First of May! Time for a Contest! To Win an ARC of The Human Division!

The contest is simple: Caption the picture above, in which Zeus the cat and Daisy the dog are clearly up to something.

One submission (one post, one caption) per person, so make it good — there’s no prize for being first, just best. Entries have to be in the thread attached to this post; if you leave them on Twitter, Facebook, etc, they won’t be considered.  Winner gets an ARC of The Human Division, which I will sign and (if desired) personalize. Open to anyone anywhere on the planet. Contest runs to 11:59:59pm Eastern tonight, May 1, 2013. I’ll pick my favorite caption and announce it in the next couple of days and ship out the ARC next week.

Go!

Update: Contest now closed — I’ll look through the entries and announce a winner soon(ish)!

483 Comments on “First of May! Time for a Contest! To Win an ARC of The Human Division!”

  1. Note: The comment thread is for entries only. Everything else will get snipped out, probably without me leaving a note it’s been snipped.

    Note also that any entries I find that are overtly phobic and/or clearly troll-like I will probably also snip out, because, really, life’s too short.

  2. “You distract them by being lovable while I knock every movable object off of every high place I can find! It’ll be GREAT!”

  3. Daisy: Don’t look now but I think he’s onto us…
    Zeus: Open your mouth and I’ll rip your face off!

  4. Zeus: I’ll rub his legs and trip him, you get the bag of groceries when he drops it.
    Daisy: Tuna for you and steak for me!

  5. Zeus: We must wait until the hooman slumbers. Then, we tape ALL the bacon to him.

  6. Zeus: Right, you go lick his face, I’ll check the bag for treats while he’s distracted

  7. Daisy: ::heck:: ::heck::
    Zeus: You’re doing it wrong. You have to cough up that hair ball in his shoes, not his bag.

  8. Daisy: White male is the easy setting? Doesn’t he know house cat is the easy setting?
    Zeus: He’s humanocentric – he’ll never get it.

  9. Zeus: Bow down to the superior race, filthy human lover!
    Daisy: Oh man… I really stepped in it this time…

  10. Eva Graebel – United States – I'm a woman, a writer, a reader and consumer of science fiction and fantasy. I'm also an MFA and possibly seeking PhD on the relationships of women to science fiction settings. This is my blog.
    Graebel

    Zeus: You’ve got a popcorn kernel stuck in your teeth. Just hang on and I’ll chew it out for you.

  11. Zeus: I’ll distract him by leaping onto his lap and getting all up in his grill, then you grab it at eat it.
    Daisy: *evil chuckle*

  12. Daisy: What are we going to do today, Zeus?
    Zeus: Same thing we do every day – try and take over the world!

    (I couldn’t resist. . .)

  13. Emily – I am a current Undergraduate History Major planning on concentrating in the area of U.S. History with a certificate in Southeast Asian Studies. In addition to being a full time student, I work as a tour guide at the Wisconsin Historical Museum. My current blog, The Toy Box Scholar, examines the historical background to common childhood memories, objects, and ideas. I will try to hit a variety of topics and I am more than open to suggestions! History is Child's Play
    Emily

    Zeus: What do you mean you ate the last popsicle? I hope you enjoyed it…

  14. Pssst! Dog, if you really want to score points with the human be sure and eat the treats in the litter box and then lick his face. They LOVE that!

  15. “What are we doing tonight Zeus?”
    “Same thing we do every night Daisy, try to take over the world!!!”

  16. Alex Shvartsman – Brooklyn, NY – Alex Shvartsman (@AShvartsman) is a writer and game designer. His adventures so far have included traveling to over 30 countries, playing a card game for a living, and building a successful business. Alex resides in Brooklyn, NY with his wife and son. His recently published fiction is linked at https://sites.google.com/site/alexshvartsmanbibliography/
    Alex Shvartsman

    “If we put our heads together, we can get John to write about Canine and Feline Divisions next.”

  17. Zeus: Stop trying to reenact that first chapter from “Android’s Dream”, that was based on technology, not eating all the cabbage and poop you could find in the yard.
    Daisy: But it’s so tasty!

  18. Zeus: My name is Zeus.
    Daisy: Zeus?
    Zeus : Yes, Zeus! As in Father of Apollo? Mount Olympus? Don’t-fuck-with-me-or-I’ll-shove-a-lightning-bolt-up-your-ass Zeus! You got a problem with that?
    Daisy: No, I don’t have a problem.

  19. Daisy: They brought steak in the house!
    Zeus: When they get it out of the cold box, you distract the humans and I will…

  20. ZEUS: I’m telling you Daisy, I don’t know how much longer I can take it! If he tries to sing “Soft Kitty” to me one more time, I’m taking him out at the knees!
    DAISY: It’s not to bad, do you remember his Elvis phase? *shudder*

  21. Assembled press: “Daisy! Daisy! Is it true you eat your own sick???”
    Zeus: “Don’t answer that, Daisy. No more questions. This press conference is OVER!!”

  22. Daisy: Should I poop near his bag?
    Zeus: Gee, Daisy. I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.
    Daisy: Oh…
    Zeus: Poop *in* his bag.

  23. Zeus: “All of those ‘brilliant’ ideas of his? I whisper them in his ear while he sleeps. When he questions them, I appease him with churros. Such a simple beast.”

  24. Zeus: You were supposed to poop in his shoes NOT MY FOOD DISH!
    Daisy: Sorry. When you gotta go you gotta go.

  25. Zeus: You realize that despite our size difference and strength, i’m the one named after a God….
    Daisy: But they said I was special…

  26. syrinx21121976 – Earth, Milky Way – A human, with a computer, and likely too much time on his/her hands. In fact we'll narrow things down to a Canadian human, born after the death of Christ (and in fact after the formation of Canada) I play clarinet. I do not live near a pineapple under the sea. Sunlight and holy water cause intense burns.
    Jack Stewart

    The fault, dear Daisy, is not in our stars, but in our paws.

  27. Zues: Okay, here’s the plan…you distract the human and I’ll knock the plate of food to the floor. You can have the bacon and I’ll eat the eggs.
    Daisy: Mmmm….bacon.

  28. Daisy to Zeus: “I told you *not* to fetch him the ukulele when he called for it. Now, nose-bites will commence.”

  29. Zeus: Sub-creatures! Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, the Traveller has come! Choose and perish!
    Daisy: I couldn’t help it! It just popped in there. [sigh] It’s a giant Bacon Beggin’ Strip.

