Two Views of a Very Temporary Look
Posted on October 6, 2014 Posted by John Scalzi 66 Comments
Having never done it before, I was curious what I would look like with just a mustache. The answer:
Strangely like John Goodman!
And of course I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to make a genuinely terrible picture of myself, so please to enjoy this, which I call “The Worst Police Booking Photo, Ever”:
Aaaaand now I’m gonna shave this mustache off.
Me (to Krissy, on the phone): Do you want me to wait until you get home to shave it off?
Krissy: No. Shave it off now. And when you’re done, post another picture so I know it’s gone.
There, that’s better.
I think there’s a weird John Hodgman thing going on in these.
Keep the beard! (Sorry, I’m just a beard kind of gal!) It just looks more distinguished and, well, cooler somehow.
Actually, I think more like John Hillerman (Higgins on the old Magnum, P.I. series) than John Goodman.
Second photo looks to me like a first-day rookie cop on-scene with Nicholas Bell @ start of Lock In.
I was thinking more John Hodgman for that first one.
Yeah I get the John Hodgman vibe.
Keep the ‘stache! Grow it out into a nice handlebar!
. . . you could just photoshop it off . . .
After the first, slightly mad looking one, I must confess I was really hoping for the full Hitler look in the second picture. Please? (Plus it would give the trolls something really fun to play with.)
I’m getting a Hodgman vibe off of that look myself!
What do you suppose you’d look like with a shaved head?
Just throwing that out there… :)
[URL changed because I don’t like pictures just randomly showing up in comments – JS]
The black & white image would make a wonderful latex Halloween mask.
In the bottom black and white, all I see is Ed A. Poe.
My first thought on the first picture was Hodgman too. The second one? My first thought is, “Meth is a terrible drug.”
I vote goatee for the next facial hair experiment (you can be “Evil John Scalzi”!)
I’m impressed! I concede that I prefer the beard, but the moustache looks a lot better than I would have imagined.
May I enquire how long does it take to grow a moustache of that length?
The second one made me think of Leon in Blade Runner.
Well that’s pretty gorgeous, I’m not gonna lie.
The second photo made me think you had the “The judge is giving me 900 years in prison for this, isn’t he” look.
You nailed the “John” part, but it’s definitely more “Hillerman” or “Hodgeman” than “Goodman.”
Hey, where did you find this really terrible photo of Bill Murray there in the middle?
I don’t know why not. It’s just when people declare an intention to shave facial hair, others are supposed to tell him not to.
Now you should try a beard without a mustache, for that Honest
All the dudebros will be reposting that second photo. High-contrast B&W makes for terrible selfies.
I’m disappointed you didn’t try a soul patch and post a picture before you shaved it all off.
Yeah, mustaches don’t work on everyone. But if you ever have the urge to try again, go for a more ambitious one. (Handlebar or one like Dali’s maybe.)
Awww! I liked it! I have a fondness for moustaches, and thought it made you look erudite and distinguished. However, Krissy is right in that it doesnt entirely suit you–you are a very GOOFY man, and that moustache completely belies that aspect of your personality. So yeah, clean shaven is the way to go for you.
Still, though, I liked it!
Hmm. I’m seeing “RAF Pilot c. 1956.” Bally tenpenny ones popping in over the briny. That kind of thing. I’d say it’s a straight mix between distinguished and barking mad.
We can’t all be Tom Selleck, alas.
You do realize that when someone shaves off a moustache, beard, etc., that the item in question goes to Hirsute Heaven? When you die and go to Heaven yourself, you’ll be reunited with all your body hair.
This is part of my theory that lost body parts go to their own particular Heavens. If you go to a bar in Eyeball Heaven, you’ll hear long-running arguments over who had the best pirate.
Stevie: People aren’t identical, but figure half an inch growth per month, so (gets ruler and calculator) (didn’t need the calculator) 58 days.
And, sorry, but the second photo doesn’t even come close to Worst Booking Photo Ever. Our county sheriff’s department posts booking photos on its website(part of Joe Arpaio’s “Jail! Now With Gratuitous Public Humiliation!” program); it’s… pretty rugged.
I had one friend who I had never seen without a beard. His wife hadn’t either and finally persuaded him to shave. His seven year old saw it and cried. His wife said start growing it back, Very bad undershot chin. Some beards are good. Mustaches not so much.
“Mustaches not so much.” They can hide can hide scars from the corrective surgery from a cleft palate.
