My Dear People of Seattle: The Quickening
Posted on May 17, 2011 Posted by John Scalzi 45 Comments
You know how I said that because you have to pay $5 for the tickets to attend my author event tonight (or, if you buy your copy of Fuzzy Nation from the University Book store, you get the tickets thrown in free), that I would make it up to you by doing something special for you that only you would get?
I kind of lied.
You won’t get one special thing, only for you.
It’s possible there will be more. Oh, yes. SO MUCH MORE.
BWA HA HA HA HA HAH HA HA HA.
And that’s not including my interpretive dance tribute to the 90s grunge scene. You get that for free.
What will it all be? You just have to show up to find out.
Tonight! 7:30! University of Washington Campus, Kane Hall, Room 110! Buy your tickets and/or your copy of Fuzzy Nation at the University Bookstore! It’s not too late! I’ve now exceeded my monthly quota of exclamation points! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND CLEAN JUST COME TO THE THING WHY DON’T YOU.
And now, a special note to the people of Portland:
Dudes. You were awesome. I am full of love. And Voodoo donuts. Thank you for coming out.
We can’t get you a double-double, but we do have Red Mill Burgers. You should find your way to one and order a Red Onion Jam.
If traffic holds me up from getting to Kane Hall tonight, I’m getting out my lasers, and cutting my way up I5 to campus.
Be seeing you this evening, you crazy crazy man. We also have Dick’s burgers just on the other side of the freeway from the university. Let me know if I can snag you a Deluxe.
Red Mill, Blue Moon, FIVE GUYS… there’s a bazillion places to get a good burger in this town. And, Scalzi, getting me hooked on Five Guys is YOUR FAULT, mentioning it in that short story…
(Closest 5 Guys to UW is Northgate, it’s under the IMAX theatre across 103rd St from the mall proper. Easy bus access (66/67). Helping… :)
I think I understand the attraction – I saw a Voodoo Donut that had bacon on it…
Hmmm… based upon the title of this post I’m going to assume that the surprise will involve an epic sword battle where you finish by decapitating your opponent and then get struck by magic lightening while you absorb your slain foes power and skill.
Somebody bring a camera and post it on Youtube.
I’m expecting John to read an excerpt in his best Sean Connery voice.
Got the book, got the ticket, got the anticipation going overboard. I work about 2 miles from Kane Hall, it’ll be a long day but I think the Squee factor will keep me going.
An added treat will be to finally meet some of the local Whateverians (Whateverites?) at this shindig.
Good times, man, good times.
You know that you’re only encouraging them? I grew up with Pacific Northwesterers…They rise (like Salmon) to challenges. To all you wonderful crazies out there, know that we are getting VERY Seattlite weather out here…I am in co-charge of the filk room at MARCON in Columbus next weekend on Saturday and plan an inflicted sing of “Washington my Home” with Brenda Sutton (who grew up on Whidbey Island) And maybe we’ll follow up with the theme to “Here Come the Brides”
And I will take with me to the con my reading copy of “Fuzzy Nation” fresh from “Jay and Mary’s Book store…”
Burgers, schmurgers. Two words: Archie McPhee’s. For ALL your bacon-related needs.
Looking forward to it, sir. I have no doubt you will bring Teh Awesome (provided TSA let you through with it).
I just ate a bowl of stew at an Irish pub in South Lake Union and thought of you; see you in a few hours and I hope the dancing will be audience participation.
on second though, screw the burgers AND the bacon. If bringing Scalzi to town is what appeases the Sun God and makes Him shine, you will never leave!
#12..wait…are you saying that it won’t stop raining in Ohio until the Scalzi returns????? Common guys..we need to get these fields planted so you can have soy burgers!!!!!
Wah, no fair. You’re in Seattle and I’m not!
Screw the Dick’s burgers; they’re vile. Red Mill or Kidd Valley. For the best pub fries, Paddy Coyne’s.
And Archie McPhee’s is a MUST. You do not yet realise that your life has actually been incomplete up to now.
Scalzi lands. Sun comes out. For the first time in weeks. Apologies to the rest of the tour stops, but we’re keeping him.
Damn, now I’m REALLY glad I’ll be there! Also, if this sucks, I’ll never forgive you.
Is it Wheaton? I see that he’s in Vancouver, which is just a hop skip and a jump from Seattle. Hmmmmm? Should I bring Just a Geek with me, just in case?
Did you try Little Big Burger? Please tell me you tried Little Big Burger while you were in Portland…
What kind of donuts did you get? Bacon Maple Bar.. perchance?
Anyway, we loved having you here, Mr. Scalzi. If I didn’t have grad school to attend to, I would have stayed up much later reading Fuzzy Nation. Excellent work there, dude.
Well, I added this reading to The Sunbreak’s events calendar. That’s all I can do for you, guy. Good luck!
The few, the proud, the Whateverines.
I should add that you are up against Mary Doria Russell, who is in town promoting Doc. The Sparrow was hugely popular in Seattle; who knows how much of that affection will transfer to a Western. In any case, she’s not the worst competition out there, right?
@dave H…. whateverloonies…
Weeping bitter salty tears as I contemplate the event from Manchester, England…
1) If you were traveling on a tour of burger joints, you’d go to Zippy’s Giant Burgers, but they’re moving and are thusly closed (STILL). Red Mill (yummy), Dicks(yummy), Blue Moon, BuiltBurger, UneedaBurger, dittodittoditto.