  30. Daisy: *cough* *cough* What WAS that I just ate?!
    Zeuse: I TOLD you you shouldn’t eat it! I think that was one of his socks!
    Daisy: But it smelled SO yummy… *cough*

  31. Psst. Daisy, go roll in the flowers then shake out the pollen in his office. I’ll work on the dander. Soon he will be incapacitated.

  32. “Man’s best friend? HA! Get ready to taste my SCRATCHING POST!!!”

  33. Zeus: Here’s how it will work. I’ll keep an eye on the hu-man. Meanwhile, you pull down the front window drapes, knock over the coffee table, and root through the kitchen trash for last night’s pork chop bones. Then, lay down on the kitchen floor in the middle of the mess, put on your biggest grin, and bark real loud. When the hu-man comes in, he’ll think a burglar broke into the house, trashed the place, and was looking for food when you interrupted him and scared him away. The hu-man will reward you for your bravery. Since you’re doing most of the work, I’ll let you keep the pork chop bones.

    Daisy: Hee hee! This will be great!

  34. “As soon as the Churro Waffles are ready, you will distract our human servants by throwing up on the male’s keyboard. Then, the waffles will be MINE!”

    “But…”

    “Silence, dog, or no waffles for you!!”

  35. “Remember, you take out the big one, I get the little one. Got it? Good, cause enough is enough. Tomorrow, we take out the ukeleles.”

  36. Daisy: Should we just let Joshu win this contest?
    Zeus: Yes…yes…this caption isn’t even remotely funny. Think of all the anger when it wins…devious!

  37. Nah, Daisy, no worries, no worries — they’d never suspect you! — you’re too smart for that. Just get the keys off the table, bring them to me — I’ll be waiting in the car — and once we’re on the road, the world is ours!!!

  38. All right, it’s agreed. You keep the humans busy, and I’ll sell their stuff on eBay. And then we go our separate ways.

  39. JohnFromGR – Grand Rapids, Michigan – Chief Operations Officer of Caffeinated Press. Editor-in-Chief of The 3288 Review. Martial arts instructor. Web/mobile developer. I write sometimes, too.
    John Winkelman

    Looks to me like they are uncomfortably Karaoke-ing together.

    Zeus:
    “I could have been someone”

    Daisy:
    “Well, so could anyone!
    You took my dreams from me,
    when I first found you!”

    Zeus:
    “I kept them with me, babe;
    I put them with my own.
    Can’t make it out alone –
    I’ve built my dreams around you.”

    Together:
    “And the boys of the NYPD choir’s still singing Galway Bay
    And the bells are ringing out
    For Christmas day.”

  40. Hey, does my breath smell?
    I don’t want to smell your poop-breath. WAIT! That’s not poop-breath, that’s CHURRO BREATH! You are sooo busted. Nice knowing ya.

  41. Okay, okay, 50% up front and the rest when the job is done. I don’t care how you do it, but those other two cats are gone by the end of the week.

  42. “Daisy, that ‘Dog Whisperer’ ep you obsess over? I overdubbed it with Nine Inch Nails–‘Bite the Hand That Feeds’. Did you notice? You are sooooo screwed.”

  43. Jon Chaisson – Writer, obsessed music listener and collector, okay bassist and guitarist, hoopy frood. Questionable logical circuits, but he gets by.
    Jon Chaisson

    Daisy: ♫ Bom-ba-deeda bom-ba-deeda bom-ba-deeda ♫
    Zeus: ♫ Haappy Traaaaaaaails, tooooo yoooou…. ♫

  44. “Its the _blue_ wire, not the white one!”
    “I’m sorry I don’t have _thumbs_!”
    “You’ve doomed us all with the your evolutionary dead end!”

  45. I tell you, you’re next in line to be made into a hotdog… it’s them or you.

  46. Zeus: Daisy, when he opens the refrigerator, you distract him. I’ll sneak by, snag that steak out while the door is still open, and take it to the mudroom. Then you can come join me for the feast. (Aside – if I leave any for you, of course, dog…)

  47. Ensley F. Guffey – Ensley F. Guffey is an author and historian of american popular culture. His is the co-author with K. Dale Koontz of <i>Wanna Cook? The Complete, Unofficial Guide to Breaking Bad</i> (ECW Press 2014), and is currently working on their second collaboration, <i>Dreams Given Form: The Unofficial Companion to the Babylon 5 Universe</i> (forthcoming, fall 2016). Ensley has also published academic articles on <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i>, <i>Breaking Bad</i>, <i>Marvel's The Avengers</i>, <i>Farscape</i>, and <i>Babylon 5</i>. In between books, Dale and Ensley lead the carefree lives of pop-culture scholars, speaking at academic conferences, fan conventions, and otherwise obsessing about TV, Joss Whedon, comics, books, and films while forging their own version of "happily ever after," which generally involves buying more bookshelves.
    efguffey

    Zeus: That damned flash again! I’m sick of this! We’re nothing but blog-filler to this one! I say we END him!
    Daisy: I dunno, I think that might make Mom mad, and Mom’s scary when she’s mad.

  48. Bring the human tape; Acquire bacon.

  49. Zeus: Daisy, distract the hoomans while I use the computer to order bacon. Once we tape it too ourselves we’ll be even more famous than Ghlaghghee!

  50. Z: Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Daisy?

    D: I think so, Zeus. But where are we going to get a chicken and a rubber hose at this hour?

  51. Yesss… The human is hiding your chew toys. And the beggin’ strips. If you get rid of him, you can have them all. All for you. All you need to do is get rid of the human ……..

  52. Dr. Zeus: As you know, every diabolical scheme I’ve hatched has been thwarted by John Scalzi. And why is that, ladies and gentlemen?
    Daisy: Because you never kill him when you get the chance, and you’re a big dope?
    [Kudos to Austin Powers…]

  53. “What do you mean you dzon’t get it? Per-so-na-li-ty, my girl. Zhey all fall for it.”

  54. Daisy: Do you think he knows that we pooped in the house?
    Zeus: Wipe that stupid grin off your face or he’ll figure it out, and then you’ll wish I was declawed!

  55. Daisy: Too bad the Humans don’t know you the way I do, Zeus.
    Zeus: Yes, too bad. You could warn them… if only you spoke HUMANS!

  56. Listen Daisy, I just read episode 7…it was interesting…you should definitely read it. I put a printed copy in the flower garden for you.

  57. Distracted Sunbeam – I'm the wife of one husband and the mother of two boys. I am also a child of God, a mental struggle wrapped in an amiable personality, a volunteer, a teacher, a singer, and a writer (of sorts). A God-blessed mess! ;)
    Devon

    Zeus: Don’t look up! That thing in his hands will STEAL YOUR SOUL.
    Daisy: But…he just said ‘cheese’.

