Ask Papa Fuzzy Anything: Intro
Posted on March 26, 2012 Posted by John Scalzi 76 Comments
Tomorrow (Tuesday, March 27) sees the Mass Market Paperback release of Fuzzy Nation in the US and Canada, and to celebrate, we thought we’d do something a little different. Perhaps this short video will explain:
That’s right, ask questions of Papa Fuzzy himself! How often do you get to ask questions to an alien? Not often! And how frequently does that alien respond with anything other than a particle beam to your center mass? Even less often! So now’s your chance, folks. You ask the questions, we’ll go through them, and Papa Fuzzy will start putting up videos answering the questions starting tomorrow and going through Friday.
What questions can you ask? Anything you like. You can ask him about the book, you can ask him about what it was like to work with me, you can ask him questions you’ve always wanted to know about aliens, you can ask him for the fuzzy alien perspective on current events, you may pose existential conundrums. He’s pretty much up for anything.
Go ahead and leave the questions in the comment thread, and we’ll get started on the answers tomorrow.
The comment thread is ONLY for questions to Papa Fuzzy. Any other sorts of comments will be snipped out in order to help us make it easy to find and answer questions.
FYI: The video is coming up as private
Dear Papa Fuzzy:
1. Do you ever go to the Fuzzy barber for a trim, or perhaps highlights and/or coloring?
2. How do you plan to spend your millions? Will you travel to other planets? To Earth?
Hi Papa Fuzzy: which human companions do you prefer: dogs or cats, and why?
Well, now that I can see the video, I see that you have made it to Earth (at least, I assume John is still on Earth). Any other planets on your intinerary, Papa Fuzzy?
Do you have any suggestions about what the residents of Earth could do to make visits by aliens more enjoyable (for aliens)?
I think what we all want to ask aliens is : Dude! What’s with all the probes?
Papa Fuzzy, Will you be coming to Penguicon?
Pappa Fuzzy, will you be returning to perform in Whatnot again?
Dear Papa Fuzzy,
Would you be willing, as an exceptional cultural and political envoy to Earth, to share some of your cultures musical heritage? Possibly translated into the English Earth dialect of vocal images and modulated into the Homo Sapiens auditory range?
Papa Fuzzy, what did you think of Wil Wheaton’s voice for you in the audiobook?
What’s the chances of you convincing Scalzi to do a sequel?
Do you know ALF? Mork from Ork? The alien from E.T.?
Dear Papa Fuzzy: Vegetables… “cruelty free method of ensuring a well balanced diet” or “what food eats?”
How would you feel if Furries started making and wearing fuzzy costumes?
What do you think of Paul and Storm’s Fuzzy Man song?
I see your English has gotten much better since the book, Papa Fuzzy. Have you been taking lessons, or just learning by watching our TV and movies?
Also, how does the one-gender thing work among your kind? (I may be getting this wrong, I read the hardcover a long time ago, and my memory is a little… fuzzy.)
dear papa fuzzy,
my friend is kind of a cynical jerk. what is the appropriate fuzzy way to get him to stop being a cynical jerk?
Dear Papa Fuzzy,
Is this just a cold or allergies and is it possibly your fur?
Papa Fuzzy, what are the Fuzzy beliefs about the afterlife? What’s your working relationship with Jack Halloway like?
Papa Fuzzy, tell us about your ride. You know, as in how you came to Earth. Thanks!
Hello Papa Fuzzy.
Smooth or Crunchy?
Papa Fuzzy, what is your favorite sandwich?
What is your species’ growth rate? What foods do you metabolize best? Describe the socio-economic structure of your people.
Hey Pappa Fuzzy! I have a couple questions for you:
1. I hear when you first arrived on Earth, you spent some time kickin’ it with Mary Robinette Kowal. How cool is she? I hear she’s pretty cool.
2. Can you tell us a happy memory of a time you spent with your child, before the events of Fuzzy Nation? An accomplishment of Baby’s you were especially proud of?
3. Have you met H. Beam Piper’s Little Fuzzy? If not, do you think you’d get along?
I’m afraid we don’t have any XT-3 on this planet. What will you eat in the meantime?
Do Fuzzys ever keep pets?
Dear Papa Fuzzy,
How much input did John have into your book “Little Fuzzy”?
Now that you have a better vocabulary in English, do you have any issues with John’s Fuzzese-English translation?
Dear Papa, Will Wheaton made you sound like Fozzy Bear!
Are you in any way connected to the yogurt plot to rule the world?
Hi, Papa Fuzzy! Right now there is a movement by some people on Earth to only eat food that was produced as locally as possible. It’s called reducing the “petroleum cost” of your food. Do you think that is applicable on a galaxy-wide scale, eating only food produced on your planet or nearby planets to reduce the “hyperspace cost” of your food? Do you think there is a moral obligation to do so, or do you think the lifelessness of the vastness of space (and the general renewability of hyperspace) negates the such a moral obligation?
1. If a FUZZY NATION movie is ever made, who would you like to play you?
2. LITTLE FUZZY or FUZZY NATION — which one do you prefer?
Papa Fuzzy: So who really did shoot first — Han or Greedo?
Papa Fuzzy, what is your reaction when people mistake you for an Ewok?
How does being completely adorable affect how seriously your people are taken, by..let’s say, the Assnards of the universe?
1) I’ve never heard of your stellar rap career, as I am not a rap fan. But I must admit to being intrigued. Would you be willing to put on a brief rendition, with or without the background music? Please?
2) What is the worst part about having fur?
3) Which director would you want to make a movie of your life story?
