Posted on September 12, 2013 Posted by John Scalzi 54 Comments
This morning I wrote on Twitter:
Today’s subtweet: Dude, if you can’t even get your basic facts about me correct, what makes you think I would care what you think of me.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) September 12, 2013
To which Greg Pak created the following hashtag:
@scalzi "Scalzi, whose bright red pegleg serves as a cheerful reminder of his days in the merchant marines…" #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Greg Pak (@gregpak) September 12, 2013
Aaaaaand then we were off to the races. A curated selection of #UnFactCheckedScalzi tweets:
Though he tries to keep it under wraps, @scalzi is actually a platypus. #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Sarah Boyle (@speakboylese) September 12, 2013
@scalzi is from a dystopian future where marzipan rules the earth. He wrote his novels to prevent that future. #unfactcheckedscalzi
— J. Hamlet (@JayHamlet) September 12, 2013
@scalzi has the head of a lion, and the body of a slightly smaller lion. He's a weird-looking lion, is what I'm…yeah. #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Jack Thompson (@Thejackthompson) September 12, 2013
The @scalzi is the heat unit used to measure the exact burning temperature of the unchecked internet troll #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Anton Strout (@antonstrout) September 12, 2013
@scalzi instantly knows whenever his name is spoken aloud. Cumulative 1% chance of appearing & devouring the speaker. #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Dr. Nuncheon (@drnuncheon) September 12, 2013
Every part severed from John @scalzi just becomes another John Scalzi. #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Theo (@TheoLietaert) September 12, 2013
The best fiction from @scalzi was written by other writers who are then buried under on his ginormous lawn. #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) September 12, 2013
Every year, thousands of @scalzi return to their ancestral breeding ground to fight until a single pair remains #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Jack Newhouse (@Chirurgic) September 12, 2013
@scalzi doesn't actually mow his lawn. He grazes it. #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Ashe (@AsheEltonParker) September 12, 2013
They say @scalzi made the Kessel Run in eight parsecs. #unfactcheckedscalzi
— MikeBrendan (@MikeBrendan) September 12, 2013
You think you're reading this in @scalzi's voice. In fact, it's @wilw's. #uncheckedscalzifacts
— Peter Darby (@pete_darby) September 12, 2013
The red matter from Abrams' Star Trek reboot is concentrated @scalzi sarcasm. #unfactcheckedscalzi
— John W (@wickedsweetcake) September 12, 2013
These all seem reasonable. This one, however:
@scalzi is really a man who lives in Ohio and writes science fiction novels when not posting to Twitter #unfactcheckedscalzi
— Wayne Basta (@WayneBasta) September 12, 2013
Well. That’s just nonsense.
LOL; those are awesome.
Ya know, tweets like these remind me if why I don’t mind being lumped in with the Scalzi fan base ;)
Hmm, marzipan? That explains the main alien character in Agent To The Stars. Based on reality no doubt.
I like this lion hypothesis. Would explain why the cats defer to you.
Marzipan? I know for a fact that it’s yogurt.
Reading these gives a better start to the day than a balanced breakfast.
I see the marzipan -> yogurt comment has already been made… Well done.
What, nobody’s suggested yet that your tears can cure cancer – too bad you have never cried?
Guess Chuck Norris still has that on you….
So, help the poor Luddite: Was the dude who got your basic facts wrong also on Twitter? I’m missing a link here.
Lots of belly laughs reading this over breakfast on Twitter this morning. Fortunately, I didn’t spit up any oatmeal.
I’ve already thanked you on Twitter, but I also wanted to thank you here, John. Thank you for signed hardcover copy #608/1000 of The Mallet.
I’m already at page 153, and loving it. :)
So my husband comes in and says, there’s this whole Twitter thing today of silly unfactchecked Scalzi facts. I said, oh he probably started that himself. Does that count as an unfactchecked Scalzi fact? Or is it only on Twitter?
So when do you go up against Chuck Norris? It should be epic.
I think Kowal is on to something. Why do you really NEED a lawn bigger than most city blocks? And why else would you be willing to maintain it?
Anton’s tweet pwns all.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT KILL JFK, MR. SCALZI?????? I have photos documenting your presence at his assassination! Of course, the Ninth Doctor and Captain Kirk are in them as well, but…
Ellen, there’s a law in Ohio that any property transactions outside of municipal boundaries must occur in five acre increments.
I think you should really deal with that Basta guy. Defamation like that could be damaging and, you know, might be actionable.
Ellen, he doesn’t need his lawn. He KNEADS it. It’s kind of creepy, really.
Anton Strout: “The @scalzi is the heat unit used to measure the exact burning temperature of the unchecked internet troll #unfactcheckedscalzi”
The actual value of this unit desperately needs to be fact-checked. Repeatedly.
Although I was under the perhaps-mistaken impression that @scalzi is the per-square-inch impact of the Mallet of Loving Correction.
I can’t wait till #unfactcheckedscalzi has its own TV Tropes page…
These tweets made my morning. I really liked the peg leg idea.
Damn. You already had me looking up whether Gloria Gaynor got eaten by a bear. SUCH ARE THE POWERS OF YOUR WORDS, SCALZI.