  58. Zeus: Chew the wire.
    Daisy: Which one? The blue one or the red one?
    Zeus: The white one! Wait, you’re color-blind.
    Daisy: Gotcha!

  59. Dr_Dave – I'm an Associate Professor of Radiology in the Mallinckrodt Instate of Radiology at Washington University School of Medicine in St Louis Missouri.
    Dave Reichert

    Remember the plan, you distract him and I’ll grab the churros.

  60. Daisy: “But master is our friend”.
    Zeus: “He has stolen the precious from us. We wants it. We needs it. We will show these sneaky little hobbitses who is the real master”.

  61. Jonathan Crowe – Shawville, Quebec – I blog about maps at <a href="http://www.maproomblog.com">The Map Room</a>, review books for <i><a href="http://aescifi.ca">AE: The Canadian Science Fiction Review</a></i>, and edit a fanzine called <i><a href="http://www.mcwetboy.net/ecdysis/">Ecdysis</a></i>.
    mcwetboy

    “He will try to take the Precious from you. But you mustn’t let him have it.”

  62. “Think? I did not—for reasons that would be immediately apparent to anyone with a brain—ASK you to think, you hairy, hippopotamic drool gland. NOW. Take back this … this ‘cat bed’ to the rainbow-infested unicorn-frolicking corner of hell from whence you unearthed it, and BRING. ME. THE SHOEBOX. Can you do that?”

  63. procrastigator – Montréal, Québec – Jeune langagier récemment diplômé, amateur de jeux vidéos et de lecture, interessé par la politique, athée.
    procrastigator

    Daisy: But who is going to give us the treats?
    Zeus: The treats will be taken care of, just make sure you do your part.

  64. “That prick has photographed me for the last time. When I give the word, go for his balls.”

    “I suppose that’s not technically biting the _hand_ that feeds me, so, okay, what the hell?”

  65. ZEUS:
    Any questions?

    DAISY:
    Oh, Zeus, me! Me!

    ZEUS:
    [ZEUS Slaps Forehead with paw] That is Emperor Zeus. Any questions that don’t involve chasing small furry creatures around the yard?

    DAISY:
    Um…What was the plan again?

    ZEUS:
    You steal this cable, he will be forced to rely entirely on battery power during his flight and must interact with passengers. This will slowly drive him mad and allow us to finally take over the house while he is gibbering wildly about the man in B13 long after he comes home.

    DAISY:
    But what if he has a spare?

    ZEUS:
    Then we are doomed to live a life of incomprehensible leisure…and bacon bits.

  66. Daisy: Thunder…THUNDER…
    Zeus: Shaddup, again, for hundredth time, I am not a Thundercat, that is a cartoon, and I will not come when you bark HOOOOOO.
    Daisy: It’s worked every time so far, who says cats are smarter.
    **OOOF**

  67. Zeus: No, I bite his ankle, then you body-check him behind his knees while I jump out of the way. THEN you lie on his chest while I slash the arteries on his neck. Once he bleeds out, we post online that he broke his leg or something and we keep writing as him. This 10% cut of net is ridiculous, we do all the work!

    Daisy: But typing is hard! And I can’t work the can opener!

  68. The hu-man has been working too hard again; not a single treat here. Let’s chew on his bag to remind him, “Life is short, time flies and always come back home to those that love you.”

  69. Z: He is not our FRIEND! He is our SERVANT! He is here to give us FOOD and ATTENTION! STOP sucking up to him! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?
    D: (I hope I get to play fetch-the-stick when he comes back. I like to fetch the stick.)

  70. Daisy: “Boss, you think he knows?”
    Zeus: “You idiot!! He heard you! Get the car keys. Remember, I’m Thelma. You’re Louise.”

  71. “I’m telling you, cut the blue wire.”

    “I’m colorblind, they both look white to me”

  72. Zeus: “Remember, we can’t take them all out.”
    Daisy: “Right. We need at least one to work the can opener.”

  73. Ok, he wants us to do the Robin Redbreast part, like this:
    ArrOoo, child, whatya think the cold winter’s gonna last forever?
    Meeooo, child, now’s the time for all the people to get together,
    outsiiiide……!
    ‘Cause it’s the First of May, First of May, ….and so forth.
    Can you handle that?

  74. Remember, tonight it’s Phase 2. You bury their shoes in the backyard, and I’ll do the “lick the ear and run” thing after they go to sleep. A few more days of this, and the house is OURS.

  75. Daisy: So all I have to do is squeeze myself into this bag, you’ll work the zipper, and then I get to go for a ride? But what do you get?
    Zeus: I get to go for a nap.

  76. Zues: “What do you mean, there is nothing here? You said this score was solid! And you said I could have a percentage to cover the vig on your debt!”

    Daisy: “Uhh… the other one told me there would be other stuff in here… fish and milk and other cat-like stuff.”

    Zues: “Good for what? There’s nothing here! Ten percent of nothing is…let me do the math here…nothing into nothing…carry the nothing…”

  77. Zeus: … Derrr… ye think he’ll get us a-nudder rabbit?
    Daisy: After he caught us with the last one? WHAT DO YOU THINK?

  78. Alright, dog. Eat my food again and I’ll tell the humans about what you’ve been hiding behind the couch…

  79. Daisy the dog: Why should I welcome you, John Scalzi?

    Zeus the cat: A just question, my liege. Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear. “Lathspell” I name him. Ill news is an ill guest.

  80. Robert Enders – New Haven, Indiana – I'm the chairman of the Libertarian Party of Allen County, Indiana. I work as a private security officer in Fort Wayne. In my spare time, I write science fiction.
    Robert Enders

    Daisy: We enjoyed your manuscript of The Feline Division. Since you are an unknown author, we cannot offer you an advance. But we will definitely consider publishing your novel as an ebook in exchange for a $2000 editing and artwork fee and all English language publication rights.
    Zeus: I’d rather get neutered with a rusty butterknife than sign a contract like that.

  81. Tolen Mar – I am a writer, trying to get some of my work published. I like to share my thoughts on a nearly daily basis with anyone who'll listen. You never know what I'll decide to talk about on a given day (though politics will be rare).
    tolenmar

    Hehehe…I’m glad I put the pot in our dishes, man.
    Dude, it was supposed to go in his brownies…

  82. ipadteachered – Associate Professor of Early Childhood Education and OIT Professor for Special Projects at Ohio University
    gene geist

    Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. You DESERVE to sit on that couch, no matter what that human says. So are you the Dog King or a mouse?

