And Thus It Begins

Posted on September 23, 2012    Posted by      83 Comments

I wrote, on Twitter:

A half hour later, from Wil Wheaton, there is this:

Oh, Wil.

(Shakes head sadly.)

Now you’ve done it.

(Heads down to the BASEMENT OF RETRIBUTION)

Update, 8:54: Wil responds thusly:

To which I respond:

Oh, yeah. SMOKING GUN, baby.

Update, 9:17: I did not make this following video. But it ASKS THE RIGHT QUESTIONS:

Update, 9:37: I am determined to find answers about Wil’s underhanded political dealings with cats!

Update, 9:44: Oh, Wil’s on the ropes now:

Update, 10:14: Clearly flailing at his messaging, Wil nevertheless provides a Bizarro World-like take on events on his own site. It’s sad, really. But this is what you get when you lie down with the teh kittehs: You wake up with THE DANDER OF LIES.

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83 Comments on “And Thus It Begins”

  9. John Scalzi is the Devil! The sinister music totally convinces me. If I think about it, I knew it all along. Oh, he had me fooled. Thank you, Wil, for removing the wool over my eyes! WIL WHEATON FOR GALACTIC EMPEROR!!!

    I remember in high school reading Bacon’s…I mean Shakespeare’s Caesar and complaining to my lit teacher that the scene where the surviving two triumvirate members give speeches and the Roman mob flip-flops their support back and forth was totally unrealistic, that people in real life were not that flippant. He suggested I reserve judgement until I was older. All I can say now is…I was young and naive.

    No, people are not all sheep, but you’d never know it from their politics.

  11. How often do you guys meet up in the real world? ‘Cause everytime you interact on Twitter, it’s comedy gold.

  12. Shame on you! Using poor…what’s your cat’s name?…as a patsy in your Machiavellian machinations!
    Please, for the love of Isis, Wil someone please think of the KITTENS?!!!

  14. I’m so glad I put my glass down before I saw that video. Getting single malt up in my nasal passages would have been no bueno.

  18. OMG, Wil Wheaton has horrible fashion sense! I’m sorry I ever doubted you, John! Off with Wil Wheaton’s threads!!!

  21. Gulliver: Please, for the love of Isis, Wil someone please think of the KITTENS?!!!

    Bastet, actually. Or maybe Sekhmet, depending on how mean you like your Egyptian cat-goddesses.

  23. That was absolutely wonderful! I laughed out loud. This is why you and Wil Wheaton are two of my favorite internet people that I would love to meet at a con sometime but would freak out and not be able to talk to.

  29. And here I was going to mention that Adblock Plus blocks those annoying pre-video ads on YouTube.

    But Wheaton and Scalzi sparring with bacon and cats is so enjoyable I’ll keep that Adblock bit to myself.

  31. I think Ghlaughghy’s reaction was perfect. It is so beneath her to answer the questions of the prying media. (and I have no idea if I spelled her name right)

  32. We all know how this is going to end. They’ll become running mates and pretend all these vicious attack ads never happened.

  34. This may have been the best thing to have happened on the Internet since….the last best thing that happened. But seriously, I’ve been giggling like a maniac over here. I can’t wait to see who strikes next in the War on Cats And Ugly Sweaters!

    Also, Ghlaghghee’s name is pronounced like ‘Fluffy’? I have totally been pronouncing it in my head wrong for years now. >_>

  35. “Also, Ghlaghghee’s name is pronounced like ‘Fluffy’?”

    Huh. Pronounce the “gh” as it sounds in “rough” or “tough” and… So it is, so it is. I bet she likes eating ghoti, too.

    Between that and what a dag is, it looks like I learned two things today. Rock on.

  36. Spellings are context sensitive, he said, knowing no one would listen to him this time, any more than they did the previous thousand times.

    Chris: Between that and what a dag is, it looks like I learned two things today.

    Well, there’s also this one. But you knew about him.

  39. I’m pretty sure my cat supports that PAC too. And she’s been pretty suspicious today and I’ve been away from my computer.

    In her defense, she’d claw the heck out of that ugly sweater.

  44. Isn’t there a law against cat badgering? You’re just lucky you didn’t have to contend with the Claws of Rebuttal.

  45. There are friendships in my life that I really truly value. This, however, is the first time I have ever really, truly valued a friendship between two people with neither of whom am I even acquainted. Thanks for cheering me up some on an otherwise depressing day.

  46. IMHO, both Wil and John need to appear on Stephen Colbert and answer these burning questions.

  47. Two comments:

    Obviously this “Cats against bacon taping” is a Republican front group of some sort; actual cats aren’t against anything to do with Bacon.

    Once again Scalzi raises the bar beyond Epic Fail for the SECOND MONTH RUNNING failing UTTERLY at staying away from net lunacy and time wasteage. Fortunately his FAIL is our hilarious gain.

  54. Really John? Attacking Cat/Dog relationships? I thought better of you. What’s next, legislation to prevent them from living in the same home? WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?!?!?!

