A Week of Silly Polls #4 & #5: Deadline Day!

A doubleheader for deadline day!

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Now, don’t bother me. I’m WORKING.


By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

53 replies on “A Week of Silly Polls #4 & #5: Deadline Day!”

I went with the “did you check your spam filter?” response, because it’s the one I actually get most often from authors. Sometimes, it’s even true. Pro tip, though: “FedEx must have lost it” only buys you about an hour, tops, for me to locate the tracking number and discover that you never sent it, so I suggest avoiding that one.

He is in the basement, turbocharging the Clone-O-Matic(tm) to produce a dozen Scalzi clones before lunch. That way each can whip out two chapters by 4, and voila! A 24 chapter novel!

What could possibly go wrong?

(Besides the fact that he forgot to vacuum all of the pet hair out of the input hopper, I mean.)

carmen webster buxton @ 13:
Generally speaking, almost any problem can be blamed on MS Word.

Better yet, blame it on MS Word’s DRM software that ate the manuscript. That way you also remind the editor that all DRM is TEH EVULZ!

#3: You must not live in the South (US). Down here, taskmasters don’t “eat crumpets and drink tea”, they eat pork rinds and DRINK BEER! At least, that’s what my FIL (and husband) keeps telling me.


One morning, when John Scalzi woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. He lay on his armour-like back, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his brown belly, slightly domed and divided by arches into stiff sections. The bedding was hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His many legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him, waved about helplessly as he looked.

This made it very difficult to type.

Chapter One I hadn’t really yet begun
Chapter Two I better think this story through
You said you’d fire me in the middle of Chapter Three
But the cats were up to their old tricks in Chapters Four, Five and Six.

The answer to Poll 4 (What’s he doing RIGHT NOW?) is “all of the above, simultaneously”. He’s got mad multitasking skilz, but unfortunately only for non-work-related stuff…

I say it’s the top *six* answers, all at once. And, Jennifer @17: Depends on the Southroner. Some do pork rinds and beer. Others do Coke and Krispy Kremes. Speaking of which, I better go fetch one before they’re gone…..

Editorial excuse:

“By the time you receive this email, my hostile takeover of the publishing company will be complete. Note that your position in the new regime may depend on your reply to this message.”

A thought: “Large talking badgers from another dimension appeared in his closet and begged him to save their world” sounds like a plot.

Not a plot of “goes, saves”, but of “appear, beg, bargain, deal, case of Large badgers v. John Scalzi goes up to the Supreme Court”, of course.

So my guess is that that fic has hijacked the plot 100 pages in, and that’s the answer to both #1 and #2.

Given what you’ve said over the years about the importance of organization, focus, persistence, and commitment for a successful writer, I suspect the answer REALLY is “Sitting here smugly.” Though “Catheterizing himself” does take the Gross Prize on many many levels… *shudder* In the end, I went with the ukelele because it could be either frantic procastination or gloating celebration of completion.

He’s out taking cool pictures of the burning house. (Ooo, and there’ll be KITTEN pictures!) (The car barfing up pea soup, not so much…)

He is obviously fighting an invasion of Vampire Wombats, (sound effect: Duh duh duhh!) And we mean the evil intergalctic ones, not the wimpy sparkly hollywood ones.
Fight them John, fight them all!
I’ll be behind this rock cheering for you.

Hopefully, John’s taking a minute out this weekend to call his Congresscritter Boehner, to tell him that he sees no reason the US should talk itself into a financial crisis, and to figure out some way to negotiate with the president. I mean, sheesh. I’ve got a paleoconservative rockhead for a representative, and I’m still able to get through and pester him, and I’m nobody. Come on, John, it’s 30 seconds. Do it in the bathroom or something.

See, timing is everything; I chose the “sitting here smugly …” option, secure in the knowledge that a man who could learn an Elvis Costello song on his instrument of choice could not possibly have his attention compromised by something as mundane as a deadline.

Sitting here smugly because hell that’s what I would do. Badgers because Brian Jacques thought they were awesome and they were my choice to take over the world if they had opposable thumbs

Quantum poll inductive theory predicts for #4 that at the instant in question, you will have been relaxing a finger/toe/eyebrow/vocal cord, thus completing the very keystroke/mouse button/input event which (in your environment) caused ths article – in this case, a silly poll – to be posted to your ‘blog.
I’m not sure if the world is ready for the answer to #5: Were it not for lbhe gvzryl vagreiragvba naq fhcreuhzna cvybgvat fxvyyf qhevat FGF-135’f svany ngzbfcurevp qrfprag, naq bhgyvavat gb gur uvturfg ryrpgrq yrnqre bs bhe angvba gur fgrcf ol juvpu vgf bireqhr rpbabzvp erpbirel pna or npuvrirq orsber PL2012 &uryyvc; well, a lot more than your MS would now be “late’.

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