104 Comments on “I Strongly Believe That If My Cat Had an Author Photo It Would Look Like This”

1. Funny, he doesn’t look very lopsided in that photo. Almost professorial. “Love, Eat, Mice,” maybe?

2. Serial Killing for Fun! (How to predate small mammals, birds, large insects and anything else that makes interesting horkup on carpets.)

   It would be a bestseller among cats, I think.

   Alternatively, he could go for the high road with Is There an Aslan on Your Sofa?

3. To Kill a Mockingbird, of course. May have a copyright problem, though.

4. Missing: Reminding Your Humans How Dull Their Lives Would Be Without You

   By Lopsided Cat Scalzi

5. Thinking Outside the (Litter)Box

   By LC Scalzi

6. “Eat Prey, Sleep” (notice only one comma)

7. Fifty Shades of Tabby

8. “Welcome to My World—You May Worship Me Now”

9. A Lion Led By Donkeys

10. Old Cat’s War, or perhaps Tabby’s Tail…
    ok, I’ll stop now

11. That is one Hell of a majestic nose!!!

12. I moved your cheese, now die!

13. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Felines

14. My 5th grade daughter suggests Tabby of the Wild.

15. “My Life with Apelings: a Meowmoir of One Cat’s Struggle to Find the Perfect Lap.”

16. While he may accept room and board, I’m not convinced that Lopsided Cat has necessarily adopted the family name.

17. PEMTE

18. So if ol’ Lopsided was able to pose for a photo, his limping problem of a few days ago wasn’t serious?

19. Perfectly Balanced in a Lopsided World.

20. Mice – Better than Bacon?

21. That picture looks familiar… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Felidae_%28novel%29

22. There is something about that cat expression that is not quite cat-like. -Ron-

    Sent from my mobile.

    >

23. I thought that Lopsided Cat had already written a book attributed to you: Fuzzy Nation. Right?

24. The Dog Delusion

25. And naturally I had to read this after rereading C. J. Cherryh’s ‘Chanur’ books…

26. The Great Catsby

27. I previously remarked that in MY day, the three standard Author Photos were:
    (1) Standing in front of shelves of books and trophies;
    (2) Holding a well-worn pipe, Sherlockian or otherwise, in hand or with stem between teeth;
    (3) In the garden.

    If so, where are the cat’s trophies?

28. Humans- Less Than The Dust Beneath My Paws

29. That cat looks a bit like you, John. I’d buy his book too.

30. Do Tabbys Dream of Electric Mice. A re imagination of a classic. Hey, if you can do it so can LC Scalzi.

31. Living in a Coke Zero Hell: Where’s the Bacon?

32. Catnip for Dummies

33. Seven Lives of Highly Effective Felines

34. Mesmerism: The Efficient Method of Controlling Your Primates

35. Like I Care: What Humans Expect From Cats

36. To Kill a Mockingbird: The ACTUAL Guide

37. That looks a bit like Harlan Ellison. It has a mouth…….but…..i hear no scream? Oh nevermind.

38. The Cozy Prison: My Confinement Among the Humans

39. [Deleted for responding to spam. I don’t imagine this surprises Xopher – JS]

40. It took a minute or so for any text to load, so after the post from the other day about LC being missing and having recently lost my own beloved kitty, my first thought on seeing the photo was “oh, this cannot be good.”

41. The Myth of Human Intelligence
    or
    If They’re all That, then Why are They Cleaning My Poop?

    By. Prof. Lop. P. Sidedcat

42. That’s a man, baby!!

43. Wow what a great shot. He looks like a real professional.

44. I wouldn’t dare not to buy his book, with that firm expression!

45. Prince of Cats

46. Ooooh, I got this one:

    “Locked Out!
    My days in the bush.”

47. Zombie Mice are Twice the Fun!

48. How to Train Your Human (translated from the Old Feline)

49. Eat, Spray, Sleep. And then Sleep Some More.

50. I Clawedius

51. Oh, and great titles! Every one I thought of had already been taken :). Tho how about: ‘A Midsummer Night’s Cat’?

52. “A Practical Guide To World Domination Without Opposable Thumbs – Humans And How To Manipulate Them”

53. The Khatavad Gita : “I have become Death, the destroyer of Mice”

54. ‘The Purr-loined Letter’ (Sorry)
    ‘The Old Man and the Seafood Feast’
    ‘Human Farm’

55. The Feline Division

56. Old Meows War

57. How To Serve Mice – a “cookbook” of sorts…

58. “My Lopsided Life”

59. “Locked In” (the basement again)

60. That doesn’t look like an author photo.
    It looks like a ‘Wanted’ poster.

61. My Life: A Dichotomy of Civilization and the Wild by L. Cat

62. The Great Catsby

63. “Feline, All Too Feline”

    “I Am Right. You Are Not: Self help for humans”

64. Obviously – The Bible

65. I can see you through the eye holes of my Lopsided Cat mask but I’m really John Scalzi posing for the picture.

66. John’s author portrait where his head is slightly turned looks disturbingly like a 1980s Lawrence Taylor cover photo. The only difference was that LT had a diamond studded earring with LT hanging off a chain. Makes me wonder… if one of his books gets pushed beyond the option part and gets turned into an actual series whether John will pimp it and get an earring with a JS hanging down. I’m at work, so I can’t google the photo, but they are damn similiar.

