Behold the Mallet of Loving Correction

Here it is, big as life. It was given to me by the folks at Chicon 7 in appreciation for my work, and I have to tell you, it is just about the coolest thing I’ve ever received. Krissy is included in the picture for scale. This is what you can imagine me wielding from now on when I wade through the comments.

Chicon 7 is now done. What an excellent Worldcon.

70 Comments on “Behold the Mallet of Loving Correction”

  1. I see a line of accessories in that to be spread across the blogosphere. You could make a mint. And improve the air on the internet quite a bit. :)

  2. John Samuel – Australia – An anime fan from the dim, dark, days of synopses and fifth generation VHS copies. I write a range of reviews at "Pirates of the Burley Griffin", check the blog for more.
    John Samuel

    Very cool, and well played ladies and gentlemen of the Chicon 7 committee.

  3. Looks like it might need Thor to wield it.

  4. Hoping for a picture of John Scalzi with the mallet. Trying to imagine what sort of face he’d make on such a picture. Please! :-)

  5. I suspect that picture would strike fear into many hearts. On the other hand, it might improve the quality of dialogue here, at least a little bit.

  6. THAT… is awesome. Very cool gift!

    But I do think we need a pic of Angry John brandishing it so that we can *really* imagine him in action!

  7. That is the most gorgeous mallet I have ever seen.

  8. You were certainly one of the most excellent parts of the con. A well earned token of the con’s esteem.

    Good seeing you, as always.

  9. Obama sucks. Romney sucks. Democrats are tree hugging wussies. Republicans are narrow minded sheep. Gays shouldn’t marry. Divorce should be illegal. Religion is good. Religion is bad. Your a idiot. its not your its theres. Okay! give it a whack on this one for practice. Has the politics, bad grammar, stupid comments, and i’ll throw in bed spullling check before posting. LOL!!

  10. The inscription reads:

    “The Mallet of Loving Correction
    “Wielded as necessary by John Scalzi
    “”I don’t love you any less for being so WRONG on the Internet.'”

  11. Vicki – Webmaster, concert photographer, lapsed physicist. Vicki likes to take pictures of musicians in her copious spare time. She keeps thinking that she should, perhaps, branch out with this thing, but it keeps not happening. It's a sickness. Pity her.
    Vicki

    Tell Krissy she looks *fabulous*! Dude, you are a lucky man.

  12. I hope the next installment of the Shadow War series features the MoLC. Perhaps an origin tale (“Episode 1: The Mighty Gods of Chicon Hew the Mighty Hammerweapon MoLC from the Mighty Thews of Yggdrasil, Suffering a Few Nasty Splinters that Mommy Kissed and Made Mighty Better”). With reference to Theophylact’s comment above, after swinging it a few too many times, the wielder would be Thore indeed.

  13. Hmmm… what’s that in the fine print there?

    Mallet of Loving Correction*

    *Do not strike computer with mallet. Chicon 7 assumes no responsibility to property damage intentional or accidental.

  14. Upon receipt of this Mallet there followed about ten seconds of maniacal laughter.

    Being wise, we laughed with him (not at).

  15. Aww, did you cry when they gave it to you? You did, didn’t you. That’s so sweet!

  16. John Samuel – Australia – An anime fan from the dim, dark, days of synopses and fifth generation VHS copies. I write a range of reviews at "Pirates of the Burley Griffin", check the blog for more.
    John Samuel

    GC: I believe that you have just demonstrated the Internet equivalent of washing your car in the hope that it will rain.

  17. John Samuel – Australia – An anime fan from the dim, dark, days of synopses and fifth generation VHS copies. I write a range of reviews at "Pirates of the Burley Griffin", check the blog for more.
    John Samuel

    If having an actual mallet is the chocolate cake of geekery, then the XKCD reference in the inscription is the cherry on top. :)

  18. I suspect that picture would strike fear into many hearts. On the other hand, it might improve the quality of dialogue here, at least a little bit.

    “Run for your accounts!” Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! *dopplers away in a mad dash of flailing arms*

  19. I only got to see John during the opening ceremonies. He rocked. Seriously.
    And he only had to shush one geek in the front row, who didnt quite understand the concept of “other people are talking. shut up.”

    I cant imagine what John might have done if he had had the mallet with him.

  20. @Kilroy 11:23: To be fair, a gavel actually is a type of mallet, according to the dictionary and encyclopedia articles I could dredge up on two and a half minutes’ notice.

    And apparently there are strict rules as to how a gavel is to be used, under Robert’s Rules of Order, which don’t include our host’s normal malleting activities. Given that, it’s entirely possible that the Mallet of Loving Correction is thus disqualified from bearing the name “gavel”, and becomes a generic (if elegant) wooden mallet by default.

    Although looking at the size of the thing, it may be more accurate to refer to it as a maul, or perhaps even a sledgehammer.

  21. I just thought of those posts that sometimes show up on Facebook, telling you that the first thing to the right of your computer will be your weapon in a zombie apocalypse – because there’s a good chance that John Scalzi might have the mallet as the first thing to the right of his computer :-D

  22. It’s not widely known, but John considered other devices before deciding on the Mallet

    * The Baseball Bat of Gentle Remonstration
    * The Clue-by-four
    * The Two Iron of Compassion
    * The Cricket Bat of Disagreement
    * The Long, Bent Thing With a Sort of Lump at the End of Polite Demurral
    * The Shillelagh of Stupid Smackin’

  23. I was sad I couldn’t make it this year, but impending wedding and all’a that, y’know?

    See you next year in San Antone’!

  24. In re: Warren Terra’s comment about “to injure someone”:

    Take care not to injure YOURSELF.

    Especially take care not to injure yourself if you yield to paigevest’s request for a photo of you in mid-brandish. Try to demonstrate some move other than Chiropractor’s Delight or Orthopedic Surgeon’s Second Ferrari or Drop Mallet Squash Own Foot.

    What does it weigh? If solid, hefty avoirdupois, I’d guess.

  25. Upon seeing the massive Mallet of Loving Correction, I thought it best to ask Conan of Cimmeria what the best use of such a mighty mallet might be.

    To crush the words of the trolls on you blog, see them flail before you, and to smash produce at the supermarket with the MoLC in an homage to Gallagher.

  26. @Bruce K: I’ve never been so absolutely proved wrong before. I retract the statement and a tip-o-the-hat. Mallet it is.

  27. Geoffrie – Gaston, OR – A salesman by trade, an anachronism by choice; loving father; amateur photographer and hiker; pipe smoker and avid reader; roleplayer; general source of trouble and consternation; semi-granola by choice; techie by obsession. These are just a few of my characteristics.
    Geoffrie

    Reblogged this on …Geoffrie, A Work In Progress and commented:
    Somehow I don’t think out of control comments are going to be the only ones getting this hammer used on them. Now that she has it I suspect she may put it to good use.

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