2) ANY Seattle visit must include SEAFOOD, not the Red Lobster kind you’re used to, but the kind found at Ray’s Boathouse, Elliot’s or Anthony’s HomePort. MUST.
3)The delight of Voodoo Donuts is met here by Top Pot, Mighty-O or Frost Doughnuts, but may I instead suggest the joy of Fremont’s Pie instead? http://sweetandsavorypie.com/
I mean C’MON!!! HAND PIES!!
4) ANYTHING with the name Tom Douglas and you win (Dahlia Lounge, Lola, Serious Pie, Cuoco, Brave Horse, SeaTown).
Seattle dining is much more than burgers, scrumptious juicy burgers.
See you tonight.
Any other gastronomic
Any other gastronomics information anytime you need it….;)
It was a pleasure to have you here!
I told Reasonable Aimee that she failed in giving the secret SFWA salute… of course, I don’t know the S SFWA S, so I may have failed to recognize it.
It was my pleasure to do Portland proud and make sure that the [REDACTED] was correctly named.
Her Fluffiness told me on Twitter that you did not bring her on tour. (I think her exact words were she’d rather clean a dog with her tongue than go on tour with the Tormentor.) So that still leaves you producing Wil Wheaton from a pocket universe.
Red Mill is great–it does have the STACK OF BACON that was featured on Man Vs. Food, but I still prefer Teddy’s Spud burger with grilled pineapple. (Woodinville, possibly other locations.)
Mike is right–anything with Tom Douglas in the name is pretty much golden, although Serious Pie and Dahlia are my favs. I also recommend Icon Grill (5th and Virginia-ish) for their Qbert mountain stack of fried macaroni which you can dip in a bacon and queso sauce.
I also recommend Olivar and Poppy in Capitol Hill. Olivar is tapas with French Basque flair, and Poppy is owned by Jerry Trauenfeld, the previous exec chef of The Herb Farm–only waaaaay less expensive. You get nine little dishes on a tray called a thali….so delish.
Silly Seattleites. The sun was out yesterday for like half the day. You can’t say “the sun hasn’t been out for weeks”. Back East where I came from Spring means rain. And Winter means hard snow. Silly silly Seattleites. Plus, your rain is only piddly rain. Not even hard rain. In all, I’ve been here since January and the weather’s been GREAT. Average of 45 EVERY DAY! No freezing. No ice or snow. No blizzards. And the sun does come out, just not for all 12 hours. Whatev.
Anyway, I’ll be the big tall guy there tonight. You can direct your weather complaints to me. And I will do my best “Damn kids, when I was back East…” shtick.
(You’d better not follow up on all these eatery recommendations, or all those pounds you lost will be back, with friends!)
If there is no interpretive dance I may have to do something cruel and violent… perhaps a strongly worded letter. There is not enough interpretive dance in the world.
Also, have breakfast at Toulouse Petit http://toulousepetit.com/ – oh so cheap and oh so decadent ($6 breakfast during the weekday).
You should try Thai Tom while you’re in the area, it’s the most amazing hole-in-the-wall Thai place. And it’s in the U-district, so only a short way from UW. Seriously. Your taste buds will thank you.
I’m a little bit jealous of the Seattle extravaganza, whatever that may end up being… the Portland stop was a super fun time! A super fun time + surprises…? *le sigh*
Aren’t they going to be surprised when the Fuzzy Nation reading and signing is replaced by a 24 hour marathon continuous-loop screening of Highlander 2 on VHS?
We need pictures of you and the Maple/Bacon doughnut or it didn’t happen. That said, kinda of wish I lived in Seattle at least for today.
OMG! I got it!!! You’re going to re-stage orcScalzi and clown-sweaterWheaton!!!
Interpretive Dance? Hey, Los Angeles didn’t get an interpretive dance!
You should have Top Pot doughnuts (http://www.toppotdoughnuts.com/) when you’re in Seattle. Bummer you couldn’t have shown up there six months ago…. I would have been able to bring you some myself.
An awesome evening. Particularly liked special things 1, 2 AND 3. Or was that 4? I lost count.
Thanks for coming to Seattle!
It was lovely to see you. :-)
Great to see you, sir. Hearing what you’re a fanboy of (that was my question) only goes to show more why I’m a fan of yours. Thanks for the surprises and the stories. Have a safe trip home (eventually).
I am bummed that the interpretive dance lasted two seconds and was limited to flailing at the microphone. But the surprise appearance of Mary Robinette Kowal and the playing of the ukelele by (Maggie? Molly? I’m sorry, I forgot her name) was appreciated. :) And the OTHER SPECIAL THING. (Husband mentioned that thing SEVERAL times on the way home.)
This was one awesome, awesome signing. Hilarious, insightful, entertaining. Although far less discussion of burgers than I would have expected given this thread. (I’m a Blue Moon fan, myself. Though not at all an unbiased one.)
i got my cheddar bacon flavored popcorn at “Not A Number cards and gifts” in wallingford center. Bacon Pop(corn) from the makers of bacon salt
Thanks John for a great show in Portland. The super secret reading has me tingling with anticipation and I almost managed a coherent sentence while you were signing my Fuzzy Nation.