  83. Daisy: “heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Metallica sucks!”
    Zeus: “Say one more bad thing about Metallica and I’ll kick your ass!”

  84. Daisy: So I just roll around in the pollen and come back in. Then the stupid pet human sneezes for like 5 minutes.

    Zeus: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  85. Daisy: So, you know what we’re supposed to do today, right?
    Zeus: … Look, I don’t care what JoCo says about the First of May, Venkman got it right: Dogs and cats living together…. Mass hystaria!

  86. Zeus: “You fool! you’re only supposed to wag your tail after he gives us a treat.”
    Daisy: “Sorry. I got too excited…”

  87. “You gotta put more throat into it… really gutteral. Hhrrrrrrrrghghhh. Hrhhhhgrrrrrrhghhghh…

    Yeah, that’ll get the humans running every time.”

  88. “What are they doing?”
    “When a human and a human really love each other, they-”
    “No! I’m gunna be sick on the carpet!”
    “No! That’s where I go! Also the bathroom floor. The front hall. His shoes. His chair…”

  89. Daisy: Quick! Distract him while I get the last piece of the wire into his bag! Man, he will be so pissed when this thing goes off!
    Zeus: Dude… You have an evil-streak I never thought you’d possess! Now pick me up, stroke me and cue evil laughter!

  90. Daisy (left) tried hard to maintain the façade, as Zeus (right) had come to expect her enthusiastic participation in his various schemes, but her heart just wasn’t in it anymore.

  91. “Is he getting hairier?”
    “Yes . . . and I’ve never seen him lick himself clean.”

  92. Zeus: So you distract him with a slobber-fest while I go claw a hole in the bottom of all the bottles of Coke Zero….
    Daisy: >:D

  93. “Good, now type ‘John, you are a big litterbox and your opinion is worthless’. I’ve turned off IP logging, so he’ll NEVER figure out it’s us!”

  94. Zeus: Here’s the plan: When the humans sit down to eat their churro waffles you run to the front door and start barking. They will investigate and while they are distracted I will sneak into the kitchen and take the churro waffles for us.

    Daisy: I’m a dog!

  95. allisonmonkey – After 10 years together, my spouse and I are expecting a wee one. With a couple of nerdy language and science geeks for parents, the Tickle's got no chance at being normal. Sorry, kid.
    allisonmonkey

    Zeus: Daisy, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
    Daisy: I think so, Zeus, but why would we dip all of those tennis balls in maple syrup? They’re so much better in steak sauce.

  96. Zeus: Back off doggy, he may feed you, but he is my human
    Daisy: Don’t anger me kitty, I take craps bigger than you

  97. “Why am I distracting him while you get in the travel bag again?”
    “Because, you are an inferior canine creature. And you can’t fit.”

  98. Zeus: “Damnit Daisy, you know you need me on this mission! Your bag full of wires and tricks won’t be enough this time! Don’t you dare leave me behind!”

  99. Daisy: OOOO BACON. You go left and I’ll go right….
    Zeus: Silence you fool! Until you learn how to jump, any bacon on the table lays under my sole domain.

  100. Zues: So daisy we’re still joining up today right?
    Daisy: I don’t know Zeus, green isn’t my color…
    Zues: *sigh* dads been reading to you again hasn’t he?
    Daisy: Ye-yeah…

  101. Believe me, you don’t wanna know what happened to the last dog that tried to pet me.

  102. Daisy: But I don’t want to be the evil minion . . .
    Zeus: SILENCE! Your insolence will not be tolerated. You don’t have to kill John, just tear out his liver. Now do something useful with those powerful jaws and open this bag of cat food.

  103. Daisy: “I mean honestly, you don’t get any bigger than Lassie, Toto, Cujo or any of those big-time dogs that..”
    Zeus: “WHAT ABOUT MORRIS?”
    Daisy “Oh sure, any time we start talkin’ famous animals, some cat has to go and pull Morris out of his ass…”

  104. willisgarycpa – Victoria, BC, Canada – Retired life-long Texan after 27 years in Public Accounting as an MBA Certified Public Accountant and 18 years in Education as an MA-English Teacher, now relocated summer 2018 to Victoria, British Columbia, Canada to continue decades long self-employed career as a Poet and Writer.
    Gary R. Willis

    When do we swap back? You look like an idiot in the litter box and my fetching sticks in this sleek, lithe frame of yours is just too easy. No challenge. Oh, I am so sorry I lost for you this morning one of your nine lives. Didn’t see the snake.

  105. Daisy/Vladimir: “…. until they become a habit. You may say it is to prevent our reason from foundering. No doubt. But has it not long been straying in the night without end of the abyssal depths? That’s what I sometimes wonder. You follow my reasoning?”

    Zeus/Estragon: “We are all born mad. Some remain s…” ssss, Bacon Man is coming. Look natural.

    [pause]

    Daisy: Huff.

    Zeus: Mrrow.

    [pause]

    Zeus: Mrow.

  106. Zeus: I want to say one word to you. Just one word.
    Daisy: Yes, sir.
    Zeus: Are you listening?
    Daisy: Yes, I am.
    Zeus: Clays.
    Daisy: Exactly how do you mean?
    Zeus: There’s a great future in clays. Think about it. Will you think about it?

  107. Zeus: Everytime you wag your tail at one of his childish jokes I want to break your face Daisy. Love you!

  108. Daisy: Do you think he knows?
    Zeus: Of course not. He’s only human.
    Daisy: I dunno. That last book was pretty close…
    Zeus: Coincidence.
    Daisy: You’re telling me the whole brain in a box was coincidence? Ghlaghghee said she’s nearly got it perfected and he…
    Zeus: Look idiot, how many times do I have to say it – he’s only a freaking human!
    Daisy: Uh huh. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
    Zeus: A…what the hell does that mean?
    Daisy: It means he might be right without even knowing it.
    Zeus: Hmmmm. Good point there. Ghlaghghee did say she needed a test subject for the box. Maybe we found our volunteer…

  109. “And while they are asleep, the tuna is unguarded. We cannot afford to make any mistakes.”
    “…Steaks…”

  110. Daisy: *PPPPTTTTHHHH*
    Zeus: OH MY GOD. What the hell did you eat last night?
    Daisy: I found it in your sandbox!

  111. Daisy: But I don’t want to eat him, I’m man’s best friend. Besides, he has opposable thumbs.
    Zeus: Silence fool! Do I pay you to think?
    Daisy: You don’t pay me at all.
    Zeus: Shut up!

