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What To Get The Birthday Girl Who Has Everything

A kitchen sink, quite obviously.

And yes, it is my lovely wife’s birthday today. If you desire to wish her fair returns on the day, I would not look askance of it.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

115 replies on “What To Get The Birthday Girl Who Has Everything”

For the 25th wedding anniversary, I asked a jeweler to inscribe on a gold-plated disc to hang from a bracelet a “5” to the power of “2” — and he kept saying: “Don’t you want it to say 25? What do you mean, the 2 is to the right of the 5, and smaller in size, and raised slightly?” Eventually, he complied…

So now for birthdays and anniversaries I lean towards audiobooks, restaurant plus movie theatres, an travel to relax at resorts.

Happy birthday, Krissy! I hope you enjoy your new sink.

I’m waiting for the plumbers to return (any minute now) to finish installing my new sink, which is a black Swanstone (composite that looks like granite.) You don’t really appreciate your kitchen sink until it goes away on Tuesday morning … I am glad the pros are doing it. I thought I had it figured out, but there were a few details I missed, and watching has been instructive.

Happy B-day, Krissy! Eat lots of cake and enjoy the day! I might surmise you have everything there is to have, then, at this point. I’m still working on that with my own lovely wife, Tracy. She asked me to get her an electric lawnmower for her birthday next month–though oddly enough I believe she expects me to use it. Anyway, have a great day!

Happy birthday, Ms. Scalzi! Congrats on your present. Make sure that you read all those annoying information packets. Granite is amazing but like all natural stone there is some maintenance and common sense issues. (hint, don’t leave a packet of butter out on granite on a hot day = permanent stains).

Many happy returns of the day to Krissy. And may I say, you two seem so lucky to have each other. Krissy seems genuinely happy to be getting a sink for her birthday!

Happy Birthday, Krissy! Thank you for descending from whatever mountain palace your immortal goddess people are from and living amongst us mortals, caring especially for the special monkey man called John Scalzi. Enjoy your new human kitchen!

I usually lurk, but I have to chime in on this one. Happy Birthday Krissy! I completely understand the sink. The BEST birthday gift my hubby got me was a Henckel chef knife from the original line (fits my hand the best). I was ecstatic! My mother, whose best dinner dish is “making reservations”, was appalled.

Happy birthday, Krissy!

When we moved in to this house, the original stainless steel kitchen sink was a disaster. My inlaws gave us a nice check as a wedding present, so we used some of it to replace our sink. When we went shopping, we discovered that the sinks available for the size opening we had were either really cheap stainless, or the stainless wasn’t configured the way I wanted it. The only sink we could find that I was happy with was enamel-coated cast iron. It took no effort at all for my husband to remove and dispose of the old stainless steel sink…but you should have seen him trying to manhandle the cast iron sink on his own. I gotta give him props for managing to install it without complaint (I helped as best I could, but the thing was so heavy the most I managed was to squirt the glue around the sink opening before hubby put the new sink in).

Happy B-day and I hope you enjoy thte new sink & counter tops. It is also an opportunity to get a new faucet cuz, you know, the old one just doesn’t match. Also, Costco sells a nice reverse osmosis system that fills one of the pre-drilled holes in newer kitchen sinks.

Happy Birthday, Scalzi’s wife! From some dude on the Internet you’ve never heard of, and almost certainly never will hear of, so long as I keep reminding myself that the voices aren’t real and I shouldn’t do what they say.

Who also is perfectly certain there’s much, much more to you than just “Scalzi’s wife”, but that’s all I know about.

Oh yeah, and if that’s really your birthday present, it had better be one hell of a nice kitchen sink. (Which is possible; there is such a thing as a hell of a nice kitchen sink; but just sayin’.)

Happy Birthday! It feels like there’s a useful interview question in there (“How would you move Mont Blanc to Ohio?”) but I suspect the answer would involve conferring immortality upon Krissy in order to provide the requisite number of birthdays.

I have to say, though, I view “look askance of it” with suspicion.

At first glance of the box, I just caught the “Mont Blanc” and I thought, “Huh. John got her a case of wine for her birthday.” Glad to see it’s something more useful than that.

Happiest of days to you, Krissy! Thanks for putting up with John and letting him play here.

Many Happy Returns from Down Under, Krissy. Just so you know, we have a firm rule in my house that if an appliance (and a sink counts) is given as a gift, it must come with at least 1 piece of jewelry, to ward off bad luck.

Wuz trying for some joke about like maybe hair or smooth skin and
being to young to have new counter tops but every try creeped me
out.

Many happy agains on your BD, young lady.

What a smokin’ hot romantic you are, John! Happy Birthday, Krissy, and if that sink wasn’t the gift you’ve been hinting for, you have all John’s readers’ permissions to apply the Mallet of Loving Correction where it will do the most good!

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