How I Keep Myself Amused on Long Flights, Part II: The Gremlining
Posted on April 10, 2014 Posted by John Scalzi 15 Comments
I am now being flung into sky in the westerly direction. I hope not to overshoot and land in the Pacific.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
For those asking, yes, there is a gremlin on the wing. He's a trainee! He's kind of nervous so we're all trying to be encouraging.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
The gremlin's supervisor is here. That's gotta make him nervous.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
Uh-oh. Trainee gremlin apparently tearing up the wing all wrong. Supervisor shaking its head, writing something on a clipboard.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
Now the gremlin has gone to a window to scare a passenger. The passenger in question: a small baby. I think that's cheating.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
Small child is delighted and says "puppy" over and over. The trainee gremlin bursts into tears. This is a hard gig, man.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
The supervisor gremlin is making the trainee gremlin stand in the corner of the wing. Oh, my. This isn't going well at all.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
Supervisor gremlin on the phone now. Appears to be calling in an experienced backup gremlin. I'm feeling bad for the trainee gremlin now.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
I mean, yes. The trainee gremlin is trying to destroy our plane and send us all screaming to our deaths. But a gig is a gig is a gig.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
You try getting a job as a gremlin on this economy. It's either destroying planes or being garden statuary for ironic suburbanites.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
So, yes, I have sympathy for this trainee gremlin – wait. Trainee gremlin has just pushed supervisor gremlin off the wing. Bold strategy!
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
Huh. Apparently, supervisor gremlin had wings. Hovering over trainee, glaring. Trainee gremlin looks frustrated by this plot twist.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
But as it turns out, attempting to murder your supervisor is an accepted work strategy amongst gremlins! Trainee gremlin passes the exam!
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
The whole plane is cheering! Trainee gremlin takes an awkward bow, and then tries to dislodge an engine. Adorable!
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
And as we plummet out of the sky, we can die happy, assured the American gremlin industry is still tops in the world. USA! USA! U(thud)
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 10, 2014
(For those who missed the first in this series, posted almost a year ago (i.e., almost certainly on another long plane trip to Los Angeles), it’s here.)
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Category: Uncategorized
Let us know if you see the Malaysian plane down there.
Look, the real problem with improving working conditions is going to require eliminating Gremlin tenure, and let’s get real – the Gremlin Union is _never_ gonna let that happen. Who do you think got rid of Jimmy Hoffa’s body? Wake up, America!
If I had small children, I would read this as a bedtime story tonight. Maybe the teen would appreciate it?
Thanks, Mr. Scalzi.
I just spit iced tea all over my laptop.
And then my spouse came over to see what was so funny, and laughed himself into a coughing fit.
Now that you’ve made me splatter my laptop and have left my spouse wheezing to himself in the corner, you and your little gremlin friend can go off and have a nice time in LA. I hope you’re both pleased with yourselves.
First of all: John, you obviously get a different version of Coke Zero than my supermarket stocks…
Second: gremlin lawn ornaments? Where do I get them?
Airplane crashing humor. Nice.
As “airplane crashing humor” goes, it was, yes, hilarious…
DRickard: I don’t recall any as such, but do remember a gargoyle or two that looked like what I think of as a gremlin. Perhaps at Kmart or Design Toscano?
This is not what I picture as a gremlin, though I did enjoy the movie.
And if anyone is bored enough to keep count: Dark humor, yes, but funny.
Epic, sir.
I am duly impressed.
Okay, now you’ve done it. Every time you get on a plane, we will be expecting another gremlin Tweet story.
Now, if you’d seen William Shatner out on the wing …
Glad to hear Mike Wazowski finally passed his final exam.
Jon M: Young Shatner or makes me look heroin thin Shatner? Because if the latter all that flapping would (goes blind and stops typing because So Many Things Flapping!)
I’m always looking for good tips to pass on to my students as they enter the work force. In emergency, try to murder your supervisor sounds about right for the current job market.
How have you not been placed on a no fly list by now?