Posted on August 28, 2010
Posted by Kate Baker
This one comes with a caption contest. The winner will receive some cool books by cool authors from my stash. You have until Monday noon, PST, to come up with something for this one. Good luck!
Cat Yoga did not work as well in practice as it did in theory.
Put the money on the dresser….no don’t hand it to me…put it on the dresser.
My name? Kitty, Kitty Galore.
I’m here, I’m waiting, now where is the petting?
Before you speak, consider carefully the fate of the last person to make a “Jabba the Hutt” reference in my presence.
Now, you may proceed.
Dance for me, my pretty. And when you’re done, peel some grapes for me.
Damn! Can’t find the stupid remote. Guess I’m stuck watching Telemundo all day again.
How about you take those fancy opposable thumbs you guys always brag about & go open some tuna?
That’s a good human.
Beulah, peel me a mouse.
You told me we were going to watch a musical with cats, not stupid humans in silly outfits!
Since you’re up, I want the catnip, some fresh rat guts, a beer, and the remote control–in that order.
What? So it’s okay for you to watch the ballgame like this, but I can’t?
What do you mean I’m “just a cat”? Why didn’t somebody tell me this before… oh NO!!!
Catnip hangover, if only Harry could remember whether his night had been worth the pain…
O Great Baker, how nice it is to see a picture of the Beauteous Ghlaghghee, even a dangerously disrespectful one that puts us all in serious peril.
This image was no doubt part of the “special collection” Blacklisted Scalzi left for you for The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club.
The Executive Committee will remember this, Scalzi.
From Her Expression, so will She.
The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club
PS – The winning caption (that means the low-brows of the Whatever need not submit further pathetic efforts) is: “Scalzi sucks. But then you all knew that, right?”
These two pillows will be sufficient for the present. I’ll let you know when I require another. Now change the channel to Animal Planet.
She was young, and needed the money.
I’m not a lady, so don’t talk to me about crossing my legs.
Your Jedi mind tricks will not work on me, but my cat mind tricks will work on you. Bring me Catnip!!
“Peg, I’m home.”
The tummy is tempting, but off limits.
Wealthy: adj. 1. Rich 2. Possessing a greater-than-normal amount of financial resources. 3. Having the financial security to stay at home all day and every day, recline naked on pillows, watch constant reruns of Shark Week, play with oneself in public, or a combination of all of the above. Example: “That cat plays with himself like he’s wealthy, or somethin’. And why didn’t you tell me we had the Discovery Channel?”
F*%$ Bob Barker! spay or neuter him instead!
Hello? Hello?!? This tummy’s not gonna rub itself!
Leo. What’s your sign?
Get the hell out of the way! I’m trying to watch Dogs 101!
If you leave right now …… I may let you live.
Why cats need pants
Keep that bacon and camera away from me!
“I’m going to make Scalzi an offer he can’t refuse.”
I am MOST depressed that Chang Who Is Not Chang has not commented on the previous Illustrious She Image. Bring me the scotch. Leave the bottle.
Insignificant human, you block my view of the television. You will suffer the consequences…
Hypno-pillow has demanded an offering.
I cannot deny this request.
Bite me, Ceiling Cat!
Does this look like a Kodak moment to you?
When I think of you, I touch myself.
OMG! Wherz my ballz!
“Oh Hai. I iz PublishAmerica author counting my moneyz.”
Tell me the truth. Do I look fat?
Theez r not the pillowz ur looking for…
Arbles go WHERE????!!?
“now all I need is a clown sweater and you can call me Wil”
Mom! Knock first!
i iz nought pillu
“I murdered the dog. Do you have a problem with that?”
The alliance… will die. As will your friends. Good, I can feel your anger. I am defenseless. Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!
Flufficus Maximus: Resplendent upon the cou- er, throne, in all her magnificent glory.
“I’d like a mani-pedi today, please.”
(I have a cat that looks EXACTLY like your cat.)
Chang not Chang and the committee will not like this, Scalzi.
Very well you can have the cat nip. I am taking the couch.
for what it’s worth, since the scalzi family just lost kodi i think #45 is not very funny.
“I am the master of my domain.”
They shrink when its cold, you know.
Well, it all started a few years ago… when he taped bacon on me.
While you’re up can you get me a Bud Lite?
“I am wo-cat, hear me RAWR!”
“Encouraged by their lack of human supervision, the industrious Scalzi cats started their own web-site to bring high-class kitty porn to the masses…”
Youz want me tah do whut?! Dat’s it, whut kinda maguhzeen is dis?
What! I have ergophobia!
And then they said, “You’re not cute enough to be an Ewok.” As if those clowns they hired are cuter than me. Jerks!
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Aw, crap! Where’d my nuts go?
Talk not of unicorn kittens and bacon in front of us! We are the cat. Leave our catnip on the table as you back out of the room.
“They all say that a sex tape would launch my Hollywood career!”
Lookin is free, touchin will cost ya!
The royal tummy has been presented.
Don’t even think about it.
Hello Neo. I am the Cat Architect. I designed the Cat Matrix. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant… because it does not involve scratching under my chin.
Warning: Any attempt to move this icon will result in cat scratch fever
The minion who placed these cushions so badly will suffer severe punishment.
Ghlaghghee’s tail does not ghlagh itself, you know…
Betty, I had to bring Sally home from the sleepover early because I caught her on the couch in the den, ahem, playing with herself.
(Nadya’s een watching Mad Men tonight.)
HEY…I’m trying to nap here…
what? WHAT do you want?
But I *always* do my dead bug imitation when I have catnip!
Put down the camera and hand me the remote, human.
this was more fun before that fateful trip to the vet….
Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this…
Meow. I am Inigo Montoya. You snipped my fatherhood. Prepare to die.
No cats here, just us pillows. Come out mice, come out and play!
(Preferably in a deep baritone)
These cushions are suitably comfortable. They shall suffice as a throne. . .for now.
Now bring my some tuna, human, or you shall suffer my wrath.
Pee no evil
Your camera will now self destruct!
Lick my fluffy feline balls man thing!
“Rub the tummy or I steal your soul.”
Taunting the tauntable since 1998
John Scalzi, proprietor – JS
Athena Scalzi, contributor – AMS
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