In Which the Twitters Play On My Lawn

So, first I posted this.

In retrospect, I guess I was asking for it.

I stopped there, else risk insanity.

25 Comments on “In Which the Twitters Play On My Lawn”

  1. I should note there were others, but I didn’t RT tweet them all (because I had to occasionally step away from the Twitters, you see, and tend to the rest of my life). If you look through my Twitter replies list you’re likely to see more.

  2. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me


  3. On the one hand I am highly amused. On the other hand, I wonder why people have so much time on their hands and I don’t. On the third hand, I am highly amused.

  4. Mark – I will very happily enjoy the fact that other people can do things like this. It’s nice to be easily amused.

  5. I think I must point out that there’s cruelty to your offspring here; one moment Athena is looking forward to a glorious summer lounging in the sun on your rolling acres, and then the entire lawn is invaded by alien species wearing kilts which you show no signs of repelling.

    And, whilst I would back Krissy against the Golden Horde with one hand tied behind her back, leaving it to her would be an abnegation of your parental responsibilities…

  6. since we never see pictures of john riding a lawnmower, how about pictures of the people John is paying to keep his lawn looking nice?

  7. considering he lives in the boondocks… could be a picture of one of his neighbors with a flock of goats on his lawn keeping it nice and trim…

  8. Give the world a new green screen and it will Photoshop a path to your door!

  9. Too bad now one photoshopped a large flock of Electric Blue Sheep into the picture. ya know, just in case we have a coronation to plan…

  10. If I wanted to know all about what you were doing via Twitter, I would follow you on Twitter. But I don’t, so I don’t. At some point social media leaves a very distinct marketing taste.

  11. gregm, why not just say ‘humbug’ and leave it at that? I know lots of people who are not marketing a single thing who love the connections they have made via Twitter with hundreds or thousands of other tweeps who are not marketing a single thing, so perhaps you just don’t know as much about Twitter as you could.

  12. I find Twitter overwhelming – it never stops – but I love seeing the compilations here. Yay for the lawn!

  13. @Guess: since we never see pictures of john riding a lawnmower, how about pictures of the people John is paying to keep his lawn looking nice?

    Yon writer bears the pinched and hateful look of a man who cruelly makes his offspring mow the lawns.

  14. The twitter response is pretty funny. Here’s a challenge: cut the thing yourself, for charity, with a Masport Utility 530. Have people pay $5 to offer a time estimate for completion with said lawnmower. Winner gets the (washed or unwashed?) T-shirt you wore while cutting the lawn. The money goes to a charity of your choice.

  15. I found you a few months ago…wait that sounds creeptastic…I found your BLOG a few months ago. Since then I have enjoyed reading a bunch of your books and generally found I liked your brand of sarcasm and wit. However, I LOVE YOUR [CURATED] FANS EVEN MORE. Thank you for keeping the dipsticks at bay.

  16. I thought that was a stray left-over leaf in the upper corner until I remembered “Scalzi’s Yard(tm)” = “that’s a big darn dog in the corner of the pic”

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