Lopsided Cat Establishes His Dominance

Look, it’s not like he has anything against the lamp. But the lamp was where he wanted to nap. The lamp had to go.

38 Comments on “Lopsided Cat Establishes His Dominance”

  1. How like a cat. When our younger cat, Starbuck, gets bored, she jumps up on tables, desks, or dressers and lazily bats whatever she finds off onto the floor just to watch it fall.

  2. Through careful study of feline behavior over the past 25 or so years, I can state with confidence that cats recognize 5 states of matter:

    1) Things that they can eat
    2) Things they can sleep on
    3) Things that will pet them
    4) Things that are on the floor
    5) Things that could be on the floor

    Note that they are not mutually exclusive states. I, for instance, am a member of classes two and three, and the way my fur ball looks at me some mornings, possibly one.

    Lopsided Cat simply helped the lap transition from state 5 to state 4.

  3. Animals are weird. For some reason, one or more of our three dogs has/ve taken to building a dog fort in the living room, when we’re out at work. When we got home last night, the large Costco pack of paper towels had been dragged out of laundry room onto dog rug in living room, daughter’s D&D back pack was also there, emptied out, and they’d also grabbed a bathmat and thrown it into the mix. If they weren’t all fixed, I’d say that one of them was building a spot to have puppies.

  4. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me

    I like that guys style. I plan to do the same thing to the dining room table tomorrow after Thanksgiving dinner.

  5. Joe – author of science fiction and fantasy novels, creator of worlds, destroyer of said worlds, squisher of bugs, remover of clogs, and father of one

    Holy moly, I have that same night stand! I have the same night stand as John Scalzi! This means something! I must use exclamation points!

  6. If cat’s didn’t feel the need to sleep 20 hours a day, they wouldn’t need so many different places to do it. But then on the other hand, do we really want cats awake and alert even half the day? Would we be safe?

  7. I often wonder why the choose to sleep the places they do. A hard table, vs dozens and dozens of soft cushy places. I conclude that they get satisfaction from a certain level of discomfort, especially if it coincides with any annoyance to the other inhabitants of the household.

  8. kittent – just another Secret Mistress of the Universe...shared pain is lessened shared joy is increased; thus do we refute entropy.

    At least he didn’t direct it at your head…Bitty kitty, minion of satan used that move in place of an alarm clock when she wanted food.

  9. @Gilmoure. We call it dog engineering. Ours have a supply of cheap plush pillows with which they periodically build a petting toll booth between the living room and dining room.

  10. Dave Branson@1: Our girl cat, Lucy does this. Not as much as she did as a kitten but she will still knock over glasses of water or anything that looks breakable. Sometimes, she’ll make sure we’re looking first.

  11. Our most memorable feline redecorating moment came years ago at about three in the morning, when the cat knocked over the Christmas tree. That was, of course, the year the tree was adorned largely with handmade decorations, including gingerbread men and strings of popcorn and cranberries. It was awhile before it occurred to us that the cat probably had been chasing a mouse that was snacking on the decorations.

  12. Ours are most fond of boxes – any boxes. It’s one of the funniest things going watching our 20 lb tom trying to fit himself into a shoe box. When we get large boxes, the cats look at it like the postman just brought the holy grail right to their front door.

  13. christy: mine love boxes of styrofoam peanuts. They get in and gradually subside until they look like they’re taking a bubble bath.

  14. Shawn – Ohio, USA – Early to bed, early or whirlybird or something. Bored now, bye. Don't step on any Lego's 'cause it _Hurts_!
    Shawn T

    Note to self: Buy lead shot and polyester resin and mix up some five pounds
    of them, put into the base of that lamp that I’m always elbowing when I use
    the curtain pull

    (My hope being that the lamp will go all Weeble and stand back up.)

  15. Dave H – I can see Canada from my house – Aging dad, electronics nerd, embedded software developer. (I'm the guy who makes your microwave blink 12:00.)
    Dave H

    I wonder if the Scalzi family keeps the house warm. My overly caloried kitty likes to sleep on wood or tile when it’s hot, and soft cushy things when it’s not. But knocking over things is always in season.

  16. @ Dave Smith:

    No, I’ve got one just like that. Because of her the alarm clock is the only thing I can keep on my nightstand and that is because the cord is tied down to the back side of the nightstand.

  17. You know all that stuff in the textbooks about human beings domesticating animals? It is my considered view that an impartial alien, surveying the facts on this particular planet, would conclude that cats have domesticated us…

  18. Cats – an endless supply of craziness. Our newest has decided that sleeping on top of the radio/iPod player in the kitchen is best. Only bad thing is that he also periodically turns on the alarm in the process.

    Happy Thanksgiving all!

  19. Leslie – Muncie, Indiana – 64 year old grandmother of five, recently remarried! I was born in Alaska before Alaska was a state.

    Oo. What books are those? Zoom. Enhance. Zoom. Enhance. There! A reflection! It looks like…a cat? What the…

  20. My cat has a habit of lying in awkward uncomfortable looking places as well. There’s a little corner on one of my windowsills where she has to lie bent double in order to fit, so obviously it’s one of her favourite places to be. Same goes for lying on the cabling for the xbox, stereo system and tv on the top of a cupboard. Or squeezing between the microwave and tv in order to lie on all the cabling there.

    Occasionally she deigns to act normally and lie on a bed, but it’s not often.

  21. The worst part was the very loud noise the lamp made when it fell. Fortunately, Lopsided Cat was able to get back to sleep afterwards.

  22. “The worst part was the very loud noise the lamp made when it fell. Fortunately, Lopsided Cat was able to get back to sleep afterwards.”

    I wish this board had a like button. I would like this about a dozen times.

  23. All of my cats have enjoyed sleeping in strange and uncomfortable-looking places. The sink is my second favourite, but the internet has shown me that that’s not so unusual. However, I’ve yet to run across another cat who liked to snuggle up in a cast iron frying pan.

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