truck to raid your library of freebie books. Sorry.

43. Aren’t the Rocket Road Trip guys supposed to be rescuing you?

44. Obviously, sir, you should be trying to figure out which one of us pushed you into the well.

    Okay, it was me.

45. I was too busy thinking of new ways to say “‘mericans are de stupid” to notice one more silly ‘merican down a well. Or possibly not down a well. Or possibly in a quantum superposition of being both down a well and not down a well *at the same time*. Still silly, though, which is likely what breaks down the quantum wavefront and restores what counts as “normality” in this bacon-y neck of space-time.

    *nodness*

46. because i need my own rescue. sigh.

47. Figured you were playing Left 4 Dead 2.

48. 45 Mjaum:

    Schroedingers Scalzi?

49. Alternate reality?

    http://gazetteonline.com/breaking-news/2009/11/18/missing-benton-county-man-found-alive

    Family overjoyed Blairstown man found alive
    Posted on Nov 18, 2009 by Admin.
    The family of John Skalsky Jr. was rejoicing Wednesday, celebrating that he was alive and that his aunt had found him lying along the railroad tracks near this Benton County community.

    Now comes the hard work of recovery for the 22-year-old who survived being injured and lying in the open for more than three days, with temperatures in the 30s and 40s and light rain falling Tuesday and Wednesday.

    Skalsky, who lives in Blairstown with his fiancee, went missing Saturday night. He was last heard from around 7 p.m.

50. You know… there’s a scifi story in this… a society so pacified by living in the virtual (ummm… well? cave?) of video games that they miss all the politics going on in the world until they wake up to a world they don’t like… but maybe they’ll stay in a cave/well and not notice a changed world. They’ll live in the Matrix! Okay… I see a lot of hate mail coming my way… that games aren’t issolating because they are social networking… etc. And it isn’t like you aren’t talking politics on occassion on this site….. So……. whatever. Hey, I like video games, too… and already have Left 4 Dead 1 & 2 and Call of Duty 2… to name just a few new releases… I’m just saying. ’nuff said.

51. #48: Or Schroedinger’s John. (Is it flushed, or isn’t it? You can’t tell without lifting the lid.)

52. I was waiting for Dr. Phil or Stephen Buchheit to do it.

53. Oops. I had a power outage the day before yesterday, and it seems to have unset the alarms and sirens.

    But it should be reset now. Let’s test it; go back out to the well and hop inside for just a minute.

54. Everyone’s already done all the Lassie jokes. :(

55. Randall @ #54:

    I am sure there’s at least a few left, although that MAY require setting the joker to Pun.

    On the flip site, at least it was a water well, would’ve been Really Odd (in more ways than one) had it been a lassi well.

56. Are you still down the well? How can you do your AMC column if you’re still down the well?

57. So, well-boy, maybe you’ll think twice before you refuse to read my someone’s Stargate Univerrse/Walker, Texas Ranger crossover treatment.

58. Because I was too out of breath after getting help for Tikki Tikki Tembo-No Sa Rembo-Chari Bari Ruchi-Pip Peri Pembo.

59. Is THAT what Lassie was trying to tell me?! I thought she just wanted a steak. :/

60. I was at the local Barnes & Nobel buying the Palin book.

61. Jason @58 my kids love that story!

    I didn’t go in the well ’cause that scary girl that climbs outta my TV lives in there…

62. @58 Ha! Nostalgia! Wasn’t that kid the brother of Chang who IS Chang? ;-)

63. Errrr… because.. I didn’t push you down the well in the first place?

64. Piper assured me that she’d told Ghlaghghee via the catnetwork, and your fluffy friend was hard at work taking care of the situation. Surely the cat wouldn’t lie? In other news, Hobbes would like some more treats, and to have his belly petted.

65. @62 :D Somebody else remembered! He’s actually Chang who Is Chang’s older brother…..

66. Well, I tried but the neo-Republican, god-fearing, NRA supporting militant wing of the Palin for President campaign has your compound surrounded. They said that you weren’t to be rescued until you nominated her for the Nobel Prize for Literature.
    Unfortunately for you we have standards…. and then there were the zombies. I mean, it’s hard to tell the difference but really it was just too much like hard work in the end.