Because I swear to God the entire week has gone like this:
Me (sitting down to keyboard): Okay! Time to write something interesting and amusing.
Brain: SHUT UP AND FEED ME.
Me: I totally just fed you fifteen minutes ago. We had a fruit snack.
Brain: FRUIT SNACK NOT REAL FOOD. IT’S HUMILIATED GELATIN.
Me: Look, Brain, I have work to do.
Brain: NO FOOD NO BRAIN.
Me: I think I’ve been overeating in general this week.
Abdomen: It’s cool. I’m storing it as fat! See?
Me: Swell. Okay, seriously, brain —
Brain: FEED ME OR I WILL WAKE YOU UP AT 3 AM WITH UNCEASING THOUGHTS OF YOUR INEVITABLE DEATH.
Me (gets up to get a cookie): There. Happy?
Brain: I AM HAPPY NOW.
Me: Good. Then maybe we can get to —
Brain: SHUT UP AND FEED ME.
So. Yeah. That’s me this week. Hi.
Over to you, then. What’s going on with you? Tell me as I go get another snack.