Gaaaah, I Can’t Choose The Haiku Contest Finalists Because There Are Too Many Good Ones, So Here’s Just The Winner

It’s from E.J., who wrote, in the haiku of his demise:

I did always hope
My last moments would be spent
Somewhat coherent.

That’s a laser reference, there. And a very good one.

And with that, Lieutenant Merkel is now Lieutenant Fischer. Additionally, E.J. will get an acknowledgment in the book, and a signed copy when it comes out. And a pony! Well, no, not a pony. At least, not from me. Sorry. But thanks, E.J., for such a morbidly amusing haiku, and congratulations.

As for the finalists: Gaaaaaah, so many good ones. I was paralyzed by choice! I hate it when that happens. Yes, I know. I suck. We’ll just have to have another contest at some point.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

49 replies on “Gaaaah, I Can’t Choose The Haiku Contest Finalists Because There Are Too Many Good Ones, So Here’s Just The Winner”

Coherence is one of the special properties of laser light. In the laser context it refers to all the waves being of the same length and phase. (I’m sure it’s not about being less-intelligent, just less familiar with physic terms.)

A very worthy winner. And a really fun competition with a great prize. I look forward to reading about the exploits of Lieutenant Fischer! You should run something like this again John.

I must be stupid because I don’t get the laser reference…I followed the rules and added the stuff that was suggested…If I had know we could write anything then put at the bottom that there is a reference there to something I would have gone in a completely different direction.

You chose wisely…

I’d still love you to highlight some of your other faves though, even if you don’t name characters or animals or ships after them.

Congratulations Lt Fischer.

@23 Karen – Sour grapes, much?

Fischer’s entry followed the rules and was much more clever in it’s subtleness than the many folks that tried to jam too many references in their entries. And, most importantly, it was the one that Scalzi liked the most. If Scalzi had chosen something that didn’t follow his specified rules, or chosen three winners or zero winners, that would have been his perogative. His site, his book, his decision.

The best part is, since he said that there were too many good ones to name finalists, I can hold out hope that, if with wasn’t for the tech-nerd excellence of Fischer’s Haiku, I might have won! :)

Because really, Fischer’s is just too awesome. He EARNED his death, dangit! (I hope it’s by Laser! :) )

Not even being a finalist has me feeling about average. Which calls to mind this ku by Issa as translated by Robert Hass:

New Year’s morning–
everything is in blossom!
I feel about average.

Except it’s not new years yet and this morning was so much colder than yesterday that I saw the Chicago river exhaling. Will it breathe again this winter?

Consider if you will:
    The Canonical Bacon Page contains about 375 bacon-related posts collected over a span of 2.38 years, from an early posting in mid-September 2008 to the latest which appeared this Monday.

    Imagine that for every comment in the CBP contribution, there exist two haiku, each independently composed and submitted— to you…
    — all in just 104 hours, give or take a few.

    Now stop imagining and get back to those selections! When you’ve finished that, you’ll want to update your “Perspective” motivational poster caption to read as shown below:

    Awards?  Success?  Fame?  Perhaps one day they will be yours.
    But the fact is, nothing you'll ever do will be more popular
         than that online picture of bacon taped to a cat --
              except for judging another haiku contest.           

Because haiku is twice as popular as bacon. Do the math if you aren’t convinced:

        750 : 375    ::    _?_  :  1

I could KICK myself so hard for not pirati^Wplagerisi^Wcribbing
from this until well after your contest ended. Since the trend
in this thread suggests that you (personally) can never have enough haiku,
here you go:

TO:      the sea monkeys
            – JoCoCruiseCrazy

@27 Deirdre: my thoughts, exactly! (Well, I was hoping for a finalist position myself, since my last name is weird, and also @43’s reasoning. ;) …)

@41 That sounds good to me! Heck, pick 30! …Just, y’know, don’t make us read them all. That would hurt.

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