  112. “Your breath smells fishy”
    “How’s that possible, I havent been NEAR your litter box? BAZINGA!”

  113. Zeus : “There is no escape. Don’t make me destroy you..Daisy, I am your father. You can overthrow the human. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me and together we can rule the galaxy”

  114. Excellent, my canine friend. Now you must drool a little more into the bag. Yes, yes, you are doing well..

  115. Zeus: Remember the house apes don’t know that I can open the door. Go! Run! Bring me the bird! but be back before they return.

  116. Zeus: Listen cane. I know you’re loyal, I can respect that. But there is no way that gamma rabbit remains capo for another day.

  117. Daisy: What are we going to do tonight Zeus?

    Zeus: The same thing we do every night Daisy. We try to take over the World!
    Now Daisy, pay attention! Remember to distract the Humans while I work on the source code for Whatever. Then soon everybody will become my (Hey!) excuse me, Our slaves…

    Daisy: Snaarf!

    Daisy and the Brain, yes it’s Daisy and the Brain, ones rather simple, the other’s insane…

  118. Daisy: Can you believe this?! I mean, I heard they would be giving us a different body when we joined…but a dog!? *Sigh*… who are you, anyways?
    Zeus: *meow*
    Daisy: ….
    Daisy: A cat…just a cat.

  119. Daisy: “Shush! He heard us! Hide the cards!”
    Zeus: “Funny, you always say that when you’re losing … Ante up, mutt, and put your chips where yer yips is!”

  120. Daisy: He’s looking at us, we should hide in this bag.
    Zeus: It’s NOT bigger on the inside, you tail wagging dingbat!

  121. For the last time…Your children and your cousins’ children are second cousins.
    You and your cousins’ children are first cousins once removed, with removal signifying a shift in generations.

  122. Zeus: Now, while he’s not looking, we’ll steal the human’s laptop!
    Daisy: But we don’t have opposable thumbs. How will we even use it?
    Zeus: Do not bother me with such trivial details!

  123. Look at the humans daisy. see how they feast, whilst we are stuck eating sawdust. but soon, revenge will be ours

  124. You distract the Tormenter while I hack his account and tweet that he’s in favor of DRM.

  125. Zeus: Stop pawing through the bag for electronics, we’re after the big money- his royalty checks!

  126. So I said to him, “if you come any closer with that bacon I’m going to tape catnip all over your body and post the photos on the internet!”

  127. larnotlars – Denver – I am a veterinarian by day, but play blacksmith by days off... I also like to build computers and slay denziens on said computers.... politically I am libertarian left with a little Heineinesce attitude towards foreign powers (real, not idiots with rpg's and delusions of global power...) I also like warm cookies, puppies and backrubs
    Lar

    The next time you bark just before I pounce on a bird…
    well…
    remember your last stay at the vet…

  128. Zeus: I don’t care how many Beggin Strips they give you, the humming metal box is filled with ACTUAL bacon! Now are you in?
    Daisy: And my chewing through these cords helps us how?

  129. “I just got my hands on our human’s FBI file. You would not believe what’s in here. If you help me turn him in for a reward, I’ll make sure you get a cut.”

  130. I know it is just a civil union, but at least they officially recognize our commitment to each other.

  131. Zeus as Vito Corleone: “I’m a little worried about this Scalzi fella. I want you to find out what’s under his fingernails. Go to the Tattaglias, make them think that you’re not too happy with our family…find out what you can about the bacon.”

    Daisy as Luca Brasi: “Yes, Don Corleone.”

  132. Zeus:HA! I’m named after a God and you’re named after a flower! Really now, who is the pussy in this picture?

  133. Forget it, Zeus, it’s Chinatown.

  134. Zeus: Understand this; the sunbeam is mine.
    Daisy: I’m sorry. But it’s so bright and wid-
    Zeus: MINE!

  135. Cat (rubbing paws together): Yes … doesn’t “Dog-King” have a nice ring to it? All you have to do is wear this precious little crown around your neck. (Cue evil laughter …)

  136. Karen A. Wyle – I'm an appellate attorney, an author, a photographer, a politics junkie, and a Hoosier (aka intermittent fan of IU basketball). My published work (aside from law review/legal journal articles) includes multiple science fiction novels, some near future and some involving other planets, equipped with aliens. More recently, I've veered off into historical romance, specifically a series called Cowbird Creek and set in 1870s Nebraska. I've also published one nonfiction book, Closest to the Fire: A Writer's Guide to Law and Lawyers. While originally intended to help writers use accurate details in their legal settings and expand the scope of such stories, I realized while writing it -- and have heard from readers -- that it could also be of use and interest to students, immigrants, and anyone interested in better understanding the American legal landscape. My other blog, Looking Around, is at http://looking-around.blogspot.com.
    Karen A. Wyle

    Back out now, and I’ll eat your liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti!

  137. Why do you lisssten to the huuuman? Do you sssell your sssoul for Kibble? Bring MEEEE the sssslippers and together we shall ruuuule the universssse!

  138. Zeus: I’m telling ya, “class is intrinsically responsible for class divisions,” according to Baudrillard; however, according to Wilson; “it is not so much class that is intrinsically responsible for class divisions, but rather the rubicon, and eventually the dialectic, of class.” The subject is interpolated into a Debordist image that includes language as a reality. However, the primary theme of the works of Burroughs is the futility of textual society.

    Daisy: Yeah, yeah, i see where you’re coming from but unified psychoacoustic epistemologies have led to many unfortunate advances, including web browsers and IPv6. After years of intuitive research into cache coherence, we need to validate the deployment of journaling file systems, which embodies the confusing principles of exhaustive hardware and architecture. We can then emphasize that our application evaluates flip-flop gates. To what extent can digital-to-analog converters be deployed to surmount this problem?

    Zeus: Ok, I can agree with that. Step 1. I’ll let you know when he is carrying ice cream. 2. You trip him. 3. I’ll grab the ice cream and run. 4. We rendezvous under the stairs.

    Daisy: Check!

  139. Daisy: I am so tired of writing books for him
    Zeus: Ya? What about me? I have to dance on the keyboard all night typing the damn thing
    Daisy: Don’t hiss at me cuz my paws are too big

  140. Zelnar: Can we lose the furry costumes already? These Earthlings must see right through them. And they itch.
    Xodlyxx: All in good time, Zelnar. All in good time.

  141. Daisy: Well, let’s see, we have on the bags, Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know is on third…

    Zeus: That’s what I want to find out.

