Behold! The Bride of Frankenscalzi!

She’s married to a monster! And I am glad.

13 Comments on “Behold! The Bride of Frankenscalzi!”

  1. The dramatist at work. Follow scenes of intensity with something lighthearted to cleanse the emotional palate. And by the way…saw Bride of Frankenstein two nights ago, for the first time ever on a big quality screen, and it’s even better than I thought it was. Love the photo, too.

  2. You’re the monster?

    Then who constructed you? Dr. Frahnkensteen?

    Did Eye-gore grab the jar marked “Abby Normal”?

    I’ll be here all week, folks.

  3. Dude, I have to admit I was busy and only took a cursory glance at all you wrote and I broke the one rule you asked not to break. Sorry for that! The 17 y/o you is still you and that is quite amazing. If only everyone were so focused at that age.

  4. I repeat myself: your wife is oddly monochrome and oversaturated (and now your bookshelf is, too!). But it remains true that it’s what’s inside, beneath all that black-and-white surface, that counts.

  5. What’s inside that counts? The gooey, red stuff?

    I for one am appalled that we have no photos of Frankenscalzi itself. Or the Child of Frankenscalzi, the Dog of Frankenscalzi, the Numerous Cats of Frankenscalzi, the mad officelab of Frankenscalzi, Frankenscalzi’s Castle…

  6.     … or the infernal Frankenscalzi grammophone, perhaps better known to the Nmrs. Cats o.F. as THE SPINNY TABLE OF SCIENCE AND DEATH.

    No question, that is one gorgeous monster. Just look at that precision stitchwork!

  7. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang, now with more Klebin 3000

    Um… That’s kinda hot? Yeah.

  8. I think you two should really dress in “pairs costume” If I may be so bold as to offer a suggestion – each of you dresses as a foot, one right and the other left. That would work the best if someone at the party spoke Italian. Go Scalzi!

  9. @ George William Herbert

    The Bunny of Frankenscalzi ate the whole clan. Now the Bride of Frankenscalzi’s reign is undisputed. Except for that pesky rabbit, but rabbit soup goes great with pumpkin pie. Yum.

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