Athena and Her Tool For the Zombie Apocalypse

I mean, aside from her bow, which she is in fact pretty good at. This thing is for close work, should it come to that. In the meantime it can used for any construction work we have around the house, but come on. We know it’s mostly for dealing with the undead.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

31 replies on “Athena and Her Tool For the Zombie Apocalypse”

The Rotting Deck of the Undead laughs at the ‘Annihilator’, and double-dog dares her to bring that weak stuff on! It’s just down the road from you on I-70, and is waiting.

A bow is no good for a zombie apocalypse. Slow reload time, all penetration and no dispersal of force, have to aim carefully, and is a definite disadvantage in hallways or up close. Better to buy the kid a shotgun for those zombie emergencies, and a nice extended clip glock.

As to melee weapons: ones like those will get caught up in the zombie skull and easily get lost. Better to have a bat, crowbar or shillelagh. D&D clerics carry around blunt weapons for a reason!

If anything it’s vampires who’ll have to watch out for that sharp impaley thing she’s wielding.

I’m somewhat tempted to ask if Athena’s ever had you record her rendition of the Doom Song.

“Use your head, cut off theirs,” looks like she’s on the right track, although hopefully she’s downed then with the bow and arrow first (obviously she’s a dead shot and can hit them in the eye every time) before severing the head and wearing it as a trophy to warn off all other zombies.

I love mine. I keep it in the car at all times. :)
@Vaughn They are about $10 cheaper at the big orange box store. It’s where I got mine.

mdavidblakewriter: No you are not! My first thought was “Oooh. Fountain pen for giants”. Cue lame “the-pen-is-mightier-than-the-[zombie fighting weapon of your choice]” joke.

@Aurian: *Wooden* stakes are for vampires. Anything else is just a flesh wound. Flamethrower is definitely better for Zombies when fighting from a distance, but sometimes they sneak up on you, and this Dead On Annihilator Wrecking Bar is, among other things, a powerful hammer. If you click on John’s link “dealing with the undead” it will explain.

I’ve got one of those! I bought it when I was demolishing the downstairs bathroom floor in order to put down new tile. But, honestly, I bought it for its anti-zombie potential.

My wife has forbidden me from buying more things from Home Depot primarily for their anti-zombie potential, but I got a pass on that one, since I actually WAS in the middle of the job for which it was ostensibly designed. But her point is that, at this point, we’ve got enough anti-zombie tools to give everyone in our house one for each hand, with enough left over for guests, so I should stop now.

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