Things To Do Before the Book Tour, for Both You and Me
Things I need to do before I start my book tour next Tuesday (in no particular order):
1. Get a haircut
2. Finalize my reading selections (currently: A deleted chapter from Lock In, a sneak preview of the upcoming sequel to The Human Division, and… see, this is why I have to finalize selections).
3. Finish up a couple more promotional pieces/interviews
4. Go shopping for travel-related items
5. Sleep as much as humanly possible
6. Decide whether or not to keep the beard or go out on tour clean-shaven
7. Finalize tour commitments
8. Make plans to see friends and such at various stops
10. Something I’m no doubt forgetting at the moment which I will remember at the last minute, or not, in which case I’ll be on my way to Houston when I loudly proclaim, “oh, fuck,” on the plane, causing the incognito US Marshall to take me down with a taser, followed by an emergency landing in, oh, let’s say, Omaha.
Things you need to do before I start my book tour next Tuesday (in no particular order):
1. Find out which tour stop of mine is closest to you
2. Procure a large van and shove every person you have ever met into it
3. Drive them all to the tour stop of mine that is closest to you
4. Enjoy me be a performing monkey for you
5. Get a copy of Lock In or another one of my books for me to sign
6. Have me sign it for you and share a very special 30 seconds with me and also a picture and possibly a soda
7. Drive yourself and everyone you know back home in the procured van, stuffed with happy memories and signed books and maybe some Taco Bell because you all got snacky
8. Return the van, remembering to wipe away any fingerprints
9. Act surprised the next day when your neighbor rants about the damn kids who stole his van and returned it smelling like chalupas and Baja Blast Mountain Dew
10. Floss. Because that’s just always a good idea.
Let’s get these things done, people!