You Will Either Want to Make This or Will Instantly Become a Vegetarian

I don’t even want to think about what the bathroom in that house looked like two hours after dinner.

(hat tip)

68 Comments on “You Will Either Want to Make This or Will Instantly Become a Vegetarian”

  1. last weekend, my brother celebrated faux-giving, during which he made a tur-duck-hen, which is turkey stuffed with duck stuffed with chicken stuffed with game hen.

  2. Urp!

    Time to brine two turkeys. Gonna’ smoke them with 4 extra turkey legs and a pork roast tomorrow. Now, before y’all go all bacon police over my ass, this is for a 20+ person family gathering.

  3. This room is extremely dusty.  There’s something in my eye.  I wish I had the matériel to recreate this meal.

  4. This is the kind of thing you talk about over beers but would/should never really try. My hat’s off to these guys for taking it too far.

  5. Wait, are they stuffing that with croissants? Yuck. Sounds like the goal was to up the fat content rather than make something tasty.

  6. If you listen closely – really closely, since you have to contend with the (awesome) soundtrack – you can actually hear the arterial calcification occur.

    And before you ask: yes, it sounds like bacon.

  7. I don’t think I want to make that, it looks like entirely too much work.

    But I’d totally help eat it.

  8. That’s enough calories to feed a sedentary First Worlder for a MONTH.

    …Or enough to bring 220 gallons of water to a boil (at least according to the arithmetic).

    I’d take a serving, but only with tremendous guilt.

  9. I have to say that as horrified as I am going to act when my wife watches this video, secretly I would love to be able to try a bite or two. There was some excess that could have been cut from the process and it still would have been tasty. No stuffing, no butter or bacon on the outside, no brown sugar on the inside.

  10. That isn’t just food, its a religion! Wow, time to touch up on the welding skills, make a smoker from an old propane tank and this would be its first sacrifice.

  11. Two thoughts.

    First: I’m not sure if this is the perfect example of why America is great or an example of our downfall.

    Second: I’m not a smoker, but I thought it was awesome/hilarious that the guy bringing out a 75,000 calorie meal had a cigarette dangling from his lips.

  12. All the best meats around! Looks really good once it is fully prepared. Meat is good, go meat!

  13. @Michael Kirkland (23):

    It’s not as bad as you might think. Around the 20 second mark, the guy in the video describes it as 1.5 lbs of bacon and veal pork sausage meat.

    These guys aren’t Vikings though, because it doesn’t have any SPAM ™ in it!

  14. oh god now I’m hungry…although being Scottish I do wonder if it could be deep fried in some way.

  15. Somewhere, a cardiologist cackles with glee.

    And what is up with the pig? No mixing pork with fowl, please. They should have stuffed the 5-layer bird melange thing into an ostrich, and then stuffed that into the featherless corpse of Big Bird. Elmo would weep.

  16. I’m definitely a carnivore, but that looks NASTY. Even ignoring what it’d do to my arteries and my toilet.

  17. I’m with you, Kevin Williams.I loves me some meat, but that’s just offputting in too many ways. Some of those meats would be just fine, served separately, but between the multilayer meats and the stuffing (which is always a bad idea), I’m just revolted.

  18. I was OK with it until they put it in the pig with its face still on it. I really really don’t like my food to have a face.
    The apparently orthodox jew and the pig head was nice touch.

  19. Well, how about my family’s traditional turkey with bacon on top? The bacon fat drips onto the turkey while roasting, resulting in a delicious moist turkey (and the skin tastes like bacon too!). The bacon itself gets nice and crispy and makes a great appetizer.

  20. I’m too busy looking at the serving sizes and wondering how much meat you could eat in a sitting without (apparently) anything other than a very rich stuffing. Even if it was just turkey, I think I’d be sick.

    Excuse me, I’m gonna go get a salad and some plain bread.

