THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
Posted on February 20, 2014 Posted by John Scalzi 64 Comments
Context: Chris Kluwe wrote on Twitter about how the GOP are currently destroying themselves, like the Whigs did back in the day. This is what followed.
@ChrisWarcraft You were around for the Whigs? Are you immortal? ARE YOU THE HIGHLANDER?
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
@scalzi THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@ChrisWarcraft That's what I thought. (sighs) (gets sword) (heads to Chris' house)
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
@scalzi It's the 21st century, John. I already have sword drones circling your phone's GPS location.
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@ChrisWarcraft Ah, so that's what's littering up my lawn after my LASER EAGLES got done with them. Good to know.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
@scalzi You can't kill sword drones with a laser! THERE ARE RULES IN HIGHLANDER, SIR. #swords
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@ChrisWarcraft Says the man LOCKING ON TO MY PHONE. Sauce for the goose, good sir!
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
@scalzi Right, but that's just enhanced tracking techniques. The deathblow is still from a (flying) sword.
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@scalzi Propriety absolutely MUST be maintained when discussing decapitations.
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@ChrisWarcraft You know as well as I do that HANDS must be attached to SWORDS for deathblows to count. Or have you forgot Helsinki in '63?
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
@scalzi They ARE attached. Via satellite uplink to a joystick. THAT HAND IS WIELDING THAT SWORD, SIRRAH.
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@ChrisWarcraft By this thinking, the LASER EAGLES are fair play, for I activated the lasers by PRESSING THE BUTTON WITH MY SWORD POMMEL.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
@ChrisWarcraft CHECK and MATE, my friend.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
@scalzi The jury would've accepted the "coherent beam of photons into a cutting edge" argument, a "light saber" if you will, but sadly…
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@scalzi ..the Pommel defense was ruled inadequate by the third Council of Swordsing.
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@ChrisWarcraft Oh, god, here we go with the Third Council again. YOU KNOW that council was superceded by the Juneau Conference! YOU KNOW IT!
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
@scalzi YOU HAVE FAILED TO ADEQUATELY DEFINE YOUR LASER EAGLES AS "LIGHTSABER EAGLES," AND THUS BY THE RULES, YOUR CLAIM IS FORFEIT.
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@ChrisWarcraft This is why no one wants to FIGHT you, Chris. You keep rules lawyering! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD I SAY. On tuesday. If convenient.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
@scalzi I'll have my people talk to your people.
— Cassandra, Irredeemable Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) February 21, 2014
@ChrisWarcraft Good. That's settled then. Time for cookies.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) February 21, 2014
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O. M. G.
Two stupendous masses of ultimate coolness!
So that’s what happened to the Highlander in the 21st century: he lawyered up.
And now THERE’S MORE THAN ONE and they’re even eating cookies together….
I’m still disappointed that the Vikings let him go.
I’m laughing so hard my son may actually get up to see WHY. And being a fencer, he’s likely to want in on this. Or not.
Drones and laser eagles are expensive. Just take a gun, shoot him, and while he’s incapacitated and unconscious, hack off his head with a sword while associates watch your back as you are lighteninged. You can pick up a gun from Walmart. But watch for sword battles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DieDGK99UFw
I’m not sure which is cooler; the sheer geekery or the fact that it was Chris freakin’ Kluwe and you.
Well, now, that was fun.
What about the Republicans?
if you weren’t happily married, and i not happily living in sin, i’d court you for the snark and funnies ALONE.
alas, you are and i am so i have to take said S&F second hand.
oh well, at least i still get them *G*
It’s like Mornington Crescent for nerds. (A sentence with more obvious errors than words, I think.)
as an aside — i tried to post a link on Facebook. i don’t know, i generally HATE facebook, but this was hilarious and Facebook is easier/faster than emailing everyone i’d think would enjoy this.
Facebook STILL thinks your site is “bad” somehow. just… WTF?
The idea that “The GOP is destroying itself like the Whigs” is just a wishful-thinking fantasy from a party facing it’s own extinction problems with voters due to it’s rampant corruption, cronyism and absolute authoritarian leanings (“I have a pen and a phone”). In truth 72% of all Obama voters now truly regret their vote, the GOP has higher approval ratings than the Dems and the President is down in Nixon territory in approval.
The Dems got all they wanted and burned out the voting public.
Scorpius, don’t let something as trivial as politics get in the way of the important things here, namely, swords and LASER EAGLES.
(i.e., just because a comment about politics started the discussion, doesn’t mean it’s a discussion about politics.)
Or to put it another way: lighten up, Francis.
“YOU HAVE FAILED TO ADEQUATELY DEFINE YOUR LASER EAGLES AS “LIGHTSABER EAGLES,” AND THUS BY THE RULES, YOUR CLAIM IS FORFEIT.— ”
This may qualify as the nerdiest tweet I’ve ever read. Not in a bad way, mind you. Just nerdy.
You two are having way too much fun…good for you!
lighten up, Francis.
Any of you guys call me Francis, and I’ll kill you.
I’m calling it: #bromance
I wanted to dive into it with scorpius but Seriousness has taken some off time and is not available.
John, you and your humor are dragging me off my ‘Hate Twitter’ stance. My lawyer will be calling on you, Sir!
72% of the people who used to call me Francis truly regret it now.
I adore you so much right now. And @seebs – yep, that was pretty much my thought. Only with squeeing.
That was just…awesome. Which is a word I usually dislike using, but there is no other word that is appropriate in this context, I think.
Glad to know that Scorpius is on the job, when it comes to filling the token “lives in backwards bizarro-world” slot that every conversation must have.
I’ve got to include “YOU KNOW that was superceded by the Juneau Conference! YOU KNOW IT!” into my next IRL argument somehow.