67. So where’s the thread where we post author photos of OUR cats, Scalzi?

68. They’re Not Fooling Anyone: LC Scalzi’s Guide to Humans

69. Hello Kitty

70. Stevie:

    Between the “Who do you think you are dealing with here?” expression and the monitor in the background, my first thought was of new cover art for “The Pride of Chanur.”

71. Count the toes. Could be a Hemingway cat?

72. Indeed not, JS. I forgot where I was for a moment. Sorry.

    (In that other place we tag spam with comments following it. But even there I would just comment “deletable spam tag” and leave it at that.)

73. The Quest For Proxy Thumbs: the domestication of Homo sapiens.

74. “Yup, I’d buy a book from that cat.”

    You’d buy a book from that cat or else.

    And it would be:

    “Cat-cher in the Rye.”

    (He looks like a Beat Cat.)

75. My Life in the Box of Bald Monkeys

76. 101 Ways to Train your Human – or Living with another species

77. Dear John,

    Hmmm, 9 comments on your book tour video and 76 comments (already!) on your author-cat’s jacket photo.

    I think I know who Tor should be sending out on the next book tour…

    Helpfully yours,

    Ctein

78. Miao Te Ching, by Lao Psided.

    Quote: “The Miao that can be told is not the eternal Miao.”

79. And then there’s always:

    “Tab-by Or Not Tab-by.”

80. The Complete Guide to Gifting; Live, Dead, or Freshly Horked?

81. Of Mice and Me

82. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.

83. The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Lopsided Cat, &c. Who was Born at the Animal Shelter, and during a Life of continu’d Variety for Onescore Years, besides his Childhood, was Six Year a Pet, five times a Wildcat (whereof once of his own pride), Six Year a Farmcat, Eight Year a Transported Feline in Ohio, at last grew Fat, liv’d Honest, and died a Penitent. Written from his own Meowmorandums….by LC DeCat

84. As I gaze upon L. Cat, I’m beginning to see a family resemblance? That is more than a little disturbing. Today is my Friday and I will go home, not get online, and have a beer. It’s been a rough week.

85. Shrew’d and Well Muridae’d

86. I Have No Noms And I Must Meow And Other Complaints About My Talking Monkey Things

87. The Silence of the Mice
    The Lap Catcher’s Guide to the Galaxy
    Cat Story
    I Have Always Lived in the Castle
    The Hunting of Scalzi House
    Life Among the Savages
    Basement Cat, The Real Story

88. Lick In

    My first nap on the job coincided with the first day of the Haden Walkout, so I totes missed it! A feed of me snoozing in the FBI building got a fair amount of play on the Haden news sites and forums. This was not a thing I needed on my first day. Still, like I said, missed it!

89. This Had Better Be Good.

90. Winter’s Tail

91. “Road to Purr-dition”

92. The Mews of Literature – I mused a bit to come up with that one.

93. A Tail of Two Kitties

94. Obviously the Lopsided one’s author name is Natsume Soseki, and the book is internationally famous “I am a Cat”.
    Now read in a Japanese literature class near you!

95. Exploitative Coevolution; The Dominance of Felis Catus over Homo Sapiens. Hmmm…I may have to enter this in the Bad Ad Hoc Hypothesis Festival. I think I could prove it. Really.

96. Is that Star Wars in the background? In that case: “The catpaw strikes back”

97. Is your cat named Robert Silverberg?

98. Grimalkin’s Revenge of the Hair

99. Sleeping Your Life Away and Loving it

    How to catch the Red Dot and Other Secrets Revealed

    Confessions of a Paper Bag Addict

100. The Woods My Destination
     Nine Lives in Amber
     Fields of Wonder

101. LC Scalzi, famed writer of hardboiled noir:

     The High Window Seat

     The Name of the Game is Naps

     Catino Royale

     The Tabby-Striped Hearse

     The Cat Who Followed Scalzi

102. 101 Uses for a Spare Gopher

103. Something Whiskered This Way Comes
     Kittyhood’s End
     World War C

     Meh, that’s all I got. I’m not good with puns.

104. I’m not good with puns.

     I dunno, Chris B, I think Something Whiskered This Way Comes is great!