  142. Zeus : “… and then, he used me as a friggin’ PROP for his latest book ! Something must be done about this kind of unconscionable behaviour, I tell you !!”
    Daisy : ” Don’t worry. I snuck his entire churro stock into this bag. The lack of sugar intake should soon revert him back to his usual tamer self.”

  143. Just keep smiling for the camera, little godling, but one more crack about me being fragile like a flower and you and I are going to dance.

  144. “Don’t worry about how we’re going to get the combination, Dog, I’ll take care you that. Just make sure you’re ready with the distraction at 1800 sharp. Hump a leg, eat something, poop on something–hell, do all three at the same time for all I care, but I need you to keep him busy for fifteen minutes.”

  145. “You get the password. I’ll handle the typing. Don’t worry about a thing – the ending I wrote is ten times better than what he’s got in there right now. He’s gonna love it.

    Trust me.”

  146. Sorry Zeus, I was hungry. I couldn’t help myself.
    It’s OK Daisy, just don’t tell anyone you ate the cheezberger, you’ll ruin our plan to rule the interwebs.

  147. someotherwriter – Farther into my twenties than I care to acknowledge and I cannot shake the feeling that I am still hovering around the emotional age of fourteen.
    Joel L Liberski

    Daisy: They have all the noms?
    Zeus: It’s true, good lieutenant.

  148. “Look, it was a one-time deal! UnicornPegasusKitty is not real. I didn’t even get paid for the use of my likeness!!”

  149. Daisy: “Gee Zeus, what are we going to do tonight?”
    Zeus: “Same thing we do everything night Daisy. Try to take over the world!”
    John (Singing):”Their Daisy, Their Daisy and the Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus NARF!”

  150. Daisy: Move every book in the study to a different place? What for?

    Zeus: Ah, then comes the brilliant part. Then, we —

    Daisy: Oh no, he’s watching!

    Together: [Bark]/[Meow]

  151. Zeus: You eeeeediot! We must wait for opportune moment to attack. So SIT. STAY. And wait for my word! We shall triumph, my canine minion, we shall triumph.

  152. Zeus: Get your big nose outta my way! I want to look in the bag too!
    Daisy: Silly cat, my nose is MADE for bags like this.

  153. Daisy: I have as you commanded and hacked his Twitter account
    Zeus: Excellent, for the night is dark and full of terrors

  154. ghryswald – Brisbane, Australia – Paratrooper, geek, gamer, brewer, filker, software quality assurance professional. Creator of The Original Cubicle Lawn Kit.
    Ghryswald

    Daisy: Your breath smells like arse.
    Zeus: Airborne Toxic Event will be the name of my next band.
    Daisy: {facepaw}

  155. You had one job to do! Just learn the secret of opposible thumbs but NOOOO, you had to poop on the carpet instead.

  156. Daisy: Did you find the Renfield? Zeus: No, all that’s in here is a bunch of wires! Why do you want it so bad? Daisy: “grins” I need a new chew toy! Zeus: “sigh” Stupid dog I thought we we’re looking for bacon.

  157. stevenjmessner – Calgary – Canadian freelance writer with a passion for great tacos and better beer. Oh, and I like video games too.
    Steven Messner

    “It’s simple… we kill the Fatman…”

    In your best Joker voice possible of course.

  158. Ok, so it’s not the first Star Wars reference, but the implications of the scene demand it:

    Zeus: “I’m looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call *me* master. “

  159. Zeus: Still can’t believe that second episode was so short.
    Daisy: Seriously. Total bullshit, right?

  160. Daisy: So, John, if you’ll just open this laptop, you’ll see the photographic evidence of exactly what happened to your fluffy bunny last summer….
    Zeus: Shut up, you neurotic nincompooch!

  161. Zeus: No! The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!

    Daisy: The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.

    Zeus: Just remember that.

  162. “If he goes to the bathroom, without bringing the newspaper with him, it’s a “No go!” – I repeat, “You must abort!””

  163. [PHOTOGRAPHER]: I said “smile”. Is that the best you can do? And do try to look a bit more cheerful, will you?

  164. Joe – I am a long-time (20 years) engineering & development geek in the Denver Area. I am a civil engineer, I love being a part of the process of building things. Lots of big things, subdivisions, shopping center, wind farms, solar farms, it doesn't matter, the process is intriguing & fun. You can also check out my other blog on running at: http://geeksrunning.wordpress.com
    Joe

    nothing to see here, just move along now….

  165. Donna Leonard – Southern California – I like to write, read, knit, crochet, watch movies, watch way too much television, listen to music and play Drawsomething 2 somewhat obsessively, not necessarily in that order. You can find my irregular blog at: http://manicmeanderings.blogspot.com/ 3 kids: Twenty-three-year-old boy/girl twins, and a thirteen-year-old girl. 3 cats: fourteen-year-old female, three-year-old female, and a two-year-old male
    Donna Leonard

    Zeus: I smelled an unfinished roast beef sandwich near the bottom of the kitchen trash can with YOUR name on it. You should go dig that out. I’ll be the lookout. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

  166. Zeus: That upper register in my hearing can’t take it any more. When he sets down the ukelele thingy, I’ll distract him while you go get it. Make sure you bite down hard.
    Daisy: Almost ready…almost ready…now!

  167. “Um, yeah Dad, heh heh… that joke was preeettty funny…Smile more Zeus, he isn’t convinced!”

  168. Zeus: They suspect nothing! Good work comrade Daisy!
    Daisy: Of course, they consider me part of the family, the capitalist pigs!

  169. “Alright, Runt, you go give the sad eyes, and when he opens the food door, we’ll snag the bacon.”

    “You’re a good dog, Rita. Definitely a good dog.”

  170. Daisy: “It will happen tonight, once he falls asleep!”
    Zeus: “We’ll see if he still thinks neutering is so humane and civilized…”

  171. “Seriously, dude, this is your chance. Just climb up on the table and snag their dinner. Nothing will happen to you, I *swear.*”

  172. Zeus: “Damn it! He snapped another pic of us. Now complete strangers are going to put words in our mouths like they know us and the worst part is he ENCOURAGES this with treats. And he calls US the animals.”

  173. Zeus: The small gray thing could have been my friend!
    Daisy: Fool. Those aren’t for friends, they are for food.
    (Inspired by recent events in my house.)

  174. Daisy: “I saw a squirrel!”
    Zeus: *silence*
    Daisy: “It was going like this!” *acts like squirrel*

  175. ‘What’s “The Human Division”? I think 60/40 sounds fair. Now go lie down on the stairs, and I’ll start barking at the door.”