4) Do you frequent the Stetson & Murple Bar on Lorgle Lane, Nitritionvilleston, Maxleca, 3Z.127AVR2, Alpha Centauri Prime? If so, what is your favorite drink?
Pappa Fuzzy, you and your kin are described several times as cat-like in FUZZY NATION. You don’t look particularly cat-like to me, but all I can see in the video is your head. Now that you are on Earth and have presumably seen a cat or two, do you think you and your relatives can be described as cat-like? If so what particular traits (besides being furry all over) are cat-like, or rather what cat traits do you consider to be Fuzzy-like?
Dear Papa Fuzzy…how come you don’t blink?
Papa Fuzzy, Scalzi’s hand – left, right or no preference?
What’s your current position on bacon? Alternatively, what is bacon’s current position on you? Would you allow it to be taped to your fur, and if so, would you permit photography?
Papa fuzzy-did you have any extraplanetary visitors to your planet before the humans? Did any of them arrive by way of a blue box?
Dear Papa Fuzzy,
Have you tried our tea?
Do you feel threatened by Papa Smurf?
How do thermoses keep things both hot AND cold?
Papa Fuzzy, how come you sound a little like the Looseeanna Alligator from The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (minus the accent)? Does Scalzi watch that show?
What are your favorite Earth foods?
Who’s cuter, Taylor Lautner or Zach Efron?
Who was easier to work with on your story, Pappy H. Beam or Pappy John? And why?
What do you think about Superintelligent Badgers? Are they an underestimated enemy or misunderstood lovable weasel?
Two part question: 1) As an alien who has immigrated to this country illegally, do you have any plans to ‘self-deport’? 2) Would a long fence have made a difference?
What are your thoughts on ‘inter-species erotica’ ?
in other news, ewoks on fire is the name of my next band.
How do you make the right side of Scalzi’s face move when you talk? That’s a neat trick!
My 4 year old daughter wants to know if Papa Fuzzy is a cat or Chewbacca?
I’d like to know which ending you preferred, the one in Fuzzy Nation or Little Fuzzy. Do you think Jack will end up as happy in the new version?
You may have heard of the apocryphal account of your species first contact with humankind, as supposedly relayed by the half-mythical Paratime Police from an alternate reality, Little Fuzzy.
I would like to know your opinion on the comparative fates of Joe DeLise and his alternate reality doppelganger, Leonard Kellogg, both of whom committed the first human-on-Fuzzy murders in their respective timelines. In particular, do you prefer Mr. Kellogg’s remorseful suicide upon the ultimate realization that he did in fact kill a sapient being, or Mr. DeLise’s unrepentant survival for trial? If you prefer that both had felt remorse yet survived, which of the two do you believe met with the less worse outcome in terms of social and personal justice?
Paratemporal Sociology Institute
What was it like watching your child murdered and how did it feel to find those “sons of bitches” and send them off your planet?
Dear Papa Fuzzy:
1. What do you see yourself doing in 10 years?
2. Shoes! Favorite kind, pair, brand? Or are you more of a socks person? Barefoot is so passé.
3. If you were a TV personality, would you have your own show? What would it be?
Dear Papa Fuzzy,
1. Have you ever tried a nice BBQ sauce soak right before bed?
2. If you did have a 4 digit electronic lock on the cage you sleep in, what combination would you use?
Papa Fuzzy – How do you feel about being called an “alien”, when it’s those weird humans who showed up on your planet and started “colonizing”?
And what shampoo are you using? Looks like one of the lighter Clairol colors?
Since Jack Holloway introduced your race to human food with the smoked turkey sandwich, has Jack ever broken down and given you some cheese and did it shred your intestines or something equally as horrible like he claimed? Have you tried any other human foods? What is your favorite? Jack Holloway described you as about the size of a cat. have you tried catnip? is there such a thing as Fuzzy-nip?
As a genderless species, what do you think of human genders? Can you even tell us apart?
Is there anything that Scalzi or his editors left out of the book that you would like to be made known?
I see that the paperback of Fuzzy Nation and the ebook versions of the Harry Potter books came out on the same day.
What sinister alien conspiracy masterminded this?
What is the most difficult concept of your culture to translate into human communication. What is the most difficult human concept for you to understand. Do you shed?
Dear Papa Fuzzy,
Do you have any cool nicknames you like to be called?
Why is there air? Where does dust come from? Will there be fried chicken in outer space? When is a duck? Who put the bomp? How do they put the Caramilk into Caramilk bars? And what happens to Mary Sue?
What is your opinion of Soylent Green?
Why are you and John never in frame at the same time in the videos?
Pappa, what’s John been feeding you on your visit to earth? Any favorites?
Papa Fuzzy: What do you think of Newt Gingrich’s plan to colonize the Moon? Is such colonization something extraterrestrials like yourself think should be encouraged? If so, should it be limited to the Earth/Moon system, or allowed to expand to the rest of the Solar system, or even beyond?
This one comes from my daughter, Alexis. On your journey to Earth, what was the coolest thing you saw? Any constellations that are your favorite as you made the trip?
Question for Papa Fuzzy:
Cake, or Pie?
Where did you get that southern/cowboy/whatever accent? Who were you listening to when you were learning English? I certainly wasn’t John.
As tree-dwellers, do you have problems with ticks, fleas or their extraterrestrial analogues? If so, have you considered investing in any of Earth’s fine fipronil-based tick creams?
Lemuel Gulliver, VP for Marketing, BASF, ET Sales Division
I guess it is too late to ask Papa Fuzzy a question?!
If I could ask one question, it would be this: Papa Fuzzy, how do I go about joining your nation?