My Sugary Flying Adventure In the Air
Posted on January 25, 2013 Posted by John Scalzi 39 Comments
The background for this series of tweets: My flight out of LA yesterday was delayed, and I ended up in DFW with lots of time to kill. A service representative from American Airlines gave me a couple of food vouchers.
A nice lady from @americanair gave me a couple of meal vouchers for my troubles. NOW I FEAST LIKE A FLIGHT DELAYED KING.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 24, 2013
With my second meal voucher, I just bought a whole bunch of candy. IT’S SUGARIN’ TIME
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
Got me some exit row action going on. I WILL SAVE THESE PEOPLE.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
HEY TWITTER I ATE MY CANDY AND IT WAS DELICIOUS DO YOU LIKE CANDY I LIKE CANDY SWEET SWEET CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY #CANDYCANDYCANDY
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
HEY TWITTER YOU CAN HANG UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE CEILING OF AN AIRLINE CABIN IF YOU JUST DIG IN YOUR FINGERNAILS REAAAALY DEEP #CANDYCANDYCANDY
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
HEY TWITTER I THINK IF I TRY I CAN CHEW THROUGH ONE OF THE AIRPLANE WINDOWS I HEAR DECOMPRESSION IS A BLAST GET IT #CANDYCANDYCANDY
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
HEY TWITTER I THINK THERE MAY BE MORE THAN ONE AIR MARSHAL ON THIS FLIGHT I THINK I KNOW AN EXCITING WAY TO FIND OUT #CANDYCANDYCANDY
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
HEY TWITTER DID YOU KNOW AIR MARSHALS CARRY DUCT TAPE I DID NOT BUT NOW I DO I AM TWEETING THIS WITH MY TONGUE #CANDYCANDYCANDY
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
HEY TWITTER I FEEL THE SUGAR CRASH COMIN– Oh. Oh, dear. I’m pretty sure the exit row didn’t look like this before I had my snack.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
So, hey, Twitter: some of you are lawyers, right? I am asking for a friend. Uh, who is currently duct taped to his exit row seat.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
Also I would like to announce my Kickstarter for my upcoming legal thriller “Scalzi Tries To Avoid Being Sent To Guantanamo”.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
Folks, we all learned something tonight. You learned candy is a sugary demon from Hell. I learned I have a duct tape adhesive allergy.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
We’ve begun our descent. Folks, if I disappear into the bowels of the justice system, have a Red Vine in my memory. RED VINE. NOT TWIZZLER.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 25, 2013
This was all true and really happened. I SWEAR.
Also, the thematically appropriate video.
Did Krissy have some, too, and that’s how your office became so clean? The hashtag would have been “#candymovebookscandycandycandymovemorebooks”.
I almost ruined my keyboard with soda, I was laughing so hard…thanks
So American Airlines has in-flight wifi? Good to know.
The first time in recorded history a grumpy child was heard to mutter, “I hate flying with adults.”
I’ll have a handful of Nibs in your honour when you disappear into the justice system. I don’t think Red Vines are even available in Canada.
You sir, are Silly.
So your experience basically ended up like this:
http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/2013/01/why-you-should-never-fly-without-duct-tape.html
So, does your wife let you go out in public unsupervised?
Yeah, mine doesn’t either.
Here, I’ll say it: the most insane thing in this entire post is your endorsement of Red Vines over Twizzlers. HEATHEN.
This is what I pictured while reading your post:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SN77b9DqEbc
So twitter is the new shortform for short stories?
Need a new keyboard now, this one’s soggy.
So, how was the flying? American in rebranding itself right now, presumably to recover from their current image of “Most Craptacular AIrline in the Free World”… Are they doing it, or do I need to change my reservations for next month?
I love that song so much.
I know, lamest comment ever. Sorry. But it’s true.
Dear Mr. Scalzi — I should know better than to read your blog at work. My nostrils now feel like someone has taken a vegetable peeler to them, due to a superabundance of “*snerk* *snertle* *phffttchhh* *snrrrrch*” and other hits from the same album.
Jelly Belly has a Timothy Leary flavor now?
That particular Twitter userpic is utterly perfect for that series of tweets.
This is a somewhat random question, but how do you embed the tweets into your post like that? I’ve been trying to figure out how to do the same thing for a while and can’t seem to figure it out.
How’s that diet coming along, John?
CANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY
*SO* right about Red Vines. twizzlers are an abomination and suck!
Definitely down with the Vines. Twizzlers wish they could grow up to be Vines.
I laughed my ass off last night following your series of tweets.
And it’s still just as hilarious today.
I feel for the flight crew….
BTW, how many air marshals were on your flight?
So, basically, you are Mac from Foster’s all grown up: http://youtu.be/VrZW1BxoZpw — that’s kinda terrifying. (In a completely excellent way.)
Just wanted to thank you for reminding me how utterly fantastic Kate Pierson is in that song.
This is Candy.
This is your brain on Candy.
Any questions?
See, and I mostly thought it was like this video http://youtu.be/GcjxwXCxBBU, the Dinosaur Baby on sugar, sugar, sugar.
Caleb Flanagan, hover over the Tweet you want to embed. Click on the “More” link. You’ll see (or should see) two options: “Email tweet” or “Embed Tweet.” Picking “Embed Tweet” gives you a box with raw HTML code which can be copied and then pasted into the place you’d like it to appear.
ew. red vines. twizzlers ftw!
John, how do you hang upside down from the ceiling by digging in with your fingernails? You took more than candy, and I’m telling Mom. That is unless you give me your swiss army knife.
John, I was hitting youtube for George Carlin’s routines for air travel (ie – I’m not getting on the airplane, I’m getting IN the airplane) but most of them had the 7 words you can’t say, and I didn’t want anyone at work clicking on them here (without headphones) :).
Needless to say, between the two of you, I had a couple of smiles last night.
DFW? I was wondering why I felt that disturbance in the Force yesterday — much is now clear.
Ya know ya crazy. Right?
John had another Churro Madness moment, fueled by sweet, sweet candy. Channeling Beavis and Butthead, are we?
Don’t be silly. You can’t sit in the emergency exit row if you’re restrained with duct tape. You have to be ready, willing and able to save those people. #SAVETHOSEPEOPLE
[Cough, cough, wheeze. Helpless laughter. Cough.]
I knew I was in for a treat at “IT’S SUGARIN’ TIME.” But I’m almost afraid to follow you on Le Tweet.
Best. Story. Ever.
Loved this. Thank you!
P.S. Please don’t eat ALL the sweets!
Ha! I follow you on Twitter and thoroughly enjoyed the saga but had missed the beginning so could not figure out where the candy came from. Thanks for filling in the blanks!
I am picturing Nyan cat.
Make that, Nyan Bacon Cat.
I’m heading to Guantanamo in March, so if you end up there, I’ll see if I can sneak you in some Coke Zero in return for signing my books at Immortal Confusion….