Also, bleah! My moustache, except for the grey, makes me look just like Tom Selleck.
The pornstache definitely doesn’t suit you… but (IMNSHO) neither does the clean shave.
Bring back the tour beard!
That 1st photo is just really creepy in how closely it resembles certain poses of *that German guy*.
I’m seconding the John Cleese suggestion for the ‘stache photo. I think it’s the expression as much as the facial hair that gives the resemblance.
Definitely John Hillerman. I have a Fun Manchu myself and I think I would absolutely freak out the entire family plus animas if I shaved it off.
(me, to Krissy) High Five!
Johns Goodman and Hodgeman, in one compact package.
My husband shaved off his mustache after 40 years and I LOVE the nice smooth feeling and the look. I think you look wonderful without facial hair, I recommend staying clean shaven!
Maybe you took the selfie – but that’s Athena looking out of that final photo! I’ve seen you both in her face before, but this particular shot startled me – in an nice way :)
Oh man, another week or two and you would have had the perfect opportunity for an awesome halloween costume. It’s not often that someone has a face full of facial hair that they’re totally willing to whack off in intermediate steps.
John Smallhairs! John Bigboote wants to know when the propaganda will be ready!
I voted for the beard while on tour but I have to say I agree with Krissy regarding the mustache only; glad you shaved you have a very nice face :-D
Van Dykes are the way to go. I’ve had one for two decades. They really give the old chin a lot of character.
You look like the stache cop from “John Dies at the End.” That stache is about to go flying off your face to try to kill us all.
When I met my wife, I had a mustache. Some years later, I shaved it off, and she was very upset that I had not consulted her. She came home to a clean-shaven man. I had no idea that it meant that much to her. Since then, I’ve warned her that facial hair may come and go depending on my mood or the weather.
ALWAYS listen to your wife. TRUST ME!
Hey! I know you, I don’t know you, know you. But I know of you. Nice face, er, that might sound weird? But. I just didn’t know what you looked like. And accidently ran into your page. Good morning.
Lol. <3 your wife.
Grow that moustache back when you’re somewhat older and you might pass for H.G. Wells.
Now, when my spousal unit saw a picture of me without my facial hair, I was informed that I was to never ever shave it off ever again. Not that there’s anything weird going on under there, but I do look very different. Too different, apparently.
Here’s the list : John Hillerman, John Cleese, vaguely Kevin Spacey.
I think mustaches are hilarious. But my favorite part of the entry belongs to Krissy. “post another picture so I know it’s gone” — awesome.
Should have taken the photos with a pineapple. (Or, is that accessory exclusive to your daughter?)
Definitely not John Goodman, Could be John Cleese. (I see I’m not the first to think so.)
Is it possible to consider resemblances to people whose first names are *not* John?
Dude, glad the stache is off. Yeah, much better. I’ve come to the conclusion that moustaches really only look good when they’re so huge they cover your lips. You know, like Sam Elliott.
I’m a nurse in my county’s jail health department. Our inmate’s mug shots are attached to their charts, so I see lots of them every day. Your picture doesn’t even come close. The scary ones are when they’re smiling big, like it’s senior portrait day or something, showing off their meth teeth (don’t do meth, if for no other reason than to save your teeth).
Just in time for Movember!
I’m with RickPDX. “No, Magnum, you may not borrow the Ferrari.”
I’m thinking it looks more like Kevin Spacey from “The Men Who Stare at Goats”.
Mrs. Scalzi, you are awesome. THANK YOU for making Our Host shave that abomination off!
The mustache makes you a dead ringer for my high school print shop / darkroom teacher, Mr. Kaptinski. He was pretty cool.
I agree with Krissy, not that I would dare to disagree with her! But for real, she’s so, so right here. Glad you got rid of the unsightly thing.
Please note, mustache fans and wearers, that one that covers your lips means that lipreaders aren’t going to be able to understand what you’re saying. I only lipread a little, but I depend on it enough that I can’t understand someone whose face I can’t see unless they’re VERY LOUD. If you have a mouth-covering mustache, I probably won’t talk to you for very long, and I may not even be aware of the reason; all I’ll know is that talking to you is a frustrating experience.
Actually, mustachioed-you looks (to me) sort of like someone preparing to play Uncle Teddy in a dinner theater revival of Arsenic and Old Lace . . . all you need is the pince nez!