My Totally 22% – 50% Gay Adventure On Twitter Today

It went a little something like this.

First I discovered this site, which said the Internet thought I was 70% gay (albeit from only one vote). I said:

But then more people started voting!



And then, the needle on my gay level started going back up:




And then it happened:



And look, here’s David and Tilda now. Enjoy.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

55 replies on “My Totally 22% – 50% Gay Adventure On Twitter Today”

ok, so calling previous times you have told us about polls and all things voting that involves you it is very clear you wanted us to vote that you are 100% gay… DONE!

So if Tom Hiddleston shows up to give you a back rub, does that mean Natalie Portman shows up to give your wife one?

And how about Poor Kat Dennings? Who does she get? And is she still stuck in that ass sitcom where racist stereotypes and a horse in her kitchen are considered funny? (Don’t ask.)


Thank you very much, Mr. Scalzi, I just managed to spray a mouthful of excellent beer all over my laptop.

Of course, on the bright side, that’s the best laugh I’ve had all year, possibly all decade, so there’s that.

Love this. Tom Hiddleston, Martin Freeman–just add the 9th and 10th Doctors and Benedict Cumberbatch and you have the perfect gay evening.

Add Alice Krige if you want to go kinky bisexual. Mmmmm, Borg Queen in Borg-styled black dominatrix gear. Yes, I will let her assimilate me!

Thanks for the laugh, Mr. Scalzi.

@shaysdays: I don’t think Ms. Swinton has publicly identified one way or another. (Though I have seen people assume that she’s straight, based on her having two male partners.)

I had voted you at 10%, my reasoning being that a) you’re already married to a woman, but b) I figure you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t turn away their soulmate just because of which genitals they were currently in possession of (on their body, I mean. Not, like, in a jar).

is it kosher, yet, to say that I DON’T CARE about anyone’s sexuality but my own?

i never did understand why someone else’s sexuality [unless it happened to be a person i was interested in, and then only because i need to know if i *have a chance*] was ANYONE’S business.

but i do appreciate the continual Life Lessons on how to deal with asshats, Scalzi. i hope to SOMEDAY be able to handle people poking me with the same level of aplomb. i mostly just blink and say “huh?” when people try to “insult” me by saying i’m a lesbian, because it’s weird — what do i say? if i point out that no, i’m not, then i’m somehow implying that it’s bad or wrong for other people to be LGBT, but if i DON’T, then people think i actually am a lesbian [i’ve walked this road, and it’s gotten me slapped by otherwise nice girls who thought i was leading them on when i just thought they were being friendly. le sigh]

mocking the whole idea in general seems like a MUCH better tactic *G*

@uldihaa – Believe me, I’m ->| |<- this close to writing some RPF of Scalzi, Rothfuss, and Wheaton based on what I saw on Twitter. I've been restraining myself from doing so all night, in fact! (We'll see if my resolve holds.)

I realize that this is all supposed to be fun, because discussing a persons sexuality is always FUNNY, right?
I mean its FUNNY when you consider that gay and trans teens are five times more likely to attempt or commit suicide. Funny, right?
And it’s funny when you realize that in some parts of the world being gay can get you executed by the government. Also funny, right?
And being gay or lesbian is such a hoot really. Everybody loves the gays right? Right?
Try being one and then tell me how funny it all is.
If it’s so funny why do I have friends that have been killed for being gay or trans? As a lesbian, why do I have to put up with homophobic shit from straight people every day of my life? And some people being fired from a job because of being gay? Wow, what a hoot!

But yeah, deciding who’s gay or not is really funny…

I’m sorry John, but maybe to some of us, not so much.


Perhaps you are right. I may have unintentionally incorporated the black swan fallacy here, and for that I’m sorry. But my point remains and I have no doubt that you understand my point of view.

I respect you as a writer and blogger, and your stand on discrimination is without peer, and for that I applaud you.

At least I didn’t get the MoLC!

Apologies from a grumpy old woman who hasn’t had enough coffee this morning. (Or perhaps too much?)

Much Respect,

>Xopher Halftongue
>The asininity of random people on the web never ceases to amaze me.
You sound quite young. Don’t worry, you’ll get jaded, and will stop caring.

>is it kosher, yet, to say that I DON’T CARE about anyone’s sexuality but my own?
>i never did understand why someone else’s sexuality [unless it happened to be a person i was interested in, and then only because i need to know if i *have a chance*] was ANYONE’S business.

Aww, darn you to heck for the second paragraph because now I can’t correct you.
But anyway my pref is what it is.
I’m a guy who is occasionally attracted to a woman and who thinks that girls and boys are cute from such a distance that I can’t hear the “but I’ll DIE if you don’t buy me it!”

If “Gay pride” is meant to undo “it’s a sin and you will burn in hell and etc” than kudos, but I happen to have dishes to wash: more important things to care about than who stares longer at whom with the “Oh, Hello!” facial expression, or to plaster my face against a bedroom window.

I really must try to find out what “get bent” means, because I’ve upgraded my NYR to include not saying things that I don’t understand and I really want to tell some people to get bent and to get a job that is in line with what they brag/say about themselves.

Shawn, I’m twice three-waiting. Will I get jaded soon, or not until I’m three-filled?

The political term ‘proud’ means “certainly not ashamed.” You’ll get used to this eventually.

And ‘get bent’ means bent OVER. With the metaphoric meaning of that, which if you think about it is kind of homophobic.

Bill, Althea, Used to be Springsteen, once upon a time, too.

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