My Totally 22% – 50% Gay Adventure On Twitter Today

It went a little something like this.

First I discovered this site, which said the Internet thought I was 70% gay (albeit from only one vote). I said:

But then more people started voting!



And then, the needle on my gay level started going back up:




And then it happened:



And look, here’s David and Tilda now. Enjoy.

55 Comments on “My Totally 22% – 50% Gay Adventure On Twitter Today”

  1. I don’t like the fact that I was compelled to click through to the website so that I could figure out 1 vote got you to 70% gay. But that’s my problem, not yours.

  2. It looks like an ad views trolling site. And it’s a particularly pathetic example of one, which is saying something.

    Amusing tweets, though.

  3. I have had this problem. I mean, not with the Internet voting, but people determining how gay I am. I guess it’s fine by me.

  4. There will be fic of this, somewhere on the internets. If not, I will be severely disappointed in it’s denizens.

  5. I still need to know the dates so I can book the flights to witness this .. or document as required..All these people in one room is too good to leave alone..

  6. ok, so calling previous times you have told us about polls and all things voting that involves you it is very clear you wanted us to vote that you are 100% gay… DONE!

  7. timeliebe – Central NY – Dreaded Spouse-Creature to bestselling fantasy author Tamora Pierce (SONG OF THE LIONESS, THE CIRCLE OPENS, BEKA COOPER: A TORTALL LEGEND series), a co-author of TORTALL: A SPY'S GUIDE, Co-author with Tamora Pierce of Marvel's WHITE TIGER: A HERO'S OBSESSION for Marvel Comics. Contributing Editor for VIDEO Magazine during the 1990s, Columnist for C/Net 1999 - 2002.

    So if Tom Hiddleston shows up to give you a back rub, does that mean Natalie Portman shows up to give your wife one?

    And how about Poor Kat Dennings? Who does she get? And is she still stuck in that ass sitcom where racist stereotypes and a horse in her kitchen are considered funny? (Don’t ask.)

  8. Wow, I found a completely new thing to be upset about: I’m not famous enough for the Internet to think I’m gay.

  9. kalisalessnau – I am an author, baker of delicious treats, and a big fan of this Internet thing. I think it'll really catch on in a few years, don't you?

    It’s like a sexual stock ticker, and we’re in a bear market.


  10. Tthhhhhbbbbbbttttttttt……..

    Thank you very much, Mr. Scalzi, I just managed to spray a mouthful of excellent beer all over my laptop.

    Of course, on the bright side, that’s the best laugh I’ve had all year, possibly all decade, so there’s that.

  11. Love this. Tom Hiddleston, Martin Freeman–just add the 9th and 10th Doctors and Benedict Cumberbatch and you have the perfect gay evening.

    Add Alice Krige if you want to go kinky bisexual. Mmmmm, Borg Queen in Borg-styled black dominatrix gear. Yes, I will let her assimilate me!

    Thanks for the laugh, Mr. Scalzi.

  12. @shaysdays: I don’t think Ms. Swinton has publicly identified one way or another. (Though I have seen people assume that she’s straight, based on her having two male partners.)

  13. Bearpaw, Shaysdays:

    I will note that I don’t really know the sexualities of any of my imaginary playpals in the tweets (except Bowie). It’s not about their sexualities, it’s about what I would personally find hot (or at least, amusing).

  14. I had voted you at 10%, my reasoning being that a) you’re already married to a woman, but b) I figure you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t turn away their soulmate just because of which genitals they were currently in possession of (on their body, I mean. Not, like, in a jar).

  15. is it kosher, yet, to say that I DON’T CARE about anyone’s sexuality but my own?

    i never did understand why someone else’s sexuality [unless it happened to be a person i was interested in, and then only because i need to know if i *have a chance*] was ANYONE’S business.

    but i do appreciate the continual Life Lessons on how to deal with asshats, Scalzi. i hope to SOMEDAY be able to handle people poking me with the same level of aplomb. i mostly just blink and say “huh?” when people try to “insult” me by saying i’m a lesbian, because it’s weird — what do i say? if i point out that no, i’m not, then i’m somehow implying that it’s bad or wrong for other people to be LGBT, but if i DON’T, then people think i actually am a lesbian [i’ve walked this road, and it’s gotten me slapped by otherwise nice girls who thought i was leading them on when i just thought they were being friendly. le sigh]

    mocking the whole idea in general seems like a MUCH better tactic *G*

  16. @uldihaa – Believe me, I’m ->| |<- this close to writing some RPF of Scalzi, Rothfuss, and Wheaton based on what I saw on Twitter. I've been restraining myself from doing so all night, in fact! (We'll see if my resolve holds.)