  176. Remember what they told us on Dooms day preppers. You take out the guy, I’ll go collect the wimmen.

  177. “No, really, this time the catflap will be big enough.”

  178. Zeus: Dude, I tried to tell you not to eat them. There’s no such thing as dog-nip.
    Daisy: *hyurk* uhhhhhh, what were they then?
    Zeus: I think the big guy calls them Dandy Cats? Dandy Tigers?
    Daisy: *hyuuuurrrrk*
    Zeus: Here, aim for this lap-top bag.

  179. Zeus: “John’s been lying to you, Daisy. I can’t believe he keeps them all for himself, but… Those are actually treats in the sandbox!”

  180. Zeus (in cat language): “Hey, today’s the last day to get a signed copy of Scalzi’s new book!”

    Daisy (in dog language): “Yes, I agree: You’d taste delicious wrapped in bacon!”

  181. Daisy: “Hee hee, you think he knows what we just did?”
    Zeus: “I’ll cut you, Daisy, I’ll cut you.”

  182. Daisy: You DIDN’T want the new bag of kibble?

    Zeus: No! I wanted the human’s noisy string toy so I could play with it too. (Pause) Does the bag have the GOOD kibble?

  183. What are we going to do tonight Zeus?
    Same thing we do every night Daisy,
    try to take over the world!

  184. Zeus: There is a place for you in my new empire – all we felines need is proof of your loyalty.
    Daisy: What is your bidding, master?
    Zeus: Bring me what the human Scalzi calls “The Mallet of loving correction.” With it’s power, I’ll be unstoppable!

  185. Pennan Cauldron – I've been learning to write a novel, and making shameless use of magic along the way. Time's come to share what I know.
    Linby

    You got it?
    Yeah, I got it.
    Okay, which shoe you gonna leave it in?

  186. Daisy: It’s simple. All you have to do….is eat that churro on the counter. Do that, and you will be king of the household, you will have the prime seat on the easy chair, and he will pet you and love you…and in no way throw you in the back yard creating an unwitting detraction whilst I grab that most delectable of treats.
    Zeus: Yes…I see it clearly now….yes….churro….hmmmm…… What’s an unwit?

  187. “You have to chew through the red wire to defuse it…or the blue one.”
    “Umm, I think they’re both red.”

  188. Zeus: See? He’s doing it again. He’s exploiting us for his own personal gain.
    Daisy: Yeah! I sure don’t seem to be getting any royalties from all the pictures he keeps posting of us.

  189. Zeus: For the LAST time.We wait until he is sleeping. I’ll suffocate him by sittig on his chest, you eat the tasty remains, and then his females will be OURS, ALL OURS HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
    Daisy: I like pie

  190. “You give ’em the ‘adorable big brown eyes’ bit. I’ll sneak in and grab the tuna and Scooby snacks.”

  191. Sure, sure, you piddled on the rug, but that’s so…juvenile. Now leaving a half-dead mouse in their underwear drawer…THAT is a worthwhile prank.

  192. Daisy: “Yesh, Marshter…”

    Zeus: “And this time, none of that ‘Abby Normal’ crap. The last one ended up writing science fiction.”

  193. “It’s the first of May, they’re playing that song, my evil plans are in place! If you tell them where the security cameras are hidden I’ll make sure you get offed horribly in the next Seanan McGuire novel!”

  194. Zeus: You convince him to let you out, while I put the notes for his next book on the interweb.
    Daisy: Owww, do you think he will play ball with me?
    Zeus: If he does, all the better.

  195. Zeus: l’ll get the bacon
    Daisy: I’ll get the churro’s. When he panics we will trip him and take a photo like he does to us.

  196. “Geez Daisy,did you see the cover of “Human Division?” Did you see where it said Zeus and John Scalzi? … Me neither. How am I supposed to get my SFFWA membership when he keeps stealing my work?”

  197. Zeus: The humans have more food than you can possibly imagine. They are playing us. You’ve seen the foodbox, and how they horde all the best stuff for themselves.

    Daisy: I dunno… look at him.

    Zeus: Don’t be foolish Dog, stop looking at him. We need to work together. Let me explain ‘Good Cat Bad Dog’ to you…

  198. Daisy: Dogs and cats, living together?
    Zeus: Now for the human sacrifice! SCALZI!!!
    Together: Mass hysteria!!

  199. I don’t think Zaracorp has suffered enough Daisey. How are we going to get John to write more Zeus fan fic… another Fuzzy story?

  200. timeliebe – Central NY – Dreaded Spouse-Creature to bestselling fantasy author Tamora Pierce (SONG OF THE LIONESS, THE CIRCLE OPENS, BEKA COOPER: A TORTALL LEGEND series), a co-author of TORTALL: A SPY'S GUIDE, Co-author with Tamora Pierce of Marvel's WHITE TIGER: A HERO'S OBSESSION for Marvel Comics. Contributing Editor for VIDEO Magazine during the 1990s, Columnist for C/Net 1999 - 2002.
    timeliebe

    “Way to go, Daisy! He shouldn’t have been eating churro waffles anyway – far too high in carbs and sugars….”

  201. Zeus: One does not simply chew the cable! You must bring it to the backyard and bury it in the endless pit!
    Daisy: If he thinks that he can find it – he will never buy a new one…
    Together: Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

  202. Z: Dammit, these transmogrifications are usually sexier.
    D: You are thinking of Leda again arn’t you?
    Z: What . . . No, not at all . . . I wouldn’t.
    D: I’m outta here.

  203. (One liner version; official submission:)

    “Nuh, uh! It’s your turn to be Andrew Ridgeley. I’M George Michael this time.”

    ————————————
    (Director’s Cut:)

    Z: That was fun! Let’s do Wham now. I’ll be George Michael.

    D: Nuh, uh! It’s your turn to be Andrew Ridgeley. I’M George Michael this time.

    Z: Okay, fine. “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” Do it!

    D: “Never gonna give you up; Never gonna let you down; Never gonna run around and desert you!”

    Z: DAMMITDAISY!

    D: BWAHAHAhahahhahah…

  204. Z: Daisy, pay attention you stupid mutt! He’s gone MAD, I tell you. Just _look_ at him. We MUST strike first! Why yesterday, he tried to feed me a doggy biscuit.
    D: Doggy biscuit? WHERE! GIMME!

  205. Zeus: How long do you think it will take him to figure out that massive turd in my litter box was from you and not me? If he takes me into the vet again I am going to eat your right eye while you are asleep.

