Introducing the League of Jaunty Hats

Surely you did not believe that I was the only one at Clarion with a jaunty hat, did you? As you can see, any such assumption would be wildly, wildly false. And off we go, to fight literary crimes, with me as the Professor X, as it were, of this motley crew of pensters. Oh, the adventures we shall have!

So, yeah, this is my life at Clarion. Hats, ukuleles and literature. I may be having too much fun.

(Pictured: Tim, Andy, Me, British Jim. Feel free to make up hat-related superhero names for the lot of us in the comments.)

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

34 replies on “Introducing the League of Jaunty Hats”

I don’t have a good superhero name for any of y’all, though I will point out that your hat, in particular, makes me wonder why you aren’t wearing khaki to go with it. And that Andy looks like a Pacific Northwesterner. Am I right? Is he wearing socks and Birkenstocks?

Hmm.. You might want to suggest to the gentleman wearing the red shirt to change it, because if you guys are going off on some “adventures” you know what ALWAYS happens to the person wearing the red shirt..

I’m just sayin!!

Presenting The Jaunties, fiction writing by day, fighting crimes(including plagiarism) at night, I give you:

‘Jacktar’ Tim, ‘Farmer ‘ Andy, John ‘Rock'(the founder of the group) and ‘Bulldog’ Jim.
Did I get it right? Does the first panel/chapter begin with a hearty bacon breakfast? Does the group receive handy tips from the mysterious person known as ‘the librarian’ ? Whatever fans -and the elusive crimefighter known only as “El Wheaton” – want to know!

Tim’s alter ego is “Victory Lad” known for grabbing his hat with a signature “V for Victory” grip before he flings it like a discus to fell his dastardly foes. Andy is better known as “Messenger Lad” knocking wrongdoers to the ground with his bag in a manner that in no way resembles Ruth Buzzy with a handbag. Our intrepid host patrols the streets as “Panama Hack” able to cut you with his steel reinforced hat brim, or his biting wit. And British Jim? Well, his power is the awesome of his name and sneer.

From left to right, I name thee:
Swoozie! Your natural charms are in excellent working order, and because of poverty during childhood you were a newsie, selling papers on the streets. Because of your dedication to your crafts, you have a +2 bonus to critical it chance and extended dialogue with female NPCs.
Strawny the Plough! All that work on the farm did you well. You start the game with pitchfork and receive an additional 5% experience from melee kills. You also have a 15% larger item carry capacity.
Piggy Pete! You never liked the whole “Right and Wrong”, and that became your strength! You provide a 20% gold bonus when selling to underworld circuits or criminals. You also can hire henchmen to assist in fights or manage patrols.
Monapoly! Born, raised and taught into aristocracy, you fled that life to one of adventure(though never forgetting what you had learned). All assets produce 10% more gold and assets are bought at a 5% discount. Allows the party to influence local governments.

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