  17. I realize that this is all supposed to be fun, because discussing a persons sexuality is always FUNNY, right?
    I mean its FUNNY when you consider that gay and trans teens are five times more likely to attempt or commit suicide. Funny, right?
    And it’s funny when you realize that in some parts of the world being gay can get you executed by the government. Also funny, right?
    And being gay or lesbian is such a hoot really. Everybody loves the gays right? Right?
    Try being one and then tell me how funny it all is.
    If it’s so funny why do I have friends that have been killed for being gay or trans? As a lesbian, why do I have to put up with homophobic shit from straight people every day of my life? And some people being fired from a job because of being gay? Wow, what a hoot!

    But yeah, deciding who’s gay or not is really funny…

    I’m sorry John, but maybe to some of us, not so much.

  18. jcarth:

    “I realize that this is all supposed to be fun, because discussing a persons sexuality is always FUNNY, right?”

    The second of these does not follow from the first.

  19. John:

    Perhaps you are right. I may have unintentionally incorporated the black swan fallacy here, and for that I’m sorry. But my point remains and I have no doubt that you understand my point of view.

    I respect you as a writer and blogger, and your stand on discrimination is without peer, and for that I applaud you.

    At least I didn’t get the MoLC!

    Apologies from a grumpy old woman who hasn’t had enough coffee this morning. (Or perhaps too much?)

    Much Respect,

  20. Floored:

    What I know about Idris Elba, based on Pacific Rim, is that he’s one of the few men who can pull off the mustache without the beard.


    No worries and yes, I do know where you’re coming from.

  21. Someone claimed that Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman have essentially the same relationship in The Hobbit that they have on Sherlock. Whether this is true I have no idea (haven't seen the second movie).

  22. Argh. PREVIEW, Xopher you IDIOT. I’d love it if that unclosed tag could be fixed, but perhaps it should be let stand to remind me of the shame that comes from not previewing.

  23. I’d rather not go down a laundry list of men I might or might not find attractive, if it’s all the same.

    That said, I interviewed George Takei once. A lovely fellow.

  24. Shawn – Ohio, USA – Early to bed, early or whirlybird or something. Bored now, bye. Don't step on any Lego's 'cause it _Hurts_!
    Shawn T

    >Xopher Halftongue
    >The asininity of random people on the web never ceases to amaze me.
    You sound quite young. Don’t worry, you’ll get jaded, and will stop caring.

    >is it kosher, yet, to say that I DON’T CARE about anyone’s sexuality but my own?
    >i never did understand why someone else’s sexuality [unless it happened to be a person i was interested in, and then only because i need to know if i *have a chance*] was ANYONE’S business.

    Aww, darn you to heck for the second paragraph because now I can’t correct you.
    But anyway my pref is what it is.
    I’m a guy who is occasionally attracted to a woman and who thinks that girls and boys are cute from such a distance that I can’t hear the “but I’ll DIE if you don’t buy me it!”

    If “Gay pride” is meant to undo “it’s a sin and you will burn in hell and etc” than kudos, but I happen to have dishes to wash: more important things to care about than who stares longer at whom with the “Oh, Hello!” facial expression, or to plaster my face against a bedroom window.

    I really must try to find out what “get bent” means, because I’ve upgraded my NYR to include not saying things that I don’t understand and I really want to tell some people to get bent and to get a job that is in line with what they brag/say about themselves.

  25. Bill, it used to, but it updates regularly. These days I believe it’s Benedict Cumberbatch who doesn’t count, though Tom Hiddleston is rapidly rising in the polls for candidate for next exception. I’m not sure who the exceptions are for girls .

  26. Shawn, I’m twice three-waiting. Will I get jaded soon, or not until I’m three-filled?

    The political term ‘proud’ means “certainly not ashamed.” You’ll get used to this eventually.

    And ‘get bent’ means bent OVER. With the metaphoric meaning of that, which if you think about it is kind of homophobic.

    Bill, Althea, Used to be Springsteen, once upon a time, too.

  27. John, no matter how gay you are, your SO is one lucky woman. But come on John, don’t play coy, give us hope, who do you fancy? I’m guessing Will Wheaton.

  28. Blackadder:

    Wil, and I say with with all love to him as a close friend, is so very not ever going to be my same-sex crush.

  29. > And ‘get bent’ means bent OVER. With the metaphoric meaning of that, which if you think about it is kind of homophobic.

    Oh. Didn’t realize that.
    But… what if you say it to a woman?

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