Hey, You Know What

I could really go for an In-N-Out Burger right about now.


78 Comments on “Hey, You Know What”

  1. “leaves”

    to where? California? ‘Cause yo usure aren’t getting an In-n-out burger anywhere around the greater Dayton area.

    Do you need someone to feed the cats while you’re away on this burger run?

  2. The problem with being able to have a Double-Double whenever you want is that you can have a Double-Double whenever you want.

    Greg, not getting any thinner in San Diego

  3. So mean to do that when I

    A> have not had a chance for lunch yet


    B> am on the opposite side of the dang country from any In and Outs..

  4. The sonic boom from your departure must have been that minor quake that showed up in Ohio on the USGS website.

    Mind you don’t trip up on the Rockies. And don’t get trapped in the Speed Force!

  5. Now, that’s just not right, John.

    We are, I’m embarrassed to admit, without In-N-Out here in Central Texas. Of course, we do have some of the best smoked brisket in the world, but still…

  6. You better be going to California, because if Ohio got an In-N-Out before Seattle, I’m going to be in a stabby mood.

  7. It was a great tragedy that my hometown area only got an In’N’Out after I moved far far away. Mmmm, In’N’Out….

  8. I know the feeling. I have a hankering for bad chinese buffet.*


    *Being Canadian, I have never experienced the in&out burger. If I am ever in the greater L.A. area, that will on my list of things to do.

  9. If they somehow managed to open an In-N-Out in Ohio, I will drive to it, even if they put it as far away from me as physically possible. (I think that would be Toledo, off hand.)

  10. Don’t get the appeal of them, had a DD in Vegas, wanted to gag..if that was supposed to be good, hate to see you call horrible…and no, I don’t have a favorite fast food burger place…Now Vera’s Burgers in Vancouver with everything, NOM to the Nth

  11. Oh great. Here I am stuck in the midwest where there aren’t an In-N-Outs. Thanks to this post, I’m going to have to get on an airplane and fly to Arizona to my favorite In-N-Out in Gilbert. Mmmmm…Double Double and the best fries in the universe.

  12. He probably has a few frozen in his fridge from his last trip to Cali. Hey John, didn’t you get sick on that trip? I wouldn’t eat them if I were you!

  13. (shoots)


    Hi John,
    Found these on the road outside your property and figured they had fallen off a post or something. I’d’ve brung ’em back in person but I guess you’re away.

  14. No need to go the way to California, John. In-N-Out is here in Nevada too!

    Thanks for making me hungry for them. LOL

  15. Is a In-N-Out Burger anything like a WhataBurger? We don’t have either in New Orleans and I’ve been known to take a road trip to Baton Rouge or Biloxi just to get a WhataBurger.

  16. OK, I still don’t get why you’re not talking about the central issue here, which is Amazon wants…


    Hey, bring me back a couple, too. With bacon? And fries?


  17. Johnny Rockets has the best fries. Or had, last time I ate any, which was long, long ago at a BMI far, far away.

  18. Xopher @25: Johnny Rockets DOES have great fries, and onion rings, and burgers, and shakes. Just wish I knew of one near me.

  19. Is In-N-Out anything like Five Guys?
    Because you know, Five Guys makes truly excellent burgers…

  20. There’s a Red Robin near you in Beavercreek. Excellent burgers. No air fare to California required.

  21. I could really go for some Ono with a selection of Maui local vegetables cooked en bastille and served at the Waterfront in Wailuku.


    @Masterthief #31 – Red Robin is awesome.

  22. Possibility #1: He’s in Cali working on TSSPTHCTUA.

    Possibility #2: The statement is not directly connected to the stage direction.

  23. I’m gonna back up the Five Guys boosters. Great fries and great burgers. And one just opened relatively close.

  24. I was thinking of going healthy today. Nothing quite like burger-talk to kick me off the wagon…

  25. see, let me tell you why Macmillan is the cause of your inability to actually get an in and out burger. . .

  26. Two weeks – two short, short weeks – before I get back to American food – and New Mexico chow at that – and you bastards are doing this to me. STOP IT. Stop it or the falafel gets it!

    *waves Wacom stylus threateningly at the falafel*

  27. John,

    I have to agree with many of the sentiments here… additionally, if you know of a super-secret In-N-Out in Ohio, please fill us in. As someone who spent his entire life in SoCal, living on Double Doubles, and now sadly living in Northern Kentucky… I sorely miss said Double Doubles.

    FYI, there is a Fatburger in the general Cincinnati area. I know it’s not a direct substitute…

  28. I don’t mean this harshly, but…am I missing something? I’ve had I think three Double Doubles since I moved to SoCal, and they’ve all been mediocre. Do I just have bad luck?

  29. MasterTheif: Red Robin, while excellent and decadent =/= In N Out burger. Different species of burgers altogether.

    Speaking of, it’s just about lunchtime here in LA, and I think the In N Out on Lankershim is calling my name.

  30. Mr. A @ 40: Damn you! That Fatburger is only ten minutes from my house! Now I must go for the burger gods are summoning me.

    Oh, why couldn’t the burger gods be chained to starship engines so Obama wouldn’t have to cut the NASA budget? Why? Why? Why?

    (Yes, I read The God Engines this weekend. In one day.)

  31. Ah, the crap I would eat if transporters were available now.

    Person One: “thank goodness we can immediately get this lifesaving drug to X country to stop this epidemic.”

    Person Two: “quickly, into the transporter with this fresh water to assist with the drought conditions.”

    Womyn2me: “Lunchtime at the Ontario California In-n-Out, want to join me?”

  32. Don’t know what that is, but first mention of a double double I think of a Tim Horton’s coffee which I could TOTALLY go for but alas my lunch break is almost over so don’t have time to run and get yummy coffee!!

