How to Read My New Short Story a Week Early

So, while you weren’t looking, I wrote some new fiction — a short story. And I sold it to, who will post it next week to celebrate its second year of existence. But if you just can’t wait until next week, follow this link to find out how you can get it early, as in, right NOW. No, you don’t have to sacrifice a goat or any other living thing. Leave that to the professionals. This is much simpler, and if you’re a fan of science fiction, something you’d probably want to do anyway. And, hey: New fiction by me.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

50 replies on “How to Read My New Short Story a Week Early”

Thanks for that – what a fun story!! The “Everything but the squeal” story in Metatropolis was quite good as well. You work as well in the short form as you do in novel lengths – any future plans for a short story collection?

So here I am thinking that I might have to re-subscribe to to get the early viewing advantage. New mail arrives — guess that that won’t be necessary after all.

Settle back with beverage. Reading ensues. Nasal spit-take ensues. DAMMIT, SCALZI!

(rotted in case this is too spoilerific…)


“Oenva naq oenva! Jung vf oenva?”

“Vg’f gur ovg gung yrgf lbh qhax lbhe urnq haqrejngre jvgubhg evfxvat lbhe arpx fanccvat.”


Thanks for the story, John. Your political satire is both dry and biting. But dammit, now I have to pack up the kids and go down to Five Guys. What a blessing and curse they have opened up here in Seattle.

There’s a Five Guys in Seattle now? Gift/Curse is right! Live in Everett, work in Seattle. I see a mini road trip in the immediate future. Thanks for the info Hubert, I’ve obviously been out of the loop.

Oh, I’m glad I can have new stuff to read when I get home from work. Thanks John.

Jeff, it’s actually in Renton (the Landing shopping center), but I thought I’d be colloquial. Probably an easier trip for you anyway from Everett. You can find it on the Five Guys site.

Got it in my in-box this morning, read it at lunch, now feel a little light-headed. I’m sure it will pass after a day or two.

Nice Clarke reference, by the way – this story was like an episode of the West Wing crossed with the Illuminatus! Trilogy, penned by Douglas Adams from his secret prison in Mole Man’s Subterranea.

Now if you could point me to the alien groupies?

I just received this in the email from JP newsletter


We are saddened to report the passing of James P. Hogan at the age of 69.

Jim was alone at his home in Ireland when he died suddenly yesterday, July 12, 2010.

The precise cause of Jim’s death has not yet been determined, nor is the exact time known.

We are in touch with the family and will release further information as it becomes available.

Tim Gleason

This Newsletter has been posted to:

If you are using AOL or a mail client that doesn’t display the URL as a link, cut and paste the link into your browser window.

Rick @ 30

Northgate! man, this is just getting better and better. Not that there’s anything wrong with Renton, but Northgate is only like 12 miles or so.


Lynn @36 has taken a wrong turning. But click her link, Johnnie! Click it! You may NEED HELP with your ritign kreer!

Looks like the input end at Quantico fell apart for *some b o d y e e e e* ;)

I was expecting to read about Rahm Emmanuelle, a brown paper bag and someone’s testes at one point. Thank you for making me laugh for no money :)

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