Excellent! The tweet from Mary Robinette Kowal made me laugh aloud. Not that you have a ghost writer (or a ‘slew’ of dead ghost writers) or anything.
Most fitting that Wayne Basta(“Stop”) should be the last word.
@bearpaw I think we should start using the “scalzi” to measure the heat-radius of any troll, and, maybe… “sca-mal” for the other?
#unfactcheckedscalzi already has its own TV Tropes page. #unfactcheckedscalzi
I’m with A Different (and slightly confused) Daniel (and, in fact, I like to think of myself as being different, and I’m slightly confused): I’d be interested in learning more about what inspired this cavalcade of mirth, preferably without my having to exert any particular effort.
Is it just me or does this strike anyone else ‘writers have jobs where they sit by themselves with no one to talk to all day long and need some kind of distraction or they will go nuts’.
it has to get kind of lonely and isolating having a job where you are by yourself all day long.
I hear he gets up to 50k visitors to his blog daily #unfactcheckedscalzi
[Note: This is actually fact-checked and has been for years, which is something that people who accuse me of lying about this notation of mine always seem to conveniently forget everytime they bring it up, which is often, it appears. Also, Nate needs to up his game if he really wants to be a first-class troll. Sorry, Nate! Try harder! (Actually, don’t; I’ll just Mallet you) – JS]
Scalzi once taped bacon to a stegasaurus.
[Deleted because it’s off topic and Nate, as is common with the “he’s lying about his stats!” crowd, apparently doesn’t understand what the term “up to” means. Run along, Nate, and go be willfully obtuse elsewhere – JS]
[Deleted because still off topic, and Nate still doesn’t appear to understand what “up to” means, nor does he appear to have read the actual piece which discusses the site stats. In short: Lots of stupid in a small space. Also, Nate, you’ve been told to leave the thread. Leave it – JS]
[Nate, who is too stupid to take direction, and whose attempt to “factcheck” me is largely indistinguishable from my post about my site stats, is now in the moderation queue. How brave of him, however, to uncover the truth, which has been on the site for years. Go run and tell all your friends of your victory, Nate. No doubt they will be impressed – JS]
“The Marzipan Scalzi” is the name of my next Robert Ludlum knock-off.
Describes the amount of energy a troll gives off when burned by Scalzi?
Nate will take this back to RHDS’s site as a badge of honor, conveniently forgetting about the numerous times you didn’t “ban him for disagreeing with you”. But that’s what sycophants do.
Oh, no doubt.
But let’s not wander any further off topic, please.
It strikes me as a writer’s equivalent of idle doodling — something that’s easy and fun to do as a break from the hard stuff.
@ Mr. Scalzi: Maybe you should insert a “three-strikes-and-you’re-Kittened” policy?
@ Greg Leon Guerrero Most fitting that Wayne Basta(“Stop”) should be the last word.
Oh, but it wasn’t at all! It’s just the last one that Scalzi included in this post. The hashtag has been merrily hashing along all day, with surprisingly few repeats of the same jokes, except for the one about Reno.
The most recent items include:
“Every mention of @scalzi summons more churros from the deep abyss”
“And on the first day, God said, “let there be Light.” But there wasn’t. @scalzi stole all the light bulbs.”
“On moonless nights, @scalzi tears up the internet — no, the interSTATE — and eats the detour signs.” (This just caused Mary Robinette Kowal to get lost.)
You got it wrong, Greg… @scalzi once taped a stegasaurus, wrapped in bacon, to his cat! #unfactcheckedscalzi
@scalzi never taped bacon to his cat, but he talked about doing it, and people talked about him talking about doing it, so now everyone believes he actually did it.
“You got it wrong, Greg… @scalzi once taped a stegasaurus, wrapped in bacon, to his cat! #unfactcheckedscalzi
That was about the time tapes went out and CD’s came in.
“@scalzi never taped bacon to his cat, but he talked about doing it, and people talked about him talking about doing it, so now everyone believes he actually did it.”
There’s no proof either way because the tapes were erased…
@scalzi founder of the green man group.
I’m shocked. Shocked I say, that you don’t run your own life.
For the disgruntled who have achieved what?
Yay! I’m in a Whatever post!
@scalzi, @chucknorris, and @themostinterestingmanintheworld walked into a bar. The rest is epic.
Love the Platypus one :)
I suspect there is one dudebro sympathizer who’s gonna actually believe MRK’s — or would if she wasn’t a girl, of course.
Also, Ghlaghghee would never stand for having a stegosaurus taped to her.
Ghlaghghee? Stegosaurus? Clearly I have missed something.
The Mallet of Loving Correction is made from the bones of “Whatever” Trolls.
Your twitter feed crashed my phone, when I tried to follow the links, so
“Scalzi broke the internet.”
is now my official contribution.
I have unconfirmed reports that Mr. Scalzi is either a deity (called Scalzi, or Awesomeness, depending on whether one is talking about the human form or the personality/power of Mr. Scalzi) or, possibly, the character Hoid from Brandon Sanderson’s books. I’ve heard it both ways.
Reblogged this on Note To Self.