  57. I was planning on re-reading a Pratchett to refuel my pun levels but now I don’t have to. I’ll check back later to see if others have entered the fray. Thanks all. snort, chuckle, chuckle

  58. Wait, there’s adverts on Youtube?
    I also use Admuncher to get rid of that annoying Drudge Report siren.
    (Windows only, unless they’ve changed that in the past few years.)

  59. You’ll notice that Scalzi never denies being the devil. He just tries to shift our focus to Wheaton’s sweater. And we all know cats are traditionally familiars, so I’m thinking Ghlaghghee, which means “Devil’s little helper” in Old Babylonian, is just providing her master with another means of diverting our attention.

    Does anyone have any proof that John isn’t the devil? Have they ever been photographed together?

  60. I’m thoroughly amused by this whole exchange. It is even funnier when you realize that Wil is on vacation in Hawaii making Scalzi attack ads. This is the best political campaign out there.

  61. I don’t live in a swing state, but I’ve spent time in Florida during election season and I think I can appreciate the ad burnout that generated the original Tweet.

    So now we have videos that seem to establish John & Wil as being opposing candidates, so what is the office which they are contesting? It must have considerable geographic scope seeing as they live quite far apart.

  62. I think the REAL enemy is whoever made that sweater. That thing is a sin against Ghod and Man.

  63. I’m betting that Wheaton is wearing that sweater because he lost some bet with Scalzi. And I’m also betting that his cat left him a little present in bed last night for nap disturbance.

  65. I know intellectually the cat’s name is pronounced “Fluffy,” but I confess I always read it as “Galaxy” because that’s the closest SFnal thing that doesn’t make my brain curl up and die trying to fit it to the letters on the screen.

    Wow, she is patient. Gets up, walks four feet away, lies back down. I suppose she’s used to the camera by now.

  66. Geez, Scalzi, don’t you have, like, deadlines or something?

    Oh wait. That’s probably exactly why you’re doing this….

  67. Geez, Scalzi, don’t you have, like, deadlines or something?

    Oh wait. That’s probably exactly why you’re doing this….

    Hence when the resident assistant in the college dorm says “Can’t you guys engage in a tracer disc sniper duel in the afternoon instead of 2 a.m.?” the response is a blank look.

  68. In the interest of bipartisanship and leaning across the aisle, I propose that the Honorable Mister Wheaton allow the Honorable Mister Scalzi to tape bacon to Mister Wheaton’s sweater, photograph said bacon, and post the resulting photograph. All in favor of this resolution?

  72. Yes, -E, she is used to the camera. She has also long ago resigned herself to the obvious (to a cat) fact that her humans are mentally damaged in some way, but as long as the house stands and the food keeps coming, she will tolerate them.

  73. In the interest of bipartisanship and leaning across the aisle, I propose that the Honorable Mister Wheaton allow the Honorable Mister Scalzi to tape bacon to Mister Wheaton’s sweater, photograph said bacon, and post the resulting photograph.

    Thereby proving that the sweater is a cat?

  76. I so totally wish I was still teaching US government and politics to high schoolers. I would totally use this. And it totally made me giggle.

  77. Geez, Scalzi, don’t you have, like, deadlines or something?

    Remember, the whole bacon-taping thing happened in the first place because he was procrastinating on a book deadline (Ghost Brigades, wasnit?).

  78. I asked my cat about the super pac and all he would say was:

    Neil be force odd

    Then looked at me sternly.

    Who the hell is Neil?

  79. @ George William Herbert

    Obviously this “Cats against bacon taping” is a Republican front group of some sort; actual cats aren’t against anything to do with Bacon.

    Yup, has all the telltales of GOP astroturfing. They didn’t even bother to get their terms right. Obviously if the Bad Sweater Wearers were real cats, they’d form a SuperClowder!

  80. I could’ve sworn you were all like “hey guys super busy September yeah I’m important and have super ultra important things to do so I can’t blogs all September because crazy busy super important me” and then we get this? Shame Scalzi, SHAME ON YOU! :P

  82. I tried to make you a video in reply, but even putting a dab of olive oil on my screen wasn’t enough to get Sophie Magellan to fake a little interest. That’s either because Obama is twentysixbajillion points ahead here, or because she’s a hamster and has a brain the size of a champagne grape. Instead of telegenically sniffing the screen where I’d loaded up this entry, she went and stood on the space bar and watched my browser scroll down.

    Nobody ever campaigns here. Doyle and Macdonald get invited to meet-and-greets with the whole mad gaggle of no-hope candidates who turn out for the New Hampshire primaries. You get inundated with advertising in the weeks leading up to your voting machines getting hacked again. But us? Nothing. Young Sophie will live and die without once hearing Mitt Romney’s robo-laugh.

    It’s a good life.

  83. Laughing sohard I think something popped…!!!!

    As for the name of your cat… yeah, I finally got it. But then, I stopped even pretending to care about pronouncing anything even vaguely resembling Welsh after a tragic larynx deviation during a whiskey-drinking contest there some years back…

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