The Intervention is Not Going Well

Lopsided Cat and Ghlaghghee knew that it would be difficult to talk to Zeus about his addiction to ‘nip. But they never expected Zeus to brazenly pull out the Catnip Sock and “snork up” right in front of them.

And as they say on the street, that’s when the shit got real:

“Seriously, man, he had no right to attack me like that. Yeah, I like my ‘nip. So what? It’s natural, it’s legal, and I’m totally in control of it. And anyway, look who’s snorking the sock now. Yeah, that’s right. Lopsided Cat. Dude’s totally a hypocrite, man.”

Disgusted with the whole sorry incident, Ghlaghghee leaves Zeus and Lopsided Cat to their ‘nip induced haze.

Tragedies like this happen in America every day. Personally, I blame the bastard who gave them the ‘nip in the first place. And when I find him, oh, the things I will do to him.

50 Comments on “The Intervention is Not Going Well”

  1. that first photo is just a few photo-shopped sombreros and six shooters away from being a mexican stand off… with one really lazy participant.

    Also, I’ve heard that when you start composing long running dialogues for your cats in your head (and then posting them on your blog), that’s a sign of late onset schizophrenia, or at least major nerdiness.

    Just something I’ve heard :)

  2. Next time on Celebrity Rehab, Dr. Drew welcomes Lopsided Cat to the clinic.

    Lopsided: “I don’t know what happened, man. I was just trying to help my man Zeus out, and he totally goes apesh**t on me. Next thing I know, I’m face down in the toilet puking from a nip OD.”

    Steven Adler: “Ah, quit bullsh***ing me! You’re an addict just like me. Back in the day, Slash, Axl, and I used to do bags and bags of nip before gigs. Oh, and Matt Sorum can go to hell!”

  3. “Dudes, I don’t have a problem. It’s for medicinal use, and, ah, I like all the pretty colors and stuff….Wow, look at my tail, it’s so fluffy.”

  4. I hate driving downtown these days. All those dealers on the corners selling nip socks…

    To hell in a hand basket, I say. That’s where we’re going.

  5. Looks to me like you’ve just photoshopped cat faces onto the big finish from “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.” And now the theme music from that movie will be in my head the rest of the day.

  6. Interventions are like running for office on third party tickets. No one expects to accomplish anything, but you can’t complain with the same amount of conviction until you go through the motions.

  7. Awww, man, I was going to do my CSI impersonation and blow up (excuse me – enlarge) the photo to figure out what those books were. You’re not supposed to ‘fess up until the nerd confronts you with the evidence.

    So I’ll ask the next question – why is there a copy of “Liar” standing face-out on your shelf, instead of spine-out like most books? Selling product placements now, are we?

  8. Ever try those catnip cigars that the health food/coops stock? That stuff is hard-core, man. When we give one of those to the Maine Coons it’s not a fight for the prize, it’s global thermonuclear warfare.

  9. I’m at work and can’t see the pictures you posted. I can only use my imagination…and that makes your text all the more visceral, haha.

  10. My favorite intervention story comes from Stephen King, whose wife confronted him with trash bags full of empty Listerine bottles.

    “It’s a lie! I drank the Scope!”

  11. Sic transit gloria the I-love-ya-bro gay kitty grooming affair of yesterday?

    Or is LC, in a desperate attempt to Keep Love Alive, enablin’ his man Zeus by doing the ‘nip with him?

    I think someone, or a couple of someones, need to go to Nip Anon, and possibly Al-Nip Anon.

  12. We grow catnip in a hanging basket off the porch in the summers. Brush against that on the way into the house and you’ll see just how affectionate cats can get…

    We put a handful of fresh leaves in an old sock, knot it and toss it to the cats. Yes, we’re enablers… but man is that funny to watch!

  13. O Great Scalzi, what an excellent series of pictures of Her Most Perfect Shimmering Radiant Glory and Mighty Lopsided Cat and TempCat Zeus.

    However, your description of the live action is very poor and inaccurate.

    You have also offered your usual nonsensical and blasphemous interpretation. How many times have we told you not to do that?

    In frustration, the Subcommittee the Executive Committee tasked to create the correct interpretation adjourned without report.

    In other lack of news, the Subcommittee responsible for finding ways to ban you from the Whatever has yet to come up with a good plan. But when they do, you will be the first to know.

    The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club

    PS – We renew our demand for videos of Magnificent She. If you are going to take a series of successive images, why don’t you just take a lot more images a lot closer together? When strung together that is called a video. Look into it.

  14. CaseyL 23: Sic transit gloria the I-love-ya-bro gay kitty grooming affair of yesterday?

    1. No, getting ‘nipped together is what made them realize their true feelings in the first place.

    2. No, ‘sic transit gloria’ doesn’t apply on Thursdays. (Yes, that’s a setup.)

  15. I just wanted to say that I would like to know the problem that required a door stop of that size.

  16. Off the kitty topic – I absolutely loved “Liar” and thank you for including it in your Big Idea series. It amused me to note that it still graces your shelves.

  17. @Rob K. – That’s very, very wrong. I have no intellectual argument for why it’s wrong, but I know wrong when I see it.

  18. John, you have entirely too much time on your hands sir. Feel like editing 35 pages? You can probably do it between more snapshots.

  19. Wizardru@18

    Great Steppanwolf reference, now thats playing in my mind.

    Durmmm, dudrummm, dudrummm, dudrumm

  20. Good Lord, Scalzi, monetise this den of feline perversion before its too late! Reality television is calling, like the whisper of autumn leaves at the bottom of an open grave… :)

  21. I dig the stack of Ghost Brigades. Can I have one? Or are the cats loitering around them for a reason, like guard cats, paid in nipsocks?

  22. Get that man a deadline stat. Next thing you know he will start dealing kitty pictures.

    First you start looking at them.
    Then you start making your. It cheaper and safer than getting it on the street.
    Then you start dealing to support the habit because you are not working any more.

    Somebody get this guy a book contract or something.

  23. Uh John. You are not fooling anyone. That is so your sock. I am totally on to the fact that you are pushing this stuff to supplement the income. I get it. Its cool.

  24. I see James Clavell’s Shogun prominently displayed. I know it’s a fine book, but I can’t think of it without recalling the equally fine (perhaps even finer) miniseries adaptation of the early 1980s.

  25. I had two cats, one of whom was not effected by Catnip. He was the “domestic shorthair”, or the mongrel that was born in a barn; he was also black.

    The Niphead was the pedigreed Persian. It was quite funny watching the elegant pedigreed cat turn into a total Niphead while the barn cat just looked on.

    I haven’t tried my current kitten on catnip. Something to do in the near future.


    P.S. I so think that Nip ought to be legal; imagine the tax revenue that we could pull in.

  26. John Scalzi, is that an ironically displayed copy of the original whitewashed cover of Liar on your bookshelf?

    John Scalzi, I am pleased!

  27. Aja:

    It was actually placed there during a cleanup and not moved again; its appearance is non-ironic.

    That said, I did intentionally crop down the picture so the title of the book is visible but not most of the cover art, because I know the cover pains my friend Justine.

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