  33. I’ll second the motion for Steak ‘n Shake. Whenever I visit my sister in Ohio, a visit there is mandatory, along with a trip to Gold Star Chili – or Skyline if I must. Add a Little Kings Cream Ale and I am a happy dude!

  34. I wish I had In-n-Out near me. I bet it doesn’t freeze/ship as well as White Castle’s.

  35. Ok, we don`t have In-and-Out Burgers in Canada… and the name sounds really weird to me. Do you really want to eat a burger that prides itself on going in and out? :-/

  36. As the self-proclaimed California and In N Out expert here… for those who have had difficulty with appreciating the taste of In N Out… try it “Animal Style.” Heck, try it with “Fries, Animal.” You’ll thank me later. And if you still protest that isn’t special, that’s ok, Fatburger is probably your thing.

    Steak n Shake? Not comparable, in my less than humble opinion.

    And not-so-useless knowledge, don’t expect rapid expansion of In N Outs. Family owned business, no franchises. In case you don’t care… they offer their employees full benefits, free food and competitive wages. I think minimum was $10/hour, 5 years ago…

  37. That was just so random.

    I don’t think they have In N Out in Ohio. Unless you’re in my neck of the woods and didn’t tell us.

  38. There’s an In-and-Out in Columbus, Ohio according to their Locations map.

    Johnny may be gone from us for some time.

    I will make an effigy of him from blu-tak. And when it doesn’t hug me back I will burn it. BURN IT.


  39. Ok son, I’ll go get one – eat it – report on the experience. There’s an In-N-Out just five minutes away . . . do you think they have them in Nevada?

  40. Hey,

    That gives me an idea for dinner!

    Not sure about In-and-Out, but we in Vancouver have the best one. And of course anyone here for the Olympics can try for themselves.

    Vera’s Burgershack


    Disclaimer: Neither I, nor anyone I know or am related to works for them. Just a big fan.


  41. I love the fact that I realised I was out of vital ingredients for burger making, went shopping, got distracted, acquired some seriously spiffy cashmere jumpers at deep, deep discount and decided I didn’t really want a burger after all.

    Scalzi’s blog just keeps on giving…

  42. I live 5min from one (depending on the lights) and it’s been at least a year since I went. Just not that inspired by them.

    Re#51. Last month AM/PM markets was advertising rolled taco’s “So nice, you’ll taste them twice”. Am I the only one that immediately thought technicolor yawn, when hearing that slogan? Just seemed like a horrible tagline to me.

  43. Mr Scalzi, you are an evil, evil man. I can have Red Robin (good burgers, icky fries) I can have 5 guys (pretty good) but I have to get on an airplane to get In-n-Out!

    Why do you taunt us with things we cannot have?!

  44. @57, Michael in Vancouver
    I live in Victoria, but am now seriously considering the ferry ride over JUST for that. Thank you.

  45. @57/62.

    Coincidentally I will be up there for the first week of the games, so I’ll be adding that to my list of places to try. Hopefully the ferry back and forth won’t suck too badly on the 17/19/21st. Go Sweden!

  46. I dropped one in the post for you, John. You will probably have to re-heat it.

  47. Sadly, the lunch rush line was long, and I had to get back to work on Tuesday, forcing me to settle for Mickey D’s. However, I will have one this weekend with extra grilled onions.

  48. Hey #62 Gwenn,

    You might want to do it soon, or skip the traffic nightmare the Olympics will create. If you doubt me, just ask anyone from Atlanta!!!!



  49. This native Californian, born less than two miles from the firstest IN-N-OUT evar, begs a moment of your time in order to clarify a serious point:

    The name IN-N-OUT does not, repeat does not, describe the food which it sells.

    To paraphrase a decade-old tagline: “It’s the cars, stupid.”  One of the earlier drive-thru hamburger vendors in .co.la.ca.us, the name refers to the speedy flow of its patrons’ vehicles.

    @51, 65 et al.: Thank you for your respectful attention.  BTW, Mr. A’s testimony above is 100% delicious truth.

  50. It was delicious son. However . . . the fries still leave me wanting. Hope you wanted the strawberry shake. Love, Mom

  51. Solution: Find investors, buy a military surplus SR-71 Blackbird (and various support aircraft and facilities), hire one or more of its former pilots out of retirement, and establish a burger courier service. You’d use the Blackbird for international hub transport, a fleet of surplus MIG-25’s for transport to and from smaller airports, and Westland Lynx ZB-500 helicopters for the service to the customer’s door. Win!

  52. Christopher Hawley @ 69: That’s an interesting datum about why In-n-Out are called that, but it doesn’t really erase the obvious image. Most especially not for a… product… like a burger, which looks creepily like the gastronomic equivalent of the perpetual-motion machine already.

    I mean, was there ever such a successful case of obliviousness to unwanted associations since Wine and Levine thought it would be a really good idea to emit a love-song called Candida?

  53. @MarkHB – Actually, that’s them just explaining what our state capital is. :(

    The nearest In-N-Out is still in Iowa, and my hopes, after spiking for a moment, have once again been extinguished.

  54. Directly related to comment 41: # Jess Nevins

    I don’t get it. I’ve had double-doubles on the road in CA, in downtown LA, working my ass off in 109* heat in the Valley cutting and welding steel art/sculpture, a half a dozen times visiting or since I’ve moved to LA.

    They are barely better than McD’s (which I became a veg for 7 years because of); Wendys, Roys, Arbys, and even BK are more edible; and they’re not nearly as good as some of the little burger one-offs or even Carl’s Jr.

    Also, their fries are like artificially potato flavored cardboard. Have they changed or something? I like a good greasy burger as much as anyone, but In-N-Out has yet to qualify as even edible.