Daughter and Homecoming Date, 2014

And yes, she really did take a pineapple to Homecoming this year. Why? Mostly because she thought it would be funny to do so. My kid is so much my kid that it’s ridiculous sometimes. I love her to bits.

Also, the pineapple went over very well, with people wanting pictures with it and taking it out onto the dance floor. I imagine it danced no worse than many of the teenage boys in attendance.

74 thoughts on “Daughter and Homecoming Date, 2014

  1. I’m waiting for the post-mortem photos, frankly: after you took your trusty shotgun to said pineapple after it got far too fresh with Athena on the ride home.

  2. Man, you need to put the line “My daughter took a pineapple to the homecoming dance.” as the opening line of a book, it would beat out the opening line to androids dream hands down! That’s awesome!

  3. She manages to look a lot like both you and your wife, which is fairly impressive, considering your disparate appearances. But she definitely got your sense of humor … poor thing. ;)

  4. OK, that’s hilarious. It’s obvious strange runs in the family. :-) Little disappointed though, no Sponge Bob jokes.

  5. Presumably, because she appears to have some manners, the pre-dance meal did not involve a Hawaiian pizza. Nonetheless, inquiring mimes want to know if any of the chaperones were named “Dole”… which, frankly, is the sort of dubious fate that most fathers of teenaged girls believe is appropriate for teenaged boys who want to date those daughters

    Then, in the dark and ancient days of my dubious high school career, one could not buy only a single ticket to any sponsored high-school dance. So, how much was the pineapple’s ticket? Or did he crash?

  6. I’ve noticed noone has asked yet:

    Did she ask the pineapple?
    In which case, did the pineapple say, ‘Yes?’

    Or did the pineapple ask her?

  7. Jaws, the couples-only rule for high school dances & events is pretty much a thing of the past. After just a few decades, school administrators figured out that requiring kids to pair off and enforcing it was a lot of trouble for practically no gain.

    Who knows what they’ll figure out next?

    This sets a very effective standard, btw. Anybody who wants to date Athena will now have to have enough self-confidence to believe they won’t come in second to a pineapple in the overall rankings. That would eliminate about the least confident half of boys and the least confident quarter of girls, and probably the least confident tenth of fruits and vegetables.

  8. I must say the pineapple is probably smarter than some of the guys I knew in high school. And it won’t get all handsy.

  9. Note that she has her thumb on a little-known pineapple pressure point. I don’t think the little fella dared to say no.

  10. And guys (and gals) in her class were all like what does Dole have that I don’t?

    Prickly on the outside.
    Sweet on the inside.
    Solid center.

    …and fashion sense!

  11. Very cool …. in other homecoming traditions I stood on my deck last night around 12:30 and watched a bunch of teenagers roll my neighbors house. Ah, glad to see traditions live on.

    Yes, I txt my neighbors and they had an inkling it would happen. It is a bi-annual tradition.

  12. Mythago:

    I hope the pineapple was well-behaved, and didn’t try to get fresh.

    Well, he’s either fresh or spoiled, unless she decides to can him.

  13. haha, very nice. and if the pineapple winds up being a bad date, you can always at least bring it back home and make an upside-down cake…try doing that with a live human ;)

  14. ikeike35 …. By roll I mean throw toilet paper rolls all over their trees, house, and cars. It is also called TPing.

  15. lkeke35, I’m not Ozzie, but I think they’re referring to what we called papering or TPing: holding the end of a roll of toilet paper and throwing the roll over trees, shrubs, and the house, creating a godsawful mess.

  16. Sounds like there’s a name for your next band in there somewhere: “The Pinapple Date”? “Pineapple Homecoming”? “Pineapple Dance”?

  17. Athena’s beauty and elegance is a familiar reality here, ashcomp. We take it as a given at this point.

  18. What a lovely pair. So thoughtful of the pineapple; not only does the bow tie match, but the rest of the pineapple’s coloring, the crisp greens, the cheerful yellows, go very nicely with Athena’s outfit as well. Plainly carefully coordinated.

    I hope they had a good time.

  19. Amazed you have gotten this far in the comments without one of _those_people_ stopping by to comment that you are such a gamma you even let your daughter date a fruit.
    Thank-you, I’ll be here all week, please try the upside-down cake & don’t forget to tip your waitron.

  20. Lovely girl. Nice looking date. But so many questions. Is Dole also a student? Was Athena the only one dating outside her species? Or were there other non humans in attendance? Did they go solo or was this a double?

  21. Do you think you’ll be in Bradford for next fall’s dance, or will you be The Bradfordy Hillbillies?

    “Well, the first thing you know old John’s a millionaire
    “The kinfolks said, “John, move away from there!”
    They said “Californy is the place you ought to be!”
    So he loaded up the minivan and moved to Beverly. Hills, that is.

    ???

  22. Too funny!!
    When our 15 year old niece lived with us in the 90’s she also went to homecoming with a green haired boy. Athena’s date sounds like much more fun :-D

  23. Now all the Pineapples will showing up on your doorstep… This may have been a tactical error on your, and Athena’s parts! I’d keep a machete close to door, just in case! =8′)>

  24. Well, if the teenage boys in question were anything like I was when I was Athena’s age, it means that they danced….not a goddamned bit.

    In the interest of full disclosure, it’s probably been about 18 years (I’m guessing kiddo is about 15-16, compared to my just about 33) since I was awkwardly DRAGGED to Homecoming, so there’s some perspective.

    That being said, I’m just gonna go ahead and theorize that the pineapple in question was a PHENOMENAL date, danced its pineapple ass off, and was quite happy to be devoured later in the evening, because why the bloody hell wouldn’t it. :)

  25. Hope she had a wonderful time! My daughter’s homecoming is this coming weekend. She is going stag, so I should see what she can come up with for a date.

    P.S You meet so many people while on tour, but I wanted to thank you again for the advice you gave my husband and I on supporting my daughter’s writing when you were in Saratoga! We have been taking your advice to heart and she wrote a piece that almost broke my heart the other day.

  26. Not a sitcom, but “Athena and the Pineapple” should be the name of John Scalzi’s next band.

  27. Wow, I wish I had thought of that when I was that age. Awesome.

    @Blackadder: Well, probably none of them were pretty enough to tempt her. After all, this pineapple sure is handsome. Just look at those dark green leaves!

    “Pride and Prejudice and Pineapples” would be a good book title, too.

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