Just don’t take out your sword in a Miami supermarket.
So, what happens if my house is built on a cursed Native American burial site? Does it protect me from Sword Drones, but leave me open to poltergeist assassins? I feel this question was not properly addressed!
I haven’t a clue about what you two were talking about, but I sputtered coffee on my iPad anyway because it was so very, very funny.
I suppose I should look up Highlander, but I’m worried that nothing could possibly live up to the trailer…
@Bruce “I’m still disappointed that the Vikings let him go.”
At the time, I was too. I figured Kluwe was waived for political, not athletic, reasons. He had just had a good season and Oakland picked him up shortly after he became a free agent. But then…..Oakland cut him before the next season began, and Chris is still out of football. In a money-driven industry like pro football, if Chris Kluwe still had the talent to punt in the NFL, he’d have a job by now. The timing makes it all suspect, but maybe, just maybe, he was at the end of the line in his NFL career when the ‘Queens cut him loose.
I suppose I should look up Highlander
When you do, it is very important you remember “There Can Be Only One”.
Does the fact that eagles and lightsabers were involved qualifies that twitt-suite as an Highlander-LOTR-StarWars threeway ?
I’m embarrassed by how hard I am laughing.
Not to derail the LASER EAGLE discussion, but I’m a member of the Wiig party.
Wiig – Hader 2016
The Whig’s aren’t dead. I’ve been a Whig for over a year.
Modern Whig Party
I’ll just add my thanks for the most fun I’ve had in days. Laugh out loud funny can’t happen often enough!!
You had me laughing my head off until you misspelled ‘supersede’. Now I must send my own drones to punish you.
But lasers cannot so easily defeat my drones, for lo! they are actual drones, the insect kind, from a colony of bees I keep for the purpose.
What manner of bees, you ask? Honestly, think for a moment. Do I have to spell out everything?
The more I read from Chris, the more amazed I am that he lasted so long in the NFL. This little drama broke my Nerd-o-meter, by the way. Nice work.
Great, now I am going to waste all weekend re-watching Highlander episodes. Thanks for the giggles.
I KNEW IT!!
Hilarious as this is, I must point out: they make decaf Coke Zero now; you might want to look into it, Scalzi…
@Stevie – If by “trailer” you meant the Twitter exchange and you don’t want to see the whole film, then budget 5 minutes to watch the Queen video that came out with it back in the day. Condenses the movie nicely, with an added shot of Freddie Mercury Juice (â„¢).
Allium
You are right on both counts; that is utterly superb! Unfortunately I don’t think it’s going to save me any time long term, because I shall be watching that video…
Next up: Flash Kluwe* with another Queen soundtrack.
(Yes, it could be Flash Scalzi, but in the 1980 remake at least, Flash played football for the Jets.)
@Xopher
Why drones? How many drone spelling bees does it take to punish an immortal? If you have a significant swarm of drones, then how many bees do you have? Now we know what happened to the bees; they are all in your volcanic fortress where they will be used to create an army of proof readers.
Favorite thing I read this morning. Bravo sir, and after you eat your cookies, good hunting. :)
Man, I love you guys.
Wait, if an Immortal is decapitated by a remote-operated drone, what happens to all the Immortal Energy that is released? Will it accrue to the remote operator, or merely flow to the nearest Immortal it can find?
@Xopher
Hmm. My Shorter Oxford is of the opinion that either spelling is valid. Supercede is noted, though, as being an earlier usage.
So does my Chinese Flying Guillotine qualify…?
http://youtu.be/RmdP1qTjGZY
Bwahahahahaha!
Thank Crom it’s Friday!
Well, Bob, given the derivation of the word, that seems unlikely. But I think you entirely missed the point.
Xopher- It comes from the Latin supersedere, but does so by way of the middle French superceder, so I would suggest the c spelling is probably the earliest in English.
The C spelling is, however, wrong. Older does not mean more correct, or Chaucer would still be readable in the original (well, nearly) by high-school students.
I do realize that I and the other righteous are going to lose this battle (and the C spelling will be correct in 2100, but please God not yet.) As I told someone who offered me his sword this morning, we’re like King Canute: we’re fighting the C.
I’m going to shout at the next person who posts something that indicates that they don’t realize I was doing it for the pun opportunity (le pun chance, in French). I don’t actually feel the need to correct John’s spelling, that being why Tor has copyeditors.
DanD – I spit on the Norman Conquest of English.
If Charlie Stross joins this conversation, will he be THE LOWLANDER?
@Xopher
I really don’t think Tor is responsible for editing the copy on his blog.
If Charlie Stross joins this conversation, will he be THE LOWLANDER?
If Stross joins the conversation then he will be followed by eldritch horrors the likes of which would cause your brain to destroy itself out of sheer terror rather than live with the fact that such vile entities could exist in this, or any other dimension.
Plus: bureaucrats
It’s probably best he stays out of it. That’s all I’m saying.
Just so, Bob. And no one needs to, because it doesn’t need to be done.
His spelling in books is important.
Folks, I’m away until 3/3, so comments are being suspended for now.
This may be a bit off topic (as the exchange evolved), but,
http://www.modernwhig.org/
Just sayin’
Beautiful.
Just squeezing this in.
This sort of dialogue needs to happen more often. Can you arrange something with Pat Rothfuss soonish? Topic is up to you two.
Where can I inquire about the purchase of Laser Eagles?
Thank you, good sirs, for a lengthy and badly needed chortle.
Maybe the author is going to rewrite the part about that link leading to the right post but just hasn’t gotten around to it yet.
So… Republicans are self-destructing, and we need to define light sabers?