Introducing the League of Jaunty Hats
Posted on July 7, 2011 Posted by John Scalzi 34 Comments
Surely you did not believe that I was the only one at Clarion with a jaunty hat, did you? As you can see, any such assumption would be wildly, wildly false. And off we go, to fight literary crimes, with me as the Professor X, as it were, of this motley crew of pensters. Oh, the adventures we shall have!
So, yeah, this is my life at Clarion. Hats, ukuleles and literature. I may be having too much fun.
(Pictured: Tim, Andy, Me, British Jim. Feel free to make up hat-related superhero names for the lot of us in the comments.)
I don’t have a good superhero name for any of y’all, though I will point out that your hat, in particular, makes me wonder why you aren’t wearing khaki to go with it. And that Andy looks like a Pacific Northwesterner. Am I right? Is he wearing socks and Birkenstocks?
“May”??
No black hats. Hmmm….
Love the Fruit Fucker shirt, John!
I’m thinking “League of Extraordinarily Jaunty Hatted Gentlemen” here. Or the Jaunty Hatpunk Squad. Or The Brothers Karahatsov.
Hey, I used “hatpunk” in a sentence in public. Do I get credit for naming the genre?
The Jaunty Justice League…
I second #5 on the Jaunty Hatpunk Squad.
:-)
Shouldn’t you be Professor S?
Also, I’m thinking that Doctor Illwind is the nemesis of Professor S and the League of Jaunty Hats.
Curse you Illwind!
in no particular order…
The Plumber, Belch, Mumbles, JanitorMan
Powerteam, assemble!!!
Hmm.. You might want to suggest to the gentleman wearing the red shirt to change it, because if you guys are going off on some “adventures” you know what ALWAYS happens to the person wearing the red shirt..
I’m just sayin!!
Jim shall be known as Ballard’s son.
Although really we know he’s Boris Johnson’s good twin.
WHAT IS AIR. I CAN’T BREATHE.
I love Clarion so very, very much.
When I grow up (though it isn’t that far away) I hope to be just like you.
You make aspiring sci-fi/fantasy writers such as myself excited at the prospect of being a professional nerd!!
The League exhibits what my wife calls “chapeau panache,” for sure.
As far as superhero names go, “British Jim” sets a pretty fine standard. I would add Italian John and, oh, I don’t know … Latvian Andy and Tim the Walloon?
Jeff, for true ‘panache’ you need feathers in those hats. (See ‘Cyrano de Bergerac’.)
Your superhero names are, from left to right:
Two Tone Topper, The Crimson Revenger, Sergeant Schadenfreude, and The Upper Class Wit.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Jaunty Hat League.
Sgt. Two-Tone, Hairy Fedora, hhhmmm Baconman, Panama Wonder, all members of the Quill club..
missing is Miss Snapshot and Ms Batgirl… bbbhhaaahahaha.
Steve, Steve, Steve and Steve. (MST3K reference). Now get on it, Steve.
As you asked for it Mr. OMW, …
Now you are obliged to stack all those hats onto your own humble scalp’zi to get the “Mad Hatter” award 2011.
Pic or it didn’t happen! ;)
What y’all have there, gentlemen, is a hat band.
*runs away fast*
I saw someone in Sydney yesterday who looked good in a hat. Amazing but true. And it goes without saying that it wasn’t any of you guys.
I think that’s “Professor Why?”, not X.
Yeah, I don’t think “jaunty” is the right word. :b
As we speak, someone in SuperHero Local 12 is complaining to his shop steward.
# 20 Lila – I LOVE “The Hat Band”. Double smiles.
What Jeff and his wife calls “chapeau panache,” I just call “hattitude.”
Awww, man, I’ve got this awesome jaunty hat. I would have fit right in!
Presenting The Jaunties, fiction writing by day, fighting crimes(including plagiarism) at night, I give you:
‘Jacktar’ Tim, ‘Farmer ‘ Andy, John ‘Rock'(the founder of the group) and ‘Bulldog’ Jim.
Did I get it right? Does the first panel/chapter begin with a hearty bacon breakfast? Does the group receive handy tips from the mysterious person known as ‘the librarian’ ? Whatever fans -and the elusive crimefighter known only as “El Wheaton” – want to know!
“British Jim” already sounds a bit like a superhero name.
Tim’s alter ego is “Victory Lad” known for grabbing his hat with a signature “V for Victory” grip before he flings it like a discus to fell his dastardly foes. Andy is better known as “Messenger Lad” knocking wrongdoers to the ground with his bag in a manner that in no way resembles Ruth Buzzy with a handbag. Our intrepid host patrols the streets as “Panama Hack” able to cut you with his steel reinforced hat brim, or his biting wit. And British Jim? Well, his power is the awesome of his name and sneer.
Left to right: the Scoop, the Red Pencil, Professor Schaden, Blogmeister. Not shown: Editorus, Ghost Writer, Agent Orange.
Whups! Far left was supposed to be the Snoop, not the Scoop.
Curse you, John Scalzi! Now I must be in search of my *own* Jaunty Summer Hat! (not that there’s anything wrong with that…)
Heros: RPG EDITION
From left to right, I name thee:
Swoozie! Your natural charms are in excellent working order, and because of poverty during childhood you were a newsie, selling papers on the streets. Because of your dedication to your crafts, you have a +2 bonus to critical it chance and extended dialogue with female NPCs.
Strawny the Plough! All that work on the farm did you well. You start the game with pitchfork and receive an additional 5% experience from melee kills. You also have a 15% larger item carry capacity.
Piggy Pete! You never liked the whole “Right and Wrong”, and that became your strength! You provide a 20% gold bonus when selling to underworld circuits or criminals. You also can hire henchmen to assist in fights or manage patrols.
Monapoly! Born, raised and taught into aristocracy, you fled that life to one of adventure(though never forgetting what you had learned). All assets produce 10% more gold and assets are bought at a 5% discount. Allows the party to influence local governments.