  21. Aurian @39 – no bacon, but I baste my turkey in schmaltz, which is rendered chicken fat cooked with salt and onion. The byproduct of this is crispy chicken skin. It’s basically the Jewish version of pork cracklings and lard. Extra schmaltz gets used as part of the roux for gravy.

  22. What? No jellied cranberry sauce? The inhumanity of it all!

    I honestly can’t decide if I find it appetizing or not. I’d bet the pork flavor overwhelms the rest, but each bird does have its own texture. Could be interesting.

  23. WANT!!!! Just one serving though, however the fact that they avoided any veg or potatoes is a disgrace.

  24. WOW!! I’m totally speechless… well, not really, since I am writing this but maybe that’s not the same as “speech”… my stomach is kind of knotty right now and feeling slightly queasy, but would still be willing to give it a shot… is this a rite of passage to some deeply evil, demented ghoul\zombie\viking\walking dead inner circle??

    a lube job I definitely do not need… but, hey, gimme a bite!!

  25. @CrypticMirror #27 To be truly Scottish doesn’t it have to be stuffed into a sheeps stomach before cooking?

  26. my family raves over the fact that I mix poultry seasoning with butter until it makes a paste then smear that paste under the skin of the turkey before baking.

  27. Y’all know that in Louisiana, the home of the turducken, these bird-within-a-bird creations are typically sold by specialty meat dealers. Not too many people slave over them in their own homes. Good way to ruin a kitchen, stove or grill. There is a layer of stuffing between each bird, but it’s usually bread based, excluding those who like to go with dirty rice. If dirty rice, then yeah, even the stuffing has meat. So, urp.

    Also, if you want to try a fried turkey, you can see if your local Popeye’s is selling one. They make a surprisingly tasty product for a pretty good price. Your local firehouse will thank you for not getting all DIYish with fire and oil.

  28. *That* is an abomination. I don’t wanna imagine what their arteries looked like after eating all that!

  29. Ah the good old days. I remember a legendary barbecue where we had about 4 kilos of meat per person, and we laughed at the neighbors because they also had vegetables at their barbecue.
    After eating, all of us had to lie still on the floor for 15 minutes before we were able to go out to the town.

  30. Hey,

    I am pretty sure I once dated “her” in college!!! I recognize her pocine build…or maybe that was just the John Daniels, we were on intimate terms back in college, and, well far beyond!! :)

    I do remember she din’t taste like fish, just meaty goodness!

  31. Moooohooohaha!!! Totally love it! I’ve made something similar, without the pig. Another girl started the project, but hysterically, she had no idea that you needed to debone the animals. She actually tried to stuff the frozen birds inside each other whole. Then I got nominated to take over the butchery because my dad’s a funeral director. Which apparently makes me an expert at hacking bodies apart and stitching them back together….

  32. Due to the #1 Truck Gene Boy having a food sensitivity to turkey, I’m actually not wanting to make it, or go vegetarian. (Not sure I could manage the latter, frankly.)

    So we’ll have bacon’s close cousin. Ham.

  33. Surely that calorie count is a joke. (Or for the whole shebang, not just a serving?) You can’t eat that many calories at once and live to tell the tale!!

    Er… can you?

    Aiyaah, I’m gonna go buy some bananas now…

  34. @PoppaJ
    Now that is an outdated stereotype. The modern stereotype is deep fried everything, from deep fried eggs to deep fried cadbury’s creme eggs.

    We even deep fry pizzas (in batter), and yeah, we do do deep fried haggis.

  35. I’m going on a diet. Right now. It probably won’t be difficult, since I don’t think i ever want to eat again after watching that…

  36. Aurian, inspired by your post, I draped bacon over my turkey this year when I cooked it. I probably wouldn’t have come up with that on my own. The turkey–particularly the breast–came a way with a nice maple smokey flavor, and the whole thing was a hit. Thanks for the idea!


    Wow. I’d have only one question tearing into this:

    Where do you even START?!?!?

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