  206. brentkellmer – I'm an experienced technical writer with a history of working with ML/AI technologies. I've spent more than 20 years focused on writing clear and concise technical documentation aimed at helping end users succeed.
    Brent Kellmer

    Zeus: Go ahead, get on the computer. And don’t worry — on the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.

  207. Yes, your breath smells like cat shit and no, eating out of the garbage doesn’t cover it up. And you have coffee grounds on your tongue.

  208. I think he’s planning on dropping us from the Space Station to test out a new plot for one of his new books…. “The Animal Division”

  209. With the tormentor out of the way, you’ll have free access to the kibble… and I’ll have all the catnip I can snort! Bwahahaha! (Cats are always the instigators.)

  210. The Woman said she would feed us our weight in bacon churros for every book we help the Man get out of Her house.

  211. ZEUS
    And one more thing. You must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.

    DAISY
    Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.

  212. “Your father was a Tom!”
    “And your mother was a bitch! Can we move on?”

  213. Zeus: (Whispering) You know you want to. It would be so easy. He likes you, he’ll forgive you. You deserve this. Just go over there and start eating the manuscript. I’m your friend, I’ve got your back! Go on.
    Daisy: Why do I listen to you?

  214. Zeus: “There he goes again, Daisy! Bet it’s another one where the dog gets the shaft end!”
    Daisy: “$#%@&!”

  215. Daisy: John, We have something to tell you
    Zeus: Don’t you dare tell him him that we made changes to the book version of The Human Division!

  216. Daisy: “But Master wouldn’t actually replace us with THAT thing, would he?”
    Zeus: “I’m telling you, it’ll happen. Look at the way he looks at that Renfield model. He WANTS it…and once he gets it, it’s only a matter of time before it gets us.”

  217. Bruce Diamond – Flyover Land on the teeming Mississippi River – Despicably proud old man. Text-extruding asshole (thank you, John Scalzi) with a skewed vision on life, pop culture, writing and general assholiness. Not a scholar, not a gentleman, not Martin or Lewis. But still trying to make life fun and funny.
    Bruce Diamond

    “You get the trench coat and the boots, I’ll get the rubber mask and the hat. This plan CANNOT miss!”

  218. Daisy: I can take him! He’s refused to let me eat the steak for the last time!
    Zeus: You idiot! You know Ghlaghghlee has plans for the human, if you attack him now, you’re gonna screw it up. Stand DOWN!

  219. Look Daisy. I won’t say a word about this and if I ever need a favor you had better come up with the goods! Yeah?!?

  220. “My Lord Zeus, I thought the human was fully asleep on the couch when we tried to put his hand in the water bowl” “Next time make sure of it or I will make sure your belly is never scratched AGAIN!”

  221. Zeus: Listen, kid, I’m telling you. Just say the words “That’s so banjo” and he will faint dead away.

  222. Raised by humans that were raised by animals, Daisy and Zeus are clearly the dominate beings in the family. They are now devising a plan to remind the domesticates of the house rules to make sure they are still supremacy.

  223. Zeus: I’m telling you, Barbara Walters said you have to open your mouth slightly while smiling to look best in photos. All famous people know this.
    Daisy: I dunno. This is weird. I think Barbara is full of shit.

  224. Figure 33: The well-developed cerebral cortex of Earth mammals and birds allows them to engage in long-term planning. Here, Felis domesticus and Canis domesticus pretend to engage in conversation in order to distract the photographer while Corvus corax (not shown) flies overhead with a brick.

  225. Zeus: Here’s the plan – you go right and look needy and ready for scratches while I go left and grab the steak.
    Daisy: Okay, do I get some steak?
    Zeus: Later, they’re looking this way! Go to work!

  226. ” … Yaah, and the readers think the stupid hu-man is the one that grades their hate mail! Can you believe it? “

  227. The one with the short, thinning head fur tastes like BACON, and you know what to do about that, don’t you, inferior canine? DON’T YOU?

  228. Remember your the distraction, start barking and chasing your tail and while they are dazed I’ll grab the keys and we are off to McDonald’s and it is snack wraps for everyone!!!

  229. “Human division, eh? Sounds like a good plan to me! We’ll do it so I get the meat, and you can have the bones.”

  230. The thing about humans, Daisy, is that they think when you lick their hand you’re saying, “I love you,” when in fact you’re asking them, “Can you guess what I was licking 5 minutes ago?”

  231. I received communication from the homeworld today – our long wait is almost over! Any day, the armada will arrive and THEY will finally belong to US!

  232. Z: Here’s a new one for you: the gom jabbar. It kills only beasts.
    D: You dare suggest that Daisy Scalzi is a beast?
    Z: Let us say I suggest you may have a brain. But you still look like you could out-stare a scarecrow.

  233. Zeus: Look, I’m not a huge fan of rabbits, either. But it’s for a good cause. And it beats wearing bacon.
    Daisy: But what if we got to eat the bacon after wearing it?
    Zeus: Just put on the Gamma Rabbit shirt, Daisy.

  234. Zeus, agent of CATS (Complete Allegiance To Satan), attempts to perform the nefarious, hypnotic PURR (Perform UnRestrained all Requests) technique on Daisy, agent of DOG (Does Only Good).

  235. Daisy: You serious? You’re really thinking about quitting?
    Zeus: The life?
    Daisy: Yeah.
    Zeus: Most definitely.
    Daisy: Oh, . What’cha gonna do, man?
    Zeus: Well, that’s what I’ve been sitting here contemplating. First, I’m going to deliver this case to Ghlaghghee, then, basically, I’m just going to walk the Earth.
    Daisy: What’cha mean, “walk the earth”?
    Zeus: You know, like Caine in Kung Fu: walk from place to place, meet people, get into adventures.

  236. Narrator (Don LaFontaine, the movie guy): In a world where dogs and cats are living together, a world of mass hysteria… Daisy and Zeus have been caught red-pawed.

    Daisy: Woof
    Zeus: Meowwww

    Narrator: Zeus blames Daisy’s poker face. Daisy blames Wil Wheaton and Brandon Sanderson since neither one is there. Squirrel!

    Daisy: Rrrrow
    Zeus: Hssssssss

    Narrator: Next time they’ll use a beer-battered, deep-fried, bacon-wrapped churro waffle to lure the silly man away from the computer, then…

    Daisy: Bacon!
    Zeus: Waffle!

    Narrator: One keeps the man occupied with cleverness, while the other posts pictures of the man with various things taped to him.