What To Get The Birthday Girl Who Has Everything

A kitchen sink, quite obviously.

And yes, it is my lovely wife’s birthday today. If you desire to wish her fair returns on the day, I would not look askance of it.

115 Comments on “What To Get The Birthday Girl Who Has Everything”

  1. Happy birthday to your girl – and get her something girly too, so she feels even more special… and do not let her do dishes on her birthday :-)

  2. I’d have gone with Jetpack but Kitchen Sink would be useful if you’re lacking one.

  3. Happy Birthday! What an auspicious day, Krissy, to share with the 75th anniversary of Lois Lane! (Superman, too, but Lois was truly groundbreaking!) Hope your kitchen redo is as painless as possible!

  4. That’s quite a rock you gave her, John. I hope she has a very happy birthday, and good luck on the remodel. I just put my house on the market, so I know what fun adventures in disrupting the domestic life are.

  5. A very happy birthday to a fellow April 18th!!! (and to think we get to share it with the Tenth Doctor, to boot!) :-)

  6. Happy Birthday Krissy. Great present! My best ever present was a cordless drill but your’s wins for sure.

  7. For the 25th wedding anniversary, I asked a jeweler to inscribe on a gold-plated disc to hang from a bracelet a “5” to the power of “2” — and he kept saying: “Don’t you want it to say 25? What do you mean, the 2 is to the right of the 5, and smaller in size, and raised slightly?” Eventually, he complied…

    So now for birthdays and anniversaries I lean towards audiobooks, restaurant plus movie theatres, an travel to relax at resorts.

  8. Happy Aniversary of your First Day among us, Krissy. You sure have fine taste in husband selectivity. Who else would come up with granite countertops to mark the occassion? Only Sir Scalzi, I think.

  9. Happy birthday, Krissy! I hope you enjoy your new sink.

    I’m waiting for the plumbers to return (any minute now) to finish installing my new sink, which is a black Swanstone (composite that looks like granite.) You don’t really appreciate your kitchen sink until it goes away on Tuesday morning … I am glad the pros are doing it. I thought I had it figured out, but there were a few details I missed, and watching has been instructive.

  10. Happy Birthday, Krissy! May your day be filled with new sinks and other wonders!

  11. Happy B-day, Krissy! Eat lots of cake and enjoy the day! I might surmise you have everything there is to have, then, at this point. I’m still working on that with my own lovely wife, Tracy. She asked me to get her an electric lawnmower for her birthday next month–though oddly enough I believe she expects me to use it. Anyway, have a great day!

  12. Happy birthday, Ms. Scalzi! Congrats on your present. Make sure that you read all those annoying information packets. Granite is amazing but like all natural stone there is some maintenance and common sense issues. (hint, don’t leave a packet of butter out on granite on a hot day = permanent stains).

  13. Many happy returns of the day to Krissy. And may I say, you two seem so lucky to have each other. Krissy seems genuinely happy to be getting a sink for her birthday!

  14. Have a very happy birthday, Krissy. May it be filled with laughter, and love, and lots of cake (or pie! whichever is your favourite).

  15. Have a great birthday Krissy. May the coming year’s trip around the sun be one of your happiest.

  16. Happy Birthday!
    I’d add a “many happy returns”, but you probably don’t want those during a kitchen renovation.

  17. Happy Birthday, Krissy! Thank you for descending from whatever mountain palace your immortal goddess people are from and living amongst us mortals, caring especially for the special monkey man called John Scalzi. Enjoy your new human kitchen!

  18. [Some joke about not taking your wife for granite.] (I honestly used to think that’s what the expression was.)

    Hippo, birdie, two ewes. (Because three cats, one dog doesn’t sound as festive.)

  19. Happy birthday Krissy! May you get everything you wish for this year, starting with the resumption of running water in the kitchen.

  20. I hope you have the kind of spectacular birthday those of use with boring stainless steel sinks can only dream of wistfully.

  21. Happy Birthday to Krissy! May your sink never overflow with dirty dishes. And if it does, may someone else clean them.

  22. Happy Birthday!

    And if all he got you for your birthday was a sink, well, John, it was nice knowing you……

  23. Happy birthday, Krissy, from John and Peggy Rae Sapienza. I do hope Peggy Rae doesn’t see photos of your new kitchen, she’s already thinking about redoing ours ….

  24. I usually lurk, but I have to chime in on this one. Happy Birthday Krissy! I completely understand the sink. The BEST birthday gift my hubby got me was a Henckel chef knife from the original line (fits my hand the best). I was ecstatic! My mother, whose best dinner dish is “making reservations”, was appalled.

  25. Many happy returns of the day! This is also my spouse’s birthday, and at least 4 friends have April birthdays as well; obviously there is something significant about the month.

  26. According to the little Hallmark booklet, this month’s birthday gets white gold, linen, and — yep, granite!
    Happy Birthday, Krissy!

  27. Happy birthday, Krissy!

    When we moved in to this house, the original stainless steel kitchen sink was a disaster. My inlaws gave us a nice check as a wedding present, so we used some of it to replace our sink. When we went shopping, we discovered that the sinks available for the size opening we had were either really cheap stainless, or the stainless wasn’t configured the way I wanted it. The only sink we could find that I was happy with was enamel-coated cast iron. It took no effort at all for my husband to remove and dispose of the old stainless steel sink…but you should have seen him trying to manhandle the cast iron sink on his own. I gotta give him props for managing to install it without complaint (I helped as best I could, but the thing was so heavy the most I managed was to squirt the glue around the sink opening before hubby put the new sink in).

  28. Happy Birthday, Krissy. It’s also the birthday of a very good pal of mine — must’ve been a great day to be born!

  29. All best wishes for the day and for the coming year, Krissy!

    (I misread “granite” as “graphite” and thought it was art supplies at first.)

  30. Happy Birthday, Krissy! What a lucky gal, you got everything AND the kitchen sink for your birthday!

  31. Happy Birthday! What a nice present–I love to get kitchen stuff. Enjoy your new sink.

  32. Happy birthday Krissy! I got a Marx Bros. DVD box set for my birthday last week; I hope you enjoy your new sink as much as I’ve been enjoying that. Though hopefully it won’t make you laugh as much, ’cause that would be kinda weird. ;)

  33. Happy B-day and I hope you enjoy thte new sink & counter tops. It is also an opportunity to get a new faucet cuz, you know, the old one just doesn’t match. Also, Costco sells a nice reverse osmosis system that fills one of the pre-drilled holes in newer kitchen sinks.

  34. To Mrs. Whatever (yeah, you’re probably stuck with that – wear it with pride): ¡Feliz Cumpleaños! Y muchos más,

  35. Happy Birthday, Krissy! May you and John continue to put up with each other for many years.


    Some Internet Guy from 2.5 counties away

  36. Ah, someone already stole my “nice rock” joke!

    Congrats on the new kitchen and Happiest of Birthdays to you!

  37. Happy Birthday, Scalzi’s wife! From some dude on the Internet you’ve never heard of, and almost certainly never will hear of, so long as I keep reminding myself that the voices aren’t real and I shouldn’t do what they say.

    Who also is perfectly certain there’s much, much more to you than just “Scalzi’s wife”, but that’s all I know about.

    Oh yeah, and if that’s really your birthday present, it had better be one hell of a nice kitchen sink. (Which is possible; there is such a thing as a hell of a nice kitchen sink; but just sayin’.)

  38. Happy Birthday! It feels like there’s a useful interview question in there (“How would you move Mont Blanc to Ohio?”) but I suspect the answer would involve conferring immortality upon Krissy in order to provide the requisite number of birthdays.

    I have to say, though, I view “look askance of it” with suspicion.

  39. Well, I sink this is just lovely, and I hope you two have lots of good clean fun with it.

  40. I do, in fact, desire to wish her fair returns. Fair returns, Krissy! And enjoy your lovely kitchen.

  41. At first glance of the box, I just caught the “Mont Blanc” and I thought, “Huh. John got her a case of wine for her birthday.” Glad to see it’s something more useful than that.

    Happiest of days to you, Krissy! Thanks for putting up with John and letting him play here.

  42. Many Happy Returns from Down Under, Krissy. Just so you know, we have a firm rule in my house that if an appliance (and a sink counts) is given as a gift, it must come with at least 1 piece of jewelry, to ward off bad luck.

  43. For a split second there, I thought that was an enormous case of wine. Happy Birthday, Krissy. Enjoy your lovely new kitchen.

  44. Wuz trying for some joke about like maybe hair or smooth skin and
    being to young to have new counter tops but every try creeped me

    Many happy agains on your BD, young lady.

  45. Rawr! What a great bday present. I was pretty happy with my dish drain, this year, for our anniversary. That’s the sign of a healthy marriage, imo–practical gifts!

  46. Happy belated birthday, Krissy!
    Add me to the list of people who thought it was a case of wine (and got jealous).

  47. Happy Birthday! In our family, we celebrate birthday fests that last a week so I’m technically not late. Thanks for your infinite patience with us. Hope the kitchen turns out lovely.

  48. What a smokin’ hot romantic you are, John! Happy Birthday, Krissy, and if that sink wasn’t the gift you’ve been hinting for, you have all John’s readers’ permissions to apply the Mallet of Loving Correction where it will do the most good!

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