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Portrait of the Artist as a Dude on Deadline

It’s not pretty.

I’m supposed to have everything wrapped up in the next week, so don’t expect deep thought from me here this week. Pretty much all my brain cycles are going to the book.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

39 replies on “Portrait of the Artist as a Dude on Deadline”

I hope you don’t catch a serious earworm – that’d kill a lot of brain cycles.

Vicious, cruel host that you are, you’d probably share it with all of us in an effort to dislodge it. We’d have to retaliate by posting ours. Then brains would turn to mush under the combined assault of that many different earworms. Mass chaos in the streets! Now see what you’ve done…!

“The goodness of the book will be inversely proportional to the fried-ness of your look here, right?”

Actually, that’d make it a rather craptastic tome. Should be directly proportional, methinks.

Historically, he who tried
To meet the deadline
Usually died.
Now the term has turned in thrust
He who misses
Bites the dust.

(Thanks to Maureen Gengler, FSPA, who contributed that little ditty to a literary magazine I edited in college. It’s been a permanent part of my mental furniture since 1980…)

You look like the star of a critically-acclaimed drama.

“Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I write in a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop typing words? A web presence big enough that it could be listed on Alexa goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in the blogosphere, Krissy. I AM the blogosphere! A guy opens a book and gets blown away and you think that of me? No. I am the one who writes!”

Oh you poor thing…

John, I’ll leave you alone for now, because I can see your work/sanity equilibrium is delicate, but if anyone else would like to take a similar picture of themselves holding a (funny) sign explaining how they got themselves into this fix, I am working on building a Writer Shaming tumblr, similar to Dog Shaming. Details here: http://www.catherineshaffer.com/index.php/2012/09/04/bad-writer-no-biscuit-2/

We’ve found that it really helps to hand the writing materials to a close family member or friend, because they tend to have better insight into our self-defeating behaviors, failings, whatever than we ourselves do, and come up with wittier captions.

(I hope it’s okay for me to mention this here. Thanks!)

Look at your author, now back to me, now back at your author, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in the Hugo Losers Party with the author your author could smell like. What’s in your hand?, now back at me. It’s a Kindle with manuscripts of that series you love. Look again, the manuscripts are now audio books, narrated by Wil from-the-future-don’t-trust-the-hat Wheaton. Anything is possible when your author smells like Old Con Party Funk. I have a halo.

Disclaimer – I have no idea what old con party funk smells like, nor if our host has ever worn that fragrance. I blame it all on Gaiman.

Someone mentioned surgery.

I don’t know. If I awoke from surgery and saw the face in that photo I’d guess one of three things:

1) I’d now set off the metal detector at airports.

2) My G.I. tract entrance was now sewn to its exit.

3) I was in Hell.

That’s pretty rough looking….I’d just like to say for all of us though, that if that is what it takes to get us another cool book, I guess we can live with it. Apologies to your wife, of course, but art comes at a price and we want a new book, so…..

Weren’t the Stanley Cup playoffs like months ago?

Seriously, is that ritualistic growth? Cause if it’s no-time-for-grooming growth, I’m impressed. I can’t get nearly that much before the itching gets to me.

Who am i kidding. I couldn’t get that much in the time since the Hugos. >.>

I have been reading several author blogs and I noticed that many writers say one of the hardest parts of being a writer is managing your time. Since you don’t have a boss and you basically work alone.

does anyone know if John has blogged about how he organizes his writing/working time? if so, do you remember the name of the blog entry so I can find it?

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