Behold the Spectrum of Male Pattern Baldness

I think the picture speaks for itself, don’t you?

(Pictured, from left: Saladin Ahmed, Al Bogdan, Dave Klecha, me, Jim C. Hines and Howard Tayler. And all our hair follicles or lack thereof. At Penguicon.)

40 Comments on “Behold the Spectrum of Male Pattern Baldness”

  1. Far more distressing for us 50+ white males is the untreatable “male pattern ass loss,” that renders blue jeans essentially unwearable in the golden years. Where is the Federal funding that this disorder so richly deserves?

  2. Chip n Dale Material , Coming At You! If I could wolf whistle via internet here I would.

  3. Don @ #2, the bicycle is the answer to your problem. Start now.

    Don’t believe me? Take a look at the rear view of the next bunch of serious bicyclists you see.

  4. The lobby of the Troy Marriott looks a lot different since the last time I was there. Which was in 1992–my senior prom was held there. I feel old now.

  5. The Royal Wedding was a fairly awesome display of British Male Pattern Baldness and my wife was happy to point out that I continued the proud tradition of Brits with lousy hair (I would be between our host and Hines in that picture. Give me a couple of years).

    She also claimed that I looked like William, which I think was supposed to be a compliment.

  6. #2: I wish I had your “problem”! The Maternal Unit loves to cackle and point out that she “has no ass”, while mine is “huge”. The latter may, alas, be correct, but the former statement certainly is not–I had to get that “huge” ass from somewhere!


  7. Did Ghlaghghee take that photo? Because I’d love to see the n-dimensional contortions Chang = !Chang would go through if she did.

  8. And I saw this only minutes after a family discussion of blood types and I said mine was AB-positive and my youngest son (AKA The Smartass) said, “What does the B stand for, Bald?”

  9. I’m not convinced about Dave without seeing past photos, he seems to have lots on the top and not much on the sides. Which is actually female-pattern baldness.

  10. I also noticed the transition from broad grins at the hairy end, to progressively more restrained at the smooth end. Howard Taylor looks positively haunted.

  11. I’m not sure if being bald would be preferable to the fact that at age 37 my hair is starting to move beyond gray and heading firmly towards white.

  12. Heavens to murgatroid, man, you have lost so much weight. eat a donut, for gods sakes.

  13. Age 66, still have most of my hair (and most of it is brown, not gray) and enough rear padding to fit pants well.

    Just saying’ braggin’ a little.

  14. Well, I’m 52, great hair and lots of it, my ass is vanishing faster than the ice caps , and I am a Brit. So 1 out of 3. Could be worse.

  15. I don’t want to read anyone’s complaints on graying hair! Mine started turning when I was 12! Thanks, Mom.

  16. Not gray. White. If I grew a beard I’d look like a young freaking Santa!

    Gray I could live with.

  17. John took his new toy to Penguicon. Please post the “photo-bombed by Chewbacca”. It was was pretty cool.

  18. Oh my, I and my pasty legs are in the background! My moment of fame has finally arrived…not quite as I’d imagined, though.

  19. Howard Tayler, Dan Wells, and Brandon Sanderson have one of the best writing websites in the world, writingexcuses. Go Sanderson . . . .!!!

  20. Writing Excuses is taping several episodes of it’s podcast (a very very cool podcast) today at Penguicon from Noon to 2:00. I wish I could be there today but work needs me, and I need the money.

  21. I was at Penguicon this weekend as well and had a blast. I’m pretty sure I saw you there, but you were with a large group of people up at the bar and eating dinner and didn’t want to bother you. Although if I had known you were coming I would have brought books to be signed. I am not to proud to bribe you either. I gave Brandon some Magic the Gathering booster packs that he enjoyed. =)

  22. Isn’t this the point where we’re supposed to say “You look just like Howard Tayler, only sexier”? I seem to remember reading that somewhere….

  23. You know, maybe if you stood in for Neil Gaiman rather than Charlie Stross, you’d have a better chance of growing hair.

    Or is that the Fallacy of The Follicle?

  24. Natalie @#9 – they just remodeled it this year – started around January, finished up recently. I like the new layout much better.

  25. Kvon @#15 As it happens, I posted some about my hair on my blog today. Long story short, I think my position in the spectrum is essentially misleading–I’m no more going bald than Saladin Ahmed is. But I do have less hair than Saladin and Al, whether by choice or otherwise.

    I will also note that the right (and balder) side of the picture is significantly more successful, in terms of books published and whatnot, than the left (more hirsute) side. However, with a Campbell nominee holding down the far left side, and he with a fantasy trilogy coming soon from DAW, the hairier side should start to tip the balance back soon.

  26. The guy on the left looks like he’s thinking

    “Hair – so easy, a caveman can do it.”

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