The Greatest Poll of All

Something to keep you occupied whist I am off the Internets today:

Just in case you need help:

Don’t say I don’t love you, man.

59 Comments on “The Greatest Poll of All”

  1. Oh. My only complaint was the awful way YouTube deals with audio. It makes some of the rubbish I’ve downloaded from file sharing sites sound quite reasonable by comparison. So she’s a lounge singer. Some lounge singers are quite good. I give you some Maori guy from Aoteroa singing a song about his imaginary friend:

  2. Well, considering some of the pics that have been posted of you here, it’s clear your dignity is long gone.

    So gotta go with loving yourself. You certainly got that down. ;)

  3. Yeah, I’m gonna need you to go ahead and make the pain of a thousand burning suns stop. Oh, and while you’re at it, come in on Sunday, too.

    Thanks a bunch, John.

  4. Man, I didn’t “get” this song when it came out. It was such a relief to hear one of the songwriters explain that it was meant to be sung be an older and more experienced woman. Oh, and I was going with the “he’s lived as he believes” quote until I came to the final, yelling, all caps option.

  5. I am very happy with fact that I can currently not remember any lines of the song “The Greatest Love of All,” nor generally how the song goes. So, I did not click on your devilish YouTube link, nor did I even read the various options in your evil poll. Nice try, John Scalzi, but I am on to you, Mister.

  6. I had to sing this song at a class recital, when I was in third or fourth grade. I really dislike this song.

  7. So glad that video does not autoplay, and therefore the ear-bleeding can be kept to a minimum.

  8. I was going to vote “I’m just lookin’ for some tush” until I discovered it’s not actually one of the choices. Maybe I shouldn’t vote while listening to my iPod.

  9. I’m surprised that a self-professed geek would stand up and admit that learned to love himself was the greatest love of all. But I suppose it’s your body and your computer connection and it’s no one’s business how you use either of them.

  10. It’s almost as bad as “aaaaaaand IIIIIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

  11. I wanted to vote:
    love stinks… yah yah
    but that wasn’t an option.

    There’s a number of great love songs that didn’t make the list to choose from:

    eight six seven five three oh nine

    woah woah here she comes, watch out boy she’ll chew you up

    He smiled so I got up an’ asked for his name, That don’t matter, he said, ‘Cause it’s all the same

    And my favorite love song of all:

    You’re lying so low in the weeds, I bet you’re gonna ambush me

    Brings a tear to my eye, it does.

  12. It’s almost as bad as “aaaaaaand IIIIIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

    Great. Now I’ve got two annoying songs stuck in my head.

    It’s going to be a long morning.

  13. I felt the need to comment since all comments so far are from Men (I think) feeling the need to dis this wonderful….OK, I cannot lie its an annoying drippy screechy song.

  14. Technically I suspect it should be the one about “They can’t take away his dignity.” Because, y’know, you can’t take away something that was never there.

  15. You know, sometimes I’m really really glad that I don’t have speakers on this computer.

  16. It’s hard enough trying to read Orson Scott Card’s books without remembering his worldview. But if I ever get to the point where reading your books evokes Whitney Houston’s songs, I cannot be responsible for my actions. Please, don’t go there again.

  17. I’m not sure that putting “The greatest love of all is happening to him!” and “Learning to love himself was the greatest love of all!” RIGHT NEXT to each other was the best placement.

  18. You are a strange, strange man. But I believe that had already been established. Thank heavens for the final option on the quiz. Now for a Ramones setlist to clear the palate.

  19. mjfgates @28: If “the greatest love of all” is “learning to love himself” and “the greatest love of all” is “happening to him,” it follows that “learning to love himself” must be “happening to him.”

    Is that why he’s off the Internets today?

  20. Funny, I always thought of you as more of a “knows when to hold, knows when to fold ’em” kind of guy.

  21. “911.”

    “911…hello, can we help you?”

    “911…are you there?”

    “Sir or ma’am, if you can hear me, please stay on the line, we’re sending an emergency response team.”

    (then, to someone in the background)
    “No, no one is answering. There’s just the faint sound of Whitney Houston singing the Greatest Love of All. It could be serious.”

    “Sir or ma’am. Just hang on, help is almost there! Try to turn down the volume, if you can.”

  22. Clearly you have no dignity and (probably) never had, so that’s out.

    As this is a family forum, I think we should banish all discussion about *ahem* loving oneself (if you know what I mean and I think you do).

    I’m going to say, without irony, based on the obvious love you have for your wife and daughter and that they have for you, that the greatest love of all is happening to you. Which is nice.

    But let’s get to the important questions:

    * Does Scalzi want to dance with somebody?
    * Does Scalzi want to feel the heat with somebody?
    * When the night falls, does his lonely heart call?

  23. Although I didn’t start the video just the written words were enough to bring on the whitneys so I had to turn to this perfect antivenom (provided by an Australian, they know a thing or two about poisons):

  24. I used to really like an author named John Scalzi. Then I burned all his books. Don’t know why, guess the greatest burninating of all just happened to them.

  25. Gee..and my friend from Illinois was just complaining that I put “Ohio” back in his head again…Whoops, there it goes again. (this summer I heard the drumin’)

  26. I chose “No matter what they take from him, they can’t take away his dignity” assuming that this was the obvious ironic choice, and was saddened and surprised to see that so few of my fellow Whateverites share my love of irony…


  27. “I don’t love you, man.”

    I’m such a rebel.

    Wait. Should that be “You don’t love me, man”? Rats.

  28. #40, The Other Keith

    “Isn’t It Ironic” has forever killed off my interest in the ironic, the non-ironic, the ironically ironic, and the ironically non-ironic.

    Ironic is a pretty funny word if you type it over and over again. Ironic. Ironic. Ironic. Ironic.

  29. I think, in fact, you want someone to give you a sense of pride, to make it easier (what? What? WHAT?)

  30. I was going to go with the dignity one, but then I remembered you’re the man who put bacon…on a cat….the dignity ship has sailed. I decided the shadow one….no children…no no loving yourself…Gah! Whichever will get that song that’s now a major earworm in my head…out

  31. looking at the current percentages…..
    ….. I don’t think many people are taking this seriously.

    Then again I voted for the line not in the song.

  32. I must admit to liking this song. Not the Whitney version, though, the George Benson one. It was part of “The Greatest” the movie about Muhammed Ali, so I never think of it as a woman’s story, no matter what Wikipedia says.

    And every time I heard the Whitney version coming on, I changed stations.

  33. I can’t believe there are 1,880 votes on this poll.
    I can’t believe I am one of them.
    Must . . . go . . . be . . . productive . . .

  34. This song was OK the first time I heard it(the George Benson version) and the second time, maybe even the first 20 times.
    When it saturated the air-waves, as pop radio seems to do, I began to loath this song.

  35. Pat@36 – I, too, thank you – that was like a refreshing dip in a high mountain stream after the sludgy earworm of Whitney.

  36. I dunno. My opinion of the song would indicate the all-caps option. However, every post about his marriage and family seems to indicate that:
    “The greatest love of all is happening to him!”

    And I’m really not all that sentimental usually.

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