Here, Have a Jonathan Coulton Video

I KNOW HIM. We’re, like, buds. I once saved him from choking on a whole lobster claw. At Red Lobster. So there’s irony there. Yeah.

I’m lying, by the way. Not about knowing him. But about saving him from choking. Yeah, he’s dead now. He died in a Red Lobster. Last Tuesday.

Oh, for heaven’s sake. Stop looking at me like that. I’m lying again. He didn’t die at a Red Lobster! It was a Ruby Tuesday’s. On Tuesday.

Jesus. I’m kidding, people. He’s not dead. He’s just in a coma. At Ruby Tuesday. Where he lies encased in a large styrofoam take-home box, surrounded by cheddar fries. Awaiting only the kiss of a major label A&R man to bring him back to life.

What a sweet day that will be. For all of us. But especially for Jonathan Coulton. Until then, sleep well, you prince of nerd rock, you king of geeks.

(Also, Happy Birthday, Jonathan (yesterday). I don’t doubt it was the best Birthday in a Coma ever!)

(Also, you should write a song called “Birthday in a Coma.” After you get out of your coma, that is. Because if you write it while you’re in your coma, well. That won’t do any of us any good, now, will it.)

(Also, folks, he’s not really in a coma. He’s just refusing to move until there’s justice. Or until the waitress comes with his check. Seriously, what the hell is up with the waitress? We’ve been waiting here since Tuesday. Next time, we’re going to Red Lobster.)

35 Comments on “Here, Have a Jonathan Coulton Video”

  1. Oh, that was fun. Must buy that song.

    Before I die, I want to see a JoCo/Weird Al collaboration.

  2. That was great. Loved all the little design quirks. A catchy tune that I will probably be humming all day! Why do I suddenly have this urge to go to Red Lobster? Hmmm

  3. Great…and JC shares a birthday with my mom! Hey, maybe he could write a soundtrack for your next novel.

  4. Ah! I dig Jonathan’s music, I miss the hell out of Red Lobster. But now all I can think of is Good By Ruby Tuesday by the Rolling Stones. I’m gonna have it stuck there all day now, Thanks John!
    I am officially sending you an on-line rasberry…yeah…enjoy tipping your waiter.

  5. I’m still waiting for him to write Bus Plunge, as promised at a Minneapolis show last year.

  6. By the way, I have no financial interest in The Austin Lounge Lizards, but any group that writes a song named “Jesus Loves Me, But He Can’t Stand You” is worth my $15 for a CD or two….

  7. ok… sorry about that… any suggestions on a “proper ” way to disseminate that kind of info? I obviously don’t have any “web presence” (yet) that allows me to bring any significant attention to these kind of “earth shattering” announcements…

    on re-reading that, it really makes me seem clueless… DUH!

  8. Man, that’s such a great video that A&R man should license it instead of making their own.

    Although I was under the impression that A&R men had come knocking and Coulton had turned them down to keep control of his own stuff. I would be very surprised if they had just not noticed.

  9. Wonderful video!

    And your commentary? Weirdest collection of words strung together I’ve seen in a while. You are truly a master of oddness. I salute you!

  10. Jarrett@19:

    No kidding, great job. It’s obvious what an unbelievable amount of work went into this, especially for a labor of love. Standing ovation.

  11. Kaitlin @10 wrote: I’m still waiting for him to write Bus Plunge, as promised at a Minneapolis show last year.

    Surely he meant “re-write”? Unless I’m mistaken, The Bobs have already written that ditty.

  12. Then he’s Twittering from beyond the grave!!! But he isn’t paying attention. Or something. Could be the whole being dead thing.

  13. We love Jonathan Coulter here. There’s even a video of my kids singing re: your brains on Youtube. (Complete with my middle child doing sign.) That song is great. :D

  14. What are you talking about? Jonathan Coulton isn’t in a coma and he’s… Still Alive! *cue crickets*

    Seriously though, that was definitely some stream of consciousness writing there, John. Cough or allergy medicine involved in any way? Did you throw your back out and get some pain meds?

  15. First time I’ve knowingly been subjected to Jonathan Coulton, and I must say the experience couldn’t have been more buckets of awesome. Yes, the buckets poured pure awesome right into my eyes and ears, and I giggled with glee.

    I lied about the giggling part. I was too busy choking on a lobster claw.

  16. Great song, thank you for sharing, John!
    @evolvedape Damn, wanted to do the same pun – Johnathan Coulton is still alive!
    Also my very first Johnathan Coulton exposure apart from Portal (which I love and I can´t wait for Portal 2!!).

  17. Am I the only one who started singing, “Birthday in a coma, I know it’s really serious,” to the tune of The Smiths’ “Girlfriend in a Coma?”

  18. That was just plain fun. The video was incredibly well done, but the song itself is just hilarious. This is one song I won’t mind having stuck in my head all day.

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