Things That Pretty Much Suck

My absence from the Internet was a bit longer than I had anticipated today, for one genuinely depressing reason: I left my travel bag in  the taxi that took me to my hotel from the airport, and that bag included my computer and some other stuff (including my car key). So my day was spent procuring alternate computing resources (say hello to my new cheap netbook) and generally being a bit pissed off.

Before you ask: I have no idea what cab it was that brought me in, its number or anything else. If anyone in the DC area can tell me which cab companies use black cabs (regular cars, not limos) I would be obliged. Otherwise, I’m pretty much stuck hoping the cabbie who drove me around remembers who I am or otherwise uses the various clues in the bag (the computer that has my name on it when one tries to log on, the books with my name on the cover, etc) to locate me. Whiile not assuming anything about my cabbie’s honesty, let’s just say I’m really expecting him to be a super sleuth, although I’d be happy to be wrong.

In any event: DC, I’m not feeling the love, I have to say. That is all.

Seriously, What the Hell

Over on Facebook, friends of mine from high school are taking pictures of this bumper sticker, which they allege to be finding out there in the world. The quote comes from something I said on the Alien Encounters TV show, about how even if we find out that aliens exist, we’re sooner or later going to have to get back to our lives, up to and including taking out the trash. So far four or five of them have posted the bumper sticker.

I have to say I’m suspicious about this. The quote is kind of random, I’m not anywhere near famous enough to warrant a bumper sticker, and this is exactly the sort of brain-messery that friends of mine would engage in; specifically, this is the sort of thing my friend Norm Carnick would likely mastermind, because apparently he’s got a lot of free time. The telling detail for me is that as far as I can recall it’s only high school friends and acquaintances that have reported seeing the thing.

All of which is to say I AM ON TO YOU MY HIGH SCHOOL SO-CALLED FRIENDS AND I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE BWA HA HA HA HAH HA unless of course these bumper stickers really do exist non-affiliated to my high school chums, in which case, seriously, what the Hell. I’m definitely not getting a percentage of the profits. I find the picture amusing, however.

Edit, 7:32am: The plot thickens. On eBay!

A Child’s Treasury of Deletions

Yesterday’s post garnered 800 comments before I put it to bed and I ended up deleting a record number of comments out of it, largely from presumably straight white men enraged at the idea their life doesn’t necessarily suck as much as other folks’ and/or because they ate lead paint chips as children and have impulse control issues (plus a couple from other, calmer folks following up on posts I later deleted, so theirs needed to be deleted too). Whatever the reason, I thought it would be fun to post a compendium of Malletings here for your enjoyment.

So without further ado: The Deletions of May 15, 2012!

Warning: Intemperate language follows.

[Deleted because inasmuch as the author of it admits to not reading the entry at all, anything he has to say will be aside the point for the thread — JS]

[Deleted for pointlessness. Did some site with exceptionally stupid readers just link in? — JS]

[Deleted because being a troll isn’t merit badge-worthy — JS]

[Deleted for garden variety racism, misogyny and assholishness — JS]

[Deleted for trollage — JS]

[Deleted because That Guy is a homophobic moron — JS]

[Deleted because Scorpius was already told he was off the thread — JS]

[Aaaand now Scorpius has earned a place in the moderation queue. Enjoy it, Scorpius! You’ll come out again when I decide you’re not trolling — JS]

[Further deleted because That Guy is nowhere as clever as he seems to believe he is — JS]

[Deleted because That Guy is tiresome — JS]

[Contentless troll deleted — JS]

[People who comment to tell me that they didn’t read get deleted! Because they’re jackassed trolls who have nothing to add to the conversation! — JS]

[Deleted for pointlessness — JS]

[Speaking as a white male, I have deleted the comment because of its abject stupidity — JS]

[Deleted for spittle-flinging assholishness — JS]

[Jackassed homophobia deleted — JS]

[Deleted for teh stupid — JS]

[Deleted for not being clever — JS]

[Deleted for being wrong — JS]

[Deleted for stupidity. Also, to the idiot white guy who posted this to see whether or not I would delete a comment by “beautiful strong black lesbian,” whose previous stupid comment I also deleted, nice try. — JS]

[Deleted because it’s responding to a post I deleted. Xopher, dude. Do you really think I was going to let that comment stay up? — JS]

[Name of commenter changed because pointlessly homophobic; comment deleted because 20 years of being a professional writer makes me laugh at this guy — JS]

[Jackassed assertion presented without shred of proof deleted — JS]

[pointless nonsense deleted — JS]

[Hey, you know what? Enough people responded to Don’s last stupidly sexist post that I didn’t want to delete it. But I can delete this stupidly sexist post! — JS]

[Deleted again for ridiculous misogyny. Don, consider a break from the thread, please — JS]

[Don, if you really have to ask how your posts are misogynistic, it’s probably for the best I’m deleting them as I go along — JS]

[Wow, I’m really getting tired of deleting misogyny in this thread — JS]

[Racist dipshittery deleted — JS]

[Hey, look! I’ve malleted this asshole twice! — JS]

Yes, yes. A busy day for the Mallet of Loving Correction, indeed.