Athena and Her Tool For the Zombie Apocalypse
Posted on March 28, 2012 Posted by John Scalzi 31 Comments
I mean, aside from her bow, which she is in fact pretty good at. This thing is for close work, should it come to that. In the meantime it can used for any construction work we have around the house, but come on. We know it’s mostly for dealing with the undead.
Um, can I hide with y’all when Z-Day rolls around? I think that Athena can kick more zombie butt than I can!
That picture makes her hand look huge, like HULK HAND WILL SMASH ZOMBIES huge.
Oh, awesome! You go! Athena! “Dead on tools” Ha! Just added it to my Camping/Survival wishlist on Amazon.
The Rotting Deck of the Undead laughs at the ‘Annihilator’, and double-dog dares her to bring that weak stuff on! It’s just down the road from you on I-70, and is waiting.
I just watched “Shaun of the Dead”. This thing looks more useful than the cricket bat.
Ooooh. Christmas Ideas.
Can’t help but think the bow & arrows won’t do much good against zombies. Even broadheads aren’t going to cut the tendons–wait a tic, have they started her on dynamite arrows?
Dear God, what IS that thing?
Cool Gir shirt too!
Apologies. Didn’t notice the link to the Dread Pirate Bezos. Awesome little piece of hardware, is it not?
I love that her pose matches Gir’s.
A bow is no good for a zombie apocalypse. Slow reload time, all penetration and no dispersal of force, have to aim carefully, and is a definite disadvantage in hallways or up close. Better to buy the kid a shotgun for those zombie emergencies, and a nice extended clip glock.
As to melee weapons: ones like those will get caught up in the zombie skull and easily get lost. Better to have a bat, crowbar or shillelagh. D&D clerics carry around blunt weapons for a reason!
Am I the only one who saw the tip of that sucker as a giant fountain pen?
If anything it’s vampires who’ll have to watch out for that sharp impaley thing she’s wielding.
I’m somewhat tempted to ask if Athena’s ever had you record her rendition of the Doom Song.
“Use your head, cut off theirs,” looks like she’s on the right track, although hopefully she’s downed then with the bow and arrow first (obviously she’s a dead shot and can hit them in the eye every time) before severing the head and wearing it as a trophy to warn off all other zombies.
Dang, dude. Look at that. Your little girl is growing up. She’s gonna be a fabulous young woman. :-)
I love how they work a bottle opener into that thing… You never know when that’ll come in handy. ;-)
Just tell her to close her mouth with close-up zombie work, so she doesn’t get contaminated blood in it. That’s my biggest zombie flying snowman.
I prefer the FUbar by Stanley…
But can you also use it to make waffles, as the shirt strongly suggests should be possible? Because a girl works up an appetite beating down the walking dead.
BTW, does this mean Athena’s the “Chosen One”?
She’s looking a lot like her mom these days!
I love mine. I keep it in the car at all times. :)
@Vaughn They are about $10 cheaper at the big orange box store. It’s where I got mine.
… and if it’s not enough, I spot a four-stringed instrument in the background. That’ll teach ’em.
mdavidblakewriter: No you are not! My first thought was “Oooh. Fountain pen for giants”. Cue lame “the-pen-is-mightier-than-the-[zombie fighting weapon of your choice]” joke.
Oh my, she looks so much like YOU in this picture! Love it!
I thought stakes were for vampires. For zombies, I think a flamethrower is better.
@Aurian: *Wooden* stakes are for vampires. Anything else is just a flesh wound. Flamethrower is definitely better for Zombies when fighting from a distance, but sometimes they sneak up on you, and this Dead On Annihilator Wrecking Bar is, among other things, a powerful hammer. If you click on John’s link “dealing with the undead” it will explain.
I did a test and evaluation of the Annihilator. It’s a good piece of kit, and it’s a “tool” not a weapon. Have one in every vehicle.
I’ve got one of those! I bought it when I was demolishing the downstairs bathroom floor in order to put down new tile. But, honestly, I bought it for its anti-zombie potential.
My wife has forbidden me from buying more things from Home Depot primarily for their anti-zombie potential, but I got a pass on that one, since I actually WAS in the middle of the job for which it was ostensibly designed. But her point is that, at this point, we’ve got enough anti-zombie tools to give everyone in our house one for each hand, with enough left over for guests, so I should stop now.
Daddy would have bought us Uzis!