Various and Sundry, 6/2/11
I’ve spent the last couple of days catching up with the world, so here are a couple of quick thoughts on what I see going on in it:
My answer: Dude, like I care. I live in Ohio but I was born in California. That thing where Ohioans bleed scarlet and gray? I don’t have it. Also, as both a geek and a graduate of a Division III school, college football is waaaaay down on my list of things to care about, somewhere between competitive badger grooming and yogurt farming. So, with the exception of seeing neighbors rend their garments in grief, this one doesn’t affect me at all.
That said, I’m not sure Michigan fans should be entirely gleeful; yes, your hated nemesis Tressel is now gone, but your team is still fairly crappy and (more importantly) hasn’t won against Ohio since 2003. I mean, hell. I could coach the Buckeyes and they’d still beat you, and Ohio State would rather have a chicken randomly pecking out plays on a board than me as coach. This isn’t an “Ohio picking on Michigan” thing, since I rather like Michigan as a state, have many friends there, and really don’t care about the rivalries between the two states. I’m just telling you that I’ll believe that Michigan can beat Ohio State when I see it.
* Anthony Weiner’s Woodie: New York representative Anthony Weiner claims someone hacked into his Twitter account and tweeted a picture of his underwear-clad johnson to some young lady whom both he and the lady in question contend he does not know. This is all fine, except for the little detail where Weiner maintains that he cannot be sure the picture is not, in fact, of his erect wang in his shorts. And this is where I rather horrifyingly find myself to some extent in agreement with Fox News: Really? You don’t know your own dick? Because at the risk of oversharing, I’m pretty sure I could ID my own John Thomas out of a lineup, as can just about every other male (their own, that is, not mine. I don’t get around that much).
This response also implies that Rep. Weiner does, in fact, take pictures of his chubby from time to time, which is both more than I need to know and, of course, just spectacularly ill-advised. Can’t someone please put a “Things Not to Do Online” info sheet into the Congressional Orientation Packet? It can include a) IMing congressional pages, b) Trolling Craigslist for girlfriends, c) Taking digital pictures of your trouser snake, clad or otherwise. Among other things.
* One place I will not be this weekend, alas: The University of Chicago, at which a number of friends of mine will be for our college class’ 20th reunion. I won’t be there because, as you may recall, I just got back from a long tour. The idea of heading out somewhere again for three days is just a little much at the moment, I’m afraid. This makes me sad, because I would have loved to see people and to catch up with them about what was going on with their lives. But then I would have been a shambling zombie and no one would have wanted to be anywhere near me. So I suppose it all evens out. And anyway, now there’s Facebook, so none of us ever have to be apart ever again.
* And in fact I am recovering from the tour. My body has come down from tour mode, which means at the moment I am a little sick and a lot tired. I’ve been sleeping eight to ten hours a day since I got home, which for me is a fair bit, and otherwise wandering about going “duuuuuuuuh” here at home. All of this is entirely expected, mind you. I’ve given myself a week to wonder about the house aimlessly and bump into the walls. But being dazed for several days on end eventually gets a little old. I’m giving myself a couple of more days of it and then I have to just get my crap together again. I have actual work I need to do soon. Annoying, yes. But there it is.