Categories
Uncategorized

Oh My God

It’s almost three o’clock and I haven’t updated yet today!

I must have fallen down a well!

WHY DIDN’T YOU COME RESCUE ME?!!?!!!??!?!??!?!???!

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

66 replies on “Oh My God”

You didn’t push your “Fell Down A Well” alert button! There it is, on that string around your neck, where we put it because you kept forgetting it!

I guess we’re going to have to take turns watching you. You’d think Kody would have come running to us, saying “Bark bark!” which as every Lassie viewer knows is Dog for “Hurry! Bring ropes and block and tackle and medical supplies! The guy with the camera has fallen down a well with no Coke Zero in it!” But Kody neglected this fundamental duty.

Cats pretty much think you might as well be down a well as anywhere…until you miss feeding them. Then it’s all “Call the police! Call the fire department! Call the grocery store! We’re hunnnnnngry!

The question is not why didn’t we come rescue you.

The question is this: Why didn’t you tweet the fact that you had fallen down a well?

And don’t give me that “I didn’t have my phone down the well!” canard. Everyone who’s anyone already has the Direct Neural Interface plug-in for all the hip social networking sites.

Don’t tell me you’re not anyone?

I could have sworn that I signed up for “Receive Scalzi fell down a well! Alerts on your Mobile Phone” service. Sorry, but either my provider or yours must have dropped the ball on that.

Well, you never answer your e-mail anyway and you probably ran down your cell phone battery on Twitter. (grin) Plus the above posters commenting on the uselessness of cats are quite correct — the self-absorbed kitties never pass on the messages I telepathically send them. Bastards.

Dr. Phil

It’s your own fault. We couldn’t find you. DUDE. 140 character limit. Just look at your tweet:

HELP, I AM STUCK DOWN A WELL!1!1! SEND THE FIRE COMPANY TO COME AND RESCUE ME!1!! THE WELL IS LOCATED ON THE BACK 40! ITS RIGHT NEAR THE “

I mean, really. What were we SUPPOSED to do?

I was too busy thinking of new ways to say “‘mericans are de stupid” to notice one more silly ‘merican down a well. Or possibly not down a well. Or possibly in a quantum superposition of being both down a well and not down a well *at the same time*. Still silly, though, which is likely what breaks down the quantum wavefront and restores what counts as “normality” in this bacon-y neck of space-time.

*nodness*

Alternate reality?

http://gazetteonline.com/breaking-news/2009/11/18/missing-benton-county-man-found-alive

Family overjoyed Blairstown man found alive
Posted on Nov 18, 2009 by Admin.
The family of John Skalsky Jr. was rejoicing Wednesday, celebrating that he was alive and that his aunt had found him lying along the railroad tracks near this Benton County community.

Now comes the hard work of recovery for the 22-year-old who survived being injured and lying in the open for more than three days, with temperatures in the 30s and 40s and light rain falling Tuesday and Wednesday.

Skalsky, who lives in Blairstown with his fiancee, went missing Saturday night. He was last heard from around 7 p.m.

You know… there’s a scifi story in this… a society so pacified by living in the virtual (ummm… well? cave?) of video games that they miss all the politics going on in the world until they wake up to a world they don’t like… but maybe they’ll stay in a cave/well and not notice a changed world. They’ll live in the Matrix! Okay… I see a lot of hate mail coming my way… that games aren’t issolating because they are social networking… etc. And it isn’t like you aren’t talking politics on occassion on this site….. So……. whatever. Hey, I like video games, too… and already have Left 4 Dead 1 & 2 and Call of Duty 2… to name just a few new releases… I’m just saying. ’nuff said.

Oops. I had a power outage the day before yesterday, and it seems to have unset the alarms and sirens.

But it should be reset now. Let’s test it; go back out to the well and hop inside for just a minute.

Randall @ #54:

I am sure there’s at least a few left, although that MAY require setting the joker to Pun.

On the flip site, at least it was a water well, would’ve been Really Odd (in more ways than one) had it been a lassi well.

Well, I tried but the neo-Republican, god-fearing, NRA supporting militant wing of the Palin for President campaign has your compound surrounded. They said that you weren’t to be rescued until you nominated her for the Nobel Prize for Literature.
Unfortunately for you we have standards…. and then there were the zombies. I mean, it’s hard to tell the difference but really it was just too much like hard work in the end.

Comments